My dear friend is gay, and I need some advice

Remember, however, that one of the Spiritual Acts of Mercy is to admonish sinners. Don’t judge and remove the plank quotes can easily be thrown out by those who would wish to always remain silent but right is right and wrong is wrong and we are not acting against God’s Will to point that out.

I have just begun reconnecting with a gay friend. We had a disagreement regarding gay rights, about 20 years ago, and it broke our friendship. I realize now that I was wrong, at least according to the leadership of my bishop. I would like to be his friend again but it will be a delicate journey. How to witness the truth while remaining his friend. No, I would not go to his ‘wedding’ if he had one. Yes, I am willing to be at least an acquaintance of his partner. The likelihood of friendship is unlikely with the partner as we are separated by an entire continent. No matter what, I wish to follow God’s will in redeveloping this relationship. I have never stopped praying for him.

You can admonish people you consider to be sinners, but don’t be surprised if they don’t talk to you ever again. :shrug:

Then that’s their problem. Often, the truth hurts.

Well, it could be the problem of the person doing the admonishing, too, if they want to keep someone as a friend. So if they do, then more tact might be required. If they don’t care, then admonish away.

Mary Ellen’s statement in no way denied tactfulness (or charity). Surely you are not under the impression that admonition and tact are somehow exclusive?

Exactly. One can admonish with charity and tact.

Admonish, definition:
verb (used with object)

  1. to caution, advise, or counsel against something.
  2. to reprove or scold, especially in a mild and good-willed manner:
    The teacher admonished him about excessive noise.
  3. to urge to a duty; remind:
    to admonish them about their obligations.

I have a daughter who is homosexual and is “married” . We have worked hard to make sure it does not effect o0ur relationship. We include my daughter-in-law in all family functions and treat her no differently than we do our the husbands of our other 3 daughters. Accepting them does not mean approving of their behavior.

Attending the wedding is a tougher call. My daughter went to the JP so I didn’t have to make that decision but I probably would have went-not as a sign of approval but as an attempt to keep from causing a rift in the family. I do not think I would go to a same sex “wedding” of a friend.

Hi, again,
Another thought, where the church stands, aND is naive, is:CELIBACY.
WE CAN GO FROM BIRTH TO DEATH and NOT HAVE SEX AND BE HAPPY… **you are crazy. ** But, a lay person can, as a Christian, if their love for Jesus is his/her love of his life,they can be celibate. Their love for Jesus is soon great, they’re involved in church, going on mission trips. Their lives are full with the love of God. Married heterosexuals can have a romantic feeling and their spouse is somewhere else. Do we grabbed someone passing by? I don’t think so. Abstinence is possible. We are at a higher level of intelligence. I guess this would not go over too big.
in Christ’s love
Tweedlealice :confused:
I tried to use bold type on a few words. It doesn’t look like it Is working. Maybe after I Hit send

I don’t understand this line of reasoning, not even a little bit. My dearest friend is my husband of 18 years and we certainly don’t see eye-to-eye on some very “big” things. Homosexual relationships may not be okay with the OP in keeping with her obedience to the Catholic Church’s doctrine, but if they are okay with her friend who does not accept the Catholic Church’s doctrine on the matter, why should the friendship suffer?

Honest communication will preserve this friendship, as it does all friendships.

Thank you, Lou. This is so well put.

Amen. Goodness, if this were the case, friendship with our brethren would be darned nigh impossible!

But your truth is not necessarily their truth. Friendships flourish in the face of that reality all the time!

Good on you and God’s blessing to your family.

What is wrong with doing your Christian duty? What she would do is better than encouraging sin.

Jesus Christ ate with sinners and certainly did not encourage sin. He spoke the truth when confronted with falsehood. The first three spiritual acts of mercy apply here (my previous answer was incomplete). The USCCB has provided the following:
Counseling the doubtful**

Everyone has moments of doubt in their faith journey. Nevertheless, we should always remember that Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life and turn to him along our way.

Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may eventually become wise" (Prov 19:20)
The Cross of Christ "the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength" (1 Cor 1:25)
Has someone asked you for advice? Orient your response to Christ, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Follow Christ with the witness of your life so that others may see God's love revealed in your actions
Accompany a friend who is struggling with believing to join a parish group for service or faith formation, share a book you found useful in dealing with your friend's faith concern, and worship at Sunday Mass

instructing the ignorant

Learn about our faith and be open to talking with others about our beliefs. There is always something more to discover about our faith.

Go on a service trip or short term mission trip.  No time? Donate to support someone on their service trip
Volunteer to help with religious education programs at your parish
Invite someone to go to mass with you this weekend
Know your faith! Read through the USCCA to find out more about the Catholic faith and how to live it

admonishing the sinner

Do not judge, but be supportive in helping others find their way and correct their mistakes. Together we can learn to walk more closely with Christ.confession

In humility we must strive to create a culture that does not accept sin, while realizing that we all fall at times
Don't judge, but guide others towards the path of salvation (see Mt 7:1-2)
When you correct someone, don't be arrogant. We are all in need of God's loving correction.
We should journey together to a deeper understanding of our shared faith 
"Remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother's eye" (Mt 7:5)

I always see people using this verse to support their approval of bad company. In the case of Jesus, sinners were willing to come to him and be cleansed, not the other way around. And in Ezekiel, God says that if we don’t correct a person when he does a bad thing, he will die in sin and we will be responsible for that person’s life.
In Matthew Jesus says if the person refuses even to listen to the Church we should treat him like a pagan or a tax collector.

But this assumes that you are admonishing people who share your faith. If you admonish someone who doesn’t share your faith, it will probably be unwelcome.

This is good advice. To the original poster I say be his friend. Love him. Be constant. Don’t scold or lecture. Put in an appropriate word at appropriate moments. Gay culture is often overtly hostile tomour faith. Be the good example of a loving friend. It may be what brings him to the Church someday.

One of the most important things people forget about when one is supposed to do fraternal correction is to limit it to when there is a well-founded expectation that the admonition will be heeded otherwise it is more likely to do more harm than good by hardening their hearts to Christ.

You’ve been here long enough to understand that half the people who lead with “truth telling” mean telling the person the gay sex is an abomination that cries out to heaven for vengeance and desires death along with they are going to die from AIDS or something along that line.

Sometimes you have to convert by example.

Some small thoughts…Much will depend on the homosexual persons attitude to us. In years gone by when this has come up, often the person will be adamantly hostile and aggressive at anyone who is Christian. The Christian has no need to say and anything. Believe me; I have been rudely and aggressively dropped and attacked by folk I had no idea were homosexual when they realised I was Christian. In one case literally attacked, in another the person was my GP… I have found homosexuals to be frequently aggressive and intolerant. The only time there has been a real friendship was when the person wanted out of the lifestyle and sought my help . She succeeded too. These are times of far too much re sexuality, far far too much. Was not so in my young day. We never talked of these private things. NB Remembering being refused a craft stall at one market that was being held at a pub called " The Pink Elephant"…Go figure… It is not always OURS to make the bridge

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