I have long been indifferent to my father’s health. After all, we haven’t been on good terms, at least from my perspective. I felt that he was very austere to me when I was growing up. As a result of his austerity, it has been difficult for us to develop a highly communicative relationship. In other words, it’s been difficult for me to want to talk to him on a regular basis. In the past, I have had thoughts of wanting him to die. The very thought of thinking such things scares me now. I really don’t know what I feel towards him (whether I hate or love him). Yet, every time I see him suffering I cannot help but wish him better. I deeply wish he were healthier and that the Holy Spirit might burn away any frost in my heart. His health is declining–I do not know how fast. It was only last year that he was able to drive and now he can hardly leave the house. I feel in my heart that he’s a live, but not living at all. I hate seeing him going through this suffering and what bothers me is that neither can do anything to alleviate his suffering nor do I feel as affected as I should. I am worried by my sometimes indifferent attitude towards him.
Reading the gospel of Mark, I see Jesus repeatedly stress faith:
When Jesus saw the faith of the four men carrying their paralytic friend he healed them. (Mark 2:5)
Jesus responds that the woman with a hemorrhage’s faith permits him to heal her affliction (Mark 6:34)
To the man who doubts that Jesus can cast out the demon in his son, Jesus replies “‘If you can! Everything is possible to one who has faith.’” (Mark 9:23)
I know that if I have faith and it is a part of God’s will, He can heal my father. But faith is a gift from God. Please pray that I will have the faith to believe that it is possible for God to heal my dad, pray that he will remove all indifference from my soul and pray that it is God’s will that my father be healed. Some say that he will die and while I believe that to be a possibility, I believe that faith in God’s power can open up another possibility—his recovery.