My daughter, newborn, and Sikh boyfriend


#1

Hi Everyone,
thank you for reading this. My 22 year old daughter graduated magna cum laude in May from a university. She met a Sikh in her internship class. He is from India. Her major was international business. She was on the rebound from her broken heart caused by a Hindu guy. Yes, my daughter has been raised in a very Christian household, was homeschooled, and also attended a catholic school. To make a long story short, she got pregnant, moved home, and had a baby girl last month. Her boyfriend, who is working on his Master’s degree comes to visit. Our family (including grandma, etc,) do not like him for a variety or reasons.Anyway, he wants her to live with us until May, when he graduates. She wants to live with us. She has no intention of going to church, refuses to baptize the baby, and is very short on patience, especially with me. The baby and her wear the Sikh bracelet. She has a Sikh prayer book in her room here. This is not the case of a young woman who is “searching for truth.” This is her way of rebelling. Her disrespect to my husband and I are causing our younger ones to need more correction for their behavior. (they home school and are very well behaved normally). Question, we feel it’s wrong for our daughter to date a non-Christian, that’s our understanding of the scripture, “not to be unequally yoked.” Her reply, “christianity is a fantasy world.” She knows we don’t approve of sex outside marriage. She shows no shame, but we do wonder if she is depressed. What’s your thoughts on “being unequally yoked.”? Also, we are praying about asking her to leave after Christmas. We would really appreciate some input on this situation. The baby is a Blessing, in spite of the situation. Her behavior is not Blessing anyone around here!!!Thank you! Flygirl


#2

Your 22 year old daughter, who is adult enough to have her own child, is living with you?

Why does she want to live with you, if your lifestyle is so repugnant to her? Is it simply because she doesn’t want to spend the money to rent an apartment? Is it because she has no other place she could possibly go? Is it because she still wants to maintain ties to her family, but doesn’t know how to communicate this desire because of pride?

Figure out the reason for her presence.

However, since you have small children in the house who are impressionable, you have a very serious obligation to them. On the one hand, this is a wonderful chance to demonstrate loving the sinner, hating the sin. On the other hand, are your little ones old enough to grasp this? Or will they instead absorb the fact that their bigger sister is living a life of unrepentant sin?

Advice aside, you have my prayers and thoughts. As a fellow homeschooling mother, I grieve for you.

God bless,
FMS


#3

She actually keeps the Guru Granth Sahib in your home? Wow, Sikhs generally do not allow their scripture to be kept in the same building as other scripture, we live in a majority Sikh town in London, I can remember protests about a Qur’an and a Bible being kept in the same Gurdwara as the Guru Granth Sahib.

You say that she and the baby both wear the kara, do they adhere to the four other ‘‘k’s’’? Kesh Kaacha Kirpan and Kanga aswel as Kara? Ask her about these, if she doesn’t know then it is most likely you are right that this is rebellion.

I will keep your family in my prayers

God Bless

Peter


#4

Although I do not have children of my own, I cannot imagine dishonoring my parents in such a manner.

My parents have been put into a similar situation with my brother, who is a practicing homosexual, and perhaps you may get perspective on how they handle the fine line between loving your child and loving and obeying God. My brother clearly goes against what my parents find acceptable in their house, and therefore, while he is allowed to visit, his partner(s) are not.

First and foremost, you have to do what you know to be right. I see how my parents suffer when they talk about my brother’s lifestyle, yet no one said following God was easy.

If your daughter has her degree, she is more than capable of finding work, finding daycare, and if being there is so abhorrent to her, then she’s got the tools she needs to correct the situation. A college degree isn’t everything, but it sure is a step in the right direction.

I wonder what Our Lady would do in such a situation… :gopray2:


#5

Thanks to all of you for posting. Regarding the 4K’s, she says the bracelet is on for “protection.” She does not have a good understanding of the others. She was more then just a little disrespectful to me the other night. She even thru in my face the fact that their were mainly “Christians” at her baby shower. Which, she did add that she appreciated, but she feels it was a set up. These are people that have known her , and/or our family for a long time. They are family friends. Anyway, we have asked her to leave. She asked, “don’t you care that the baby and I will live in a filthy apartment?” (her boyfriend and hindu roommates are filthy), I said, “of course I do, however, Karina (baby’s name, named by his parents) is your responsiblity, not mine. If the apartment is filthy, then clean it.” You are a young adult, and these have been your choices. When the Dad comes for Thanksgiving, we will talk to both of them. (my daughter is barely speaking with me at the moment). We will keep religion out of it. We are going to reiterate, that they made adult decisions, and they have to live with that. The Dad is finishing up his Master’s degree at a University in S.C. Unless he gets a company to sponsor him, or “cringe” marries our daughter, he will not be in the U.S. legally. Her friends do not like him, our neighbors and friends do not care for him. He’s sneaky, and manipulative. Intellectually he is very smart. He was there in her class when she was hurting. But whatever, she needs to go. Our entire family has been stressed with her home. We will miss the baby, but sadly, not her. We just keep praying…


#6

Flygirl,

I am so sorry to hear that it turned out the way it did, but what you’re doing is really for the best. My dad always used to tell me that we were his moral responsibility until we were confirmed (for me, this was twelve) and then after that, he was a caretaker. Basically, he meant that after that point, we were responsible for our own decisions. He was pretty iron-fisted, however, we were in no doubt of what our boundaries were. Your responsibility is to the children you’re still raising – you did the right thing.

I could never pull a stunt like your daughter and expect asylum in their house. The very thought is incomprehensible to me. Perhaps since she’s realized that her boyfriend and his mates are filthy, that perhaps she’s out of her element.

And – kind of OT, but have you thought about / discussed with your priest about getting Karina baptized (and getting her a Christian name???)

-Stephanie, who has been praying for your family all weekend.


#7

Just reading this all now. I will be praying for your family. Definately do ask your priest to come and visit and see if she will talk to him at least once. Not sure if you can get the baby baptized, since the parents obviously won’t be rasing her as a Christian, but I will pray about that as well.


#8

Incidentally, Karina isn’t such a bad name. My confirmation name is Carina. According to my little blue Lives of the Saints book, her feast day is Nov 7. She was a martyr.

I’ll pray for your family.


#9

Thank you for your prayers. What a blessing it is to know there is a Saint name Carina. She almost considered spelling her name that way, but her last name is Khalsa, and she thought it looked better spelled with a K. I will be sure to tell Karina when she is old enough all about Saint Carina. I will look up her information.
Re: Baptism. My daughter actually asked, “so what’s the difference between Sikh baptism and Christian baptism anyway?’ It’s all one God.” didn’t even bother getting into the response. So, basically, she rarely speaks to me, just when she is spoken to. She positively refuses to go to church and would not talk to a Priest. She says if she goes to church she will be like me, and she is starving herself (even though she is nursing) because she doesn’t want her body to look like mine.She is slender, and fit in her jeans within 1 week after delivering the baby. By the way, I am average weight, but like most American’s would love to lose 15 pounds! My husband and I are wondering if her deep hatred stems from her past. She was s. abused at age 3 by her bio. father. (i’ll add allegedly here, because he walked due to the laws of that state at the time, if we had lived in one state over, he would have been prosecuted). His rights were terminated, and my husband (whom I met in church) adopted her. She did have counseling. Anyway, back to Baptism, we are friends with some Anglican Catholics. We are going to ask the young Anglican Priest we know if he would baptize her. The Catholic church won’t without the parents proclaiming to raise her Catholic. If we can’t get her baptized a neighbor who is a good friend is going to go with us to a quiet visit to the church… you can fill in the blanks. The prayer book in her room is called Japji Sahib. I have no clue what that even means. I don’t think she bothers to read it, it’s just there to bust chops. It’s in English too, and is pretty weird. Paganism revisited perhaps? At the end it states that “the religion preached by Nanak prevail and prosper forever…” It gives me the creeps just to type that. I am pretty much at peace about everything though, the sooner she is out, the sooner she may realize the mistakes she’s made. Gotta run, you have all been a Blessing.


#10

Sikhism isn’t paganism, theres a lot of ‘‘new age’’ sounding stuff in it but it is a monotheistic faith. As far as I’m aware the prayers and hymns are not to be said in any language other than Punjabi. Does your daughter speak punjabi or is she learning?

This seems to be rebellion, I have never met a Sikh (and I know hundreds) who is outwardly aggressive towards people of other religions (except Muslims, but thats a cultural thing, not something commanded by their faith). The fact that she refuses to speak to a priest or enter a church, either its rebellion or she is not following Sikhism very well.

The Kara is not for protection it is a visible reminder to the Sikh that whatever they do with their hands must be in line with the will of God (no beginning, no end, just like a circle, the chape of the kara) and an outward symbol that that person is a Sikh.

God Bless you, I will continue to pray,

Peter


#11

I’m really sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter. I fear the best I’d be able to do would be to pray for you and your family.

Outside of that, I’d only want to know if you happen to know when your daughter started to stray from the faith. Granted, there could be THOUSANDS of reasons, but I have a daughter who is only a year and a half old and I have similar fears.

Our intention is to educate without being overbearing and, though I don’t criticize the homeschooling method, I have been the one to tell my wife that I think our daughter needs the exposure that public schooling will give her. My wife is leaning towards Catholic school, but I fear that by the time she’s out and facing the deviants of our world, she’ll be less likely to take direction from us if she falls in with the wrong crowd.

It might sound like backwards thinking, but for example, I’d rather tackle the “Why does Beth have two mommies?” question while she’s still young enough to completely trust her daddy to give her the right answer.

I will teach her about the existence of different faiths, about the existence of various forms of sexuality… and about the key difference between RESPECTING them and* FOLLOWING *them.

By being exposed to various germs when I was younger, I built myself up a stronger immune system to help me to better resist viruses in my adult years. So, too, is my thinking when it comes to the social evils of our world. If I wait too long to expose her to the most common evils, I fear she won’t be able to stay strong and resist them as she should.


#12

For those who have been here awhile- older thread alert.


#13

if your adult daughter is ready to make her own decisions she is ready to live on her own. the days when you could influence her behavior and decisions has been over for many years. hard part is going to be missing the baby. better read up on Sikhs or Hindus (from your post it is hard to understand which applies to the bf) because if your daughter leaves that is where she is headed.

I am sorry caffeine has not kicked in didn’t see date.


#14

Hello,
I was brought to the attention of ur posting because I myself am a Catholic with a Sikh boyfriend. I wanted to reach out to you with my input & experience so that maybe it can better help you with your understandings of not only Sikh men & family, but also culture.

Wow, where do I begin? Growing up I attended public, catholic, & homeschool. The exposure made me exceptionally well rounded. I believe that your daughter may just be rebeling against you & her catholic upbringing. She may not have been equipped to handle & process experience with her integrity intact 100%… This is very important when being approached by Sikhism. It is easy to become infatuated if your own faith foundation is weak. The one important concept for me when I think of Sikhism is that they do believe in one God & do not discriminate against others belief of salvation.

I don’t believe that the true problem is that ur daughter is dating a Sikh man. Because it sounds to me that he is flawed & not a true seeker. I think the problem is more so his influence culturally. My concern is your grand daughter. My only question would be; How does the boyfriends family except this arrangement & child? I fear them to be unexcepting & resentful. If that is the case; I pray for all of you, especially your beautiful grand daughter. Prepare yourself & your family. Without love, exceptence & courage to be non judgmental, this journey will be a difficult one.

Please be cautious not to judge or shun your daughter. She is still very young (a child herself). It is possible she originally fell in love with an illusion; an infatuation (if u will). Have faith that she will find her original beliefs again & except that is who she truly is. Because if she continues to study Sikhism, she will continue to seek the truth. She is indeed Catholic with a family who loves her & excepts her unconditionally. She will find her way back to you & when she does I pray you are there with open arms just as Jesus.

I understand that you originally made your post many years ago & I pray my post reaches you.


#15

OLD Thread, like five years. :eek:


#16

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