Last night was absolutely horrible for reasons I will not go into. I’m abused by every person in the house - in other words, when they get angry, they take their anger out on me.
Well, I went out last night to escape the madness, and when I returned…I have no idea where I put his keys down. At 4:00 am, my father woke me up screaming at me, and threatening me that if I did not find his keys, he would do something. It is now 5:20 am and I still can’t find them. I am scared to death. He will hit me, I know. He does not usually put his hands on me like that, but I know he will now…I’ve never seen such hate in his eyes for me before.
Why does God hate me so? Am I being punished? I never do anything right, and whatever I choose to do always backfires on me. I am so, so, so scared right now. Please pray. Last night I was contemplating suicide again, and I drank an entire bottle of wine (I am not proud to admit this) by myself, because I just did not want to deal with reality anymore. My Lord, I am so scared. Life is just an endless circle of misery.