My fiancee's beliefs


#1

My fiancee’ and I are to be married in July. I am Catholic and she is anything but religious. She has lived an incredible life, suffering things that you simply read about in the paper. And to this point, she has refused to speak with a priest concerning instruction for marriage. Has anyone else been through this? And if so, what happened, or what did you do? I desperately want her to open up to Church, and have our marriage validated. Anyone willing to discuss this with me is welcome to post.

Thank you


#2

I’d say you have a real problem. Love cannot always overcome them.

If she won’t even go and talk to the priest now, how can you expect her to raise the children Catholic?

My husband was not Catholic, still isn’t, but it was important to me and he did it for me. (Another long story in this but enough for this).

Have you discussed how important this is to you?

If you have, have you though of what it will be like to be married someone is willing to ignore something that is so important to you?

Honestly, this should be a deal breaker for you. If not, you are choosing the love of your fiancee over the love of God.

Think hard and carefully. Did you come here looking for someone to tell you it will be alright, no matter how many tell you watch out? Are you truly looking for advice, or a don’t worry?

I don’t ask this to be mean or nasty. I ask this because it appears you have no doubts about getting married. And this is a huge situation if you have any hope at all of raising your children in the Catholic Faith or of you even practicing your faith. Are you willing to give up you Catholic Faith in order to be married to her? That is the question you should be asking yourself if she continues to refuse to talk to the priest.

You don’t marry who a person in hopes of what they may do or become. You marry a person for who they are. It appears your fiancee is not only “not religious” but is unwilling to allow you to be either. She may not realize this, but this is what she will be doing by not having your marriage validated. Make sure she understands this fully if you already haven’t. If she still doesn’t go see the priest, I can’t imagine spending my life with someone so selfish and self-centered.

You can excuse away her behavior as circumstances she went through, or confront what her actions actually say.

God Bless,
Maria
wife of 17 years, married at age 23


#3

Thank you Maria.

No, I am not looking for a “it’s okay”. I’m looking for another opinion that rivals what I am feeling inside. Which, is what you have provided.

In all fairness to her, I have only recently returned to the Church. However, I was raised in the Church, and although I was not a practicing Catholic, always felt part of me being called back. So after 15 years without Mass, here I am.

You have said what I have been feeling, and I thank you for your direct approach. But again, I am hoping that she will concede, if not for herself, for me.


#4

Christopher,

I’m sure you know this, but as a Catholic, you are required to get married in the Church. If she isn’t ready to talk to a priest, then you can’t get married right now, I’d figure, unless you could get some type of dispensation.:hmmm:

My spouse did not want a nuptual mass (didn’t want to receive Eucharist), just a marriage ceremony (in the Church). The priest kept up the pressure and we did end up having a mass as well. I’m glad that came about. We are both Catholics for real now, and I don’t know if that ever would have happened if Father B hadn’t been so persistent. Thank you Father B!

Having a spouse not of the same religion and in fact hostile towards it is a huge cross. My aunt and uncle are like that. Basically their kids all fled to a neutral, third-party religion.

You’ve left out some details, but I’m sure there is a reason your fiancee is so reluctant. Patience may help, but if she is really hurt or angry, that may never change. This is the sort of issue that I would feel has to be worked out before you marry, not after. You are Catholic, and it needs to be acceptable to her that you are because, well, that is part of who you are, and she needs to accept you to marry you.:slight_smile:

I hope it comes about okay for you!


#5

Thank you Pug. I appreciate it.


#6

[quote=ChristopherMich]My fiancee’ and I are to be married in July. I am Catholic and she is anything but religious. She has lived an incredible life, suffering things that you simply read about in the paper. And to this point, she has refused to speak with a priest concerning instruction for marriage. Has anyone else been through this? And if so, what happened, or what did you do? I desperately want her to open up to Church, and have our marriage validated. Anyone willing to discuss this with me is welcome to post.

Thank you
[/quote]

*Be patient and gentle with your fiancee’. Live your life as an example of your faith. Walk the talk. If you love her and she you --she will continue to love you and will probably begin to study your faith. *

Love, can conquer all. For it is only through love that we will heal this planet. Christ is love personified.


#7

posted by ChristopherMich
In all fairness to her, I have only recently returned to the Church. However, I was raised in the Church, and although I was not a practicing Catholic, always felt part of me being called back. So after 15 years without Mass, here I am.

Then maybe is not truly aware of how important this is to you. Explain to her that you are being called by God back to the Church, but if she does not do this for you, you will never be able to fully practice your faith again if married without the validation of the Church.

And as hard as it may be you may need to, at the very least, put off the wedding.

You have said what I have been feeling, and I thank you for your direct approach. But again, I am hoping that she will concede, if not for herself, for me.

I am glad. I was worried my words would sound too harsh, but it is hard to tiptoe around this subject.

My heart aches for you. I pray she will concede also, for both of your sakes.

God Bless,
Maria


#8

Again, Maria, thank you


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