My ex all happy go lucky with his New GF here I am alone still


#1

How do I deal with this humiliation. I feel like God created me just as a joke. He left me by the way I didn't leave him now he's happy and has everything he wants. There's no justice in anything.


#2

I'm sorry to hear about this. Everytime a downer like this happens with me, I take it on faith that it's really a blessing in disguise. What would happen is that I would later find out that the person in question and I were incompatible in terms of belief systems or just lacked chemistry. Even when it seemed like the person was the perfect match and it didn't pan out, I place faith in God and that He has something better in mind (though at 27, I'm getting a little impatient).

My prayers go out to you.


#3

I think the thing that hurts most is he tried the lay the blame of the break up on me when all his actions showed he was the one who wouldn't commit once things came to a point where it was going in a serious direction. Then he made of big show of remaining friends only to disappear completely...I was supposed to contact him if I wanted to hang out....yeah really this and after he dumped me. Now it looks like I'll be running into him a lot (not by choice) as he's dating someone I know. :eek:


#4

[quote="Andrew1983, post:2, topic:205291"]
I'm sorry to hear about this. Everytime a downer like this happens with me, I take it on faith that it's really a blessing in disguise. What would happen is that I would later find out that the person in question and I were incompatible in terms of belief systems or just lacked chemistry. Even when it seemed like the person was the perfect match and it didn't pan out, I place faith in God and that He has something better in mind (though at 27, I'm getting a little impatient).

My prayers go out to you.

[/quote]

It's a different world when you're over 40. :rolleyes:


#5

I know what you mean, Sierrah. I'm only 30, and I'm not married, but I've had bad break ups where I haven't been the guilty party (Surprise! ;)). I then see them or hear about them and they are living it up or having a great time. I feel sorry for their new boyfriends sometimes, and then I remeber a crucial thing-I'm a great guy, and it's THEIR loss. It's true, my logical brain tells my emotional side that, but it still might help in the long run!

God bless.


#6

[quote="Sierrah, post:1, topic:205291"]
How do I deal with this humiliation. I feel like God created me just as a joke. He left me by the way I didn't leave him now he's happy and has everything he wants. There's no justice in anything.

[/quote]

Dear Sierra: is your "ex": your x hubby or boyfriend? To me, in knowing how to respond to your post, this would make a difference.
Please also provide how long you were together and the details.


#7

[quote="Corinne3, post:6, topic:205291"]
Dear Sierra: is your "ex": your x hubby or boyfriend? To me, in knowing how to respond to your post, this would make a difference.
Please also provide how long you were together and the details.

[/quote]

Ex BF. Several months.


#8

[quote="Sierrah, post:7, topic:205291"]
Ex BF. Several months.

[/quote]

Remember Sierrah, the heart of our Lord breaks every time ours does. It's so hard.

Your post got me thinking about recent events in my life as well-it's hard. I went through a terrible break up a few years ago, a long term relationship. It ended terribly and I still think about her sometimes. She's gotten married, and had a kid. I wish her the best, and I no longer wish for us to be back together, but I still re-play what happend from time to time. It's a hard for you right now-but it DOES get better.


#9

I have a saying: "Life is not fair. Life is good. If you think about it, it cannot be both." It will do you no good to bridle at this truth. The secret to contentment is learning to live with it.

Of course you can give yourself permission to lick your wounds and find a friend to cry in your beer with you. There is nothing wrong with taking the time to mourn life's real losses properly (which is to say as much as you need to). At some point in the future, though, you have to deny yourself permission to do that, if you want your life to change. When that is going to be is up to you, as well.

You absolutely do have reason to be negative, I won't argue that point. At some point, though, it will start to hurt you and your chances of realizing your dreams. While researches have found that pessimists are more realistic than optimists--which is to say, they predict correctly more of the time--the pessimists also succeed less of the time. Which goes to prove the cliche: If you think you're going to fail, you surely will.

For now, though, be gentle with yourself. You are going through a painful situation that many wonderful people have to go through. Reject shame over your situation, but allow yourself your grief. That is a dignified and positive way to handle it. Resolve to get over it some day, resolve to continue to believe you are lovable, resolve to keep your pain clean and free of bitterness, but don't punish yourself for feeling pain. Everyone who takes a chance to love has purchased the right to feel their pain. Let yourself have that, too.


#10

[quote="Rascalking, post:8, topic:205291"]
Remember Sierrah, the heart of our Lord breaks every time ours does. It's so hard.

Your post got me thinking about recent events in my life as well-it's hard. I went through a terrible break up a few years ago, a long term relationship. It ended terribly and I still think about her sometimes. She's gotten married, and had a kid. I wish her the best, and I no longer wish for us to be back together, but I still re-play what happend from time to time. It's a hard for you right now-but it DOES get better.

[/quote]

Oh I don't want him back....I was just hoping not to have to run into him for awhile and I'm trying not to be bitter but it's hard when I remember how far I let him in and all the stuff he said. It's like he won my affection then he was done...so long. :shrug:


#11

Ok I'm done moping guys thanks. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...I guess I'll be mighty strong by the time I die someday. :shrug:


#12

[quote="Sierrah, post:7, topic:205291"]
Ex BF. Several months.

[/quote]

I concur with Dr. Laura Schlessinger in what she would most likely say. Forget about him. You are not his wife. Why should he give you any priority?

I do not mean to be harsh, but I do feel this way. What do you expect when you are not legally bound in marriage? And even if you do.... sigh.....

In any way, be happy


#13

[quote="Corinne3, post:12, topic:205291"]
I concur with Dr. Laura Schlessinger in what she would most likely say. Forget about him. You are not his wife. Why should he give you any priority?

I do not mean to be harsh, but I do feel this way. What do you expect when you are not legally bound in marriage? And even if you do.... sigh.....

In any way, be happy

[/quote]

I don't think your sounding harsh, but I think it's more complicated than "he/she doesn't owe if your not married".

A good relationship is also a friendship, and friends do have certian obligations to one another. When a releationship gets closer and closer, (Non-physical, just emotional) more and more is shared. When it ends, it DOES hurt-alot!

Just my thoughts.


#14

[quote="Sierrah, post:10, topic:205291"]
Oh I don't want him back....I was just hoping not to have to run into him for awhile and I'm trying not to be bitter but it's hard when I remember how far I let him in and all the stuff he said. It's like he won my affection then he was done...so long. :shrug:

[/quote]

Yes, not running into him is highly to be desired.

I remember running into a recently-previous fiance whom I had dumped over his decision to try out a girlfriend on the side. (I said, "Her or me", he said, "um" and I said, "That's my answer.")

He ran into me with a friend while we were eating ice cream. Mind you, he had chided me for losing my "girlish figure" when I quit high school track and went from 116 to 124. He had the chutzpah to put on this sad face and comment "be careful... you know you are what you eat", as if he were looking out for me. My reply: "Yep. Sweet and luscious!" It wasn't charitable of me, but it sure felt good....and he asked for it. (obviously, my contrition for that comment is far from perfect! :rolleyes:)

When somebody goes after another woman when he could have had you, say "good riddance" and be glad you weren't married by the time he decided to jump ship.

And, as we used to say to each other when we were still dating: You only have to find one. There isn't a scraggly horse in the world, but that you can find a scraggly bush to tie it to. Being picky enough to suit yourself and soldiering on through the discouragment of it is hard, but it is the right way to go, and I don't care what anybody says.

The alternative is to settle for what won't work, only to find a really good match only after you've made a bad one. Better to not be tied at all than to be tied up poorly. Even lonelier than sleeping lonely and alone is sleeping lonely with a spouse with whom you share a lonely marriage.


#15

[quote="Sierrah, post:4, topic:205291"]
It's a different world when you're over 40. :rolleyes:

[/quote]

Yes, it is. I am right there with you, going through the same heartache.

Last night I sat at a restaurant, alone in a corner, and watched people. Men, women, young, old, fat, thin, etc., and I thought about how most of them have someone. And I thought of how some of them are probably not nice people, but still, they have someone. Why not me?
Why have I NEVER had anyone?

Sierrah, God loves YOU and God loves me. And no matter what happens in our lives, we are never, ever, EVER alone. God is right there with you. He will mourn with you, and He will give you courage to get up and face each new day. Talk to Him about how you are feeling. Disappointment like what we are facing now is part of the human experience, and it's really painful, I know. I do. You cannot see the tears on my cheeks as I type this, but they are for you, and they are for me. And it's ok. The sun will come out tomorrow - I hope. Or maybe next week.

One night last week as I cried myself to sleep I thought of how I had loved and lost, and in my case, the man I've lost seems to be choosing to stay away from the church as well. I mention this because of the thought that came into my mind as I drifted off to sleep that night, which was that Christ understood clearly my feeling of loss - how sad He must feel knowing how many of Gods children choose to turn away from Him, when He loves us all so much.

Sierrah, He knows how you feel. You are not alone. Loving hurts. But loving is a good thing. Don't ever stop loving others or yourself. You are precious. And God wants you to be happy. Let's be courageous and see this sadness through. Ok? Together, we can make it.

Hope


#16

Allow yourself to go through all the emotions. Cry if you have to, be angry, be upset this is all normal behaviour. But guess what it does get better with time. There are days when you feel wow I am over this and then there are days when you feel terrible and want to stay in bed the whole day in your PJ and do nothing but be miserable about the whole situation. Give yourself the necessary time to heal and get over it. Yes, you gave him your heart and thought that he was the one. They say that people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime.

Yes it hurts to see him with someone else after what the two of you shared. He might be looking happy with the new GF but you know something you cannot switch feelings on and off just like that. You cannot just move on the the next girl just like that. He obviously has issues and he needs to deal with them. It comes across that when things don't work out then he moves on to the next girl hoping that things will be different. You will see soon he will have another GF.

Just take it one day at a time. Before you know it you will be so over him and looking back and saying was I really crying over this guy he was just not worth it.


#17

I keep reminding myself he left me and it was out my control from the begining....that helps a little bit. I'm over my pity fest sorry. I'm an emotional being and sometimes it gets the best of me even though I try not to let it. I guess I wasn't really as over him as I thought I was. It's probably best that I do run into him and be forced to let it go all that much sooner. :shrug: I will pretty much stay out his way and he seems to be doing the same. It's sort of funny in a way a friends ex showed up too and they did the same but ended up talking at the end but when they first saw each other they both zipped out of the room really fast....it helps that I'm not the only one going through this sort of thing. :shrug:


#18

Sierrah, it's natural for a woman to feel somewhat undercut in her existence and role when she's not wanted by a man. Same way, it's natural for the party terminating the relationship to put the blame on the counterparty... err... I mean, the person leaving a relationship, to put the blame on the other, for the many insecurities he has to deal with. Someone doesn't want a relationship, he might even genuinely like the other person, be attracted etc., but just know they aren't compatible or something would go wrong in it, then be confused, uncomfortable, end up blaming the other person. These are natural emotions and don't expect them not to be there. They just need to be dealt with.

Some people also have a commitment phobia that disappears when they meet someone who shakes them.

Anyway, if your ex is happy with a new girl, then he wasn't your guy.

Oh, and don't be unhappy just because he is happy. Everyone "deserves" to be, your ex too. Obviously this does not mean he deserves it more than you--but there's some mystery in how some people make it, some don't, how this relates to their salvation and so on.


#19

[quote="chevalier, post:18, topic:205291"]
Sierrah, it's natural for a woman to feel somewhat undercut in her existence and role when she's not wanted by a man. Same way, it's natural for the party terminating the relationship to put the blame on the counterparty... err... I mean, the person leaving a relationship, to put the blame on the other, for the many insecurities he has to deal with. Someone doesn't want a relationship, he might even genuinely like the other person, be attracted etc., but just know they aren't compatible or something would go wrong in it, then be confused, uncomfortable, end up blaming the other person. These are natural emotions and don't expect them not to be there. They just need to be dealt with.

Some people also have a commitment phobia that disappears when they meet someone who shakes them.

Anyway, if your ex is happy with a new girl, then he wasn't your guy.

Oh, and don't be unhappy just because he is happy. Everyone "deserves" to be, your ex too. Obviously this does not mean he deserves it more than you--but there's some mystery in how some people make it, some don't, how this relates to their salvation and so on.

[/quote]

Very true. Thanks.


#20

Been there, hated that.

But you CAN learn things from the experience. The OT prophet Hosea was instructed by God to marry an unfaithful woman. Again and again, Hosea had to go bail her out when her whoring and sinning got her in trouble. Again and again, Hosea did so and in the process learned what an awful thing it is when WE betray God through our sin.


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