My friend has a problem.any advice will be apprciated


#1

Well here it goes. See my friend had called me thursday afternoon, saying that she had seen her ex-boyfriend after mass on Wednesday. The thing is they didn’t really breakup he just left to mexico back in 2003 and didn’t come back until last year. he went looking for her at her house and they just talked for a lil bit. when he left he didn’t even tell her it was over or anything. Well, she told me on Thursday that when she had seen him after mass he introduced his new girlfriend to her mom and she was beside her mom. My friend said that he just looked at her and smiled at her. she was just like hi. But now my friend is like what is she suppose to do… she said she doesn’t want to fight for him back. I told her just to move on don’t let him make her feel miserable. don’t let him get to her. I told her i guess its a sign its over or something. or he’s just doesn’t know waht he wants. did I give her the right advice cuz she told me she feels like her life is doomed. Can y’all give me better advice to tell her. I just feel bad for her right now. I think he’ a jerk for introducing that girl to her mom infront of her outside of Church. can some one help me with some advice


#2

Shorty22,

Wow, that just is not right!
i think what you said is right. Of course she feels bad, he does sound like a jerk. She will find someone new. He does not seem like the type that was going to be good for her anyway. You are a very good Friend.

Chyna


#3

The bad thing about it he is in the choir at the parish I go to. If I’m not mistaking he is in the 9:30 mass choir. that the mass before the one I go to. I’ll just run into him every sunday. Or maybe he is at the smae mass i go to cuz i see that girl at the mass i go to every sunday. hmmm. what do i do?


#4

Disappearing without a word, then coming back and introducing the new girlfriend to the old girlfriend’s mother in her presence… That does look a bit weird. I don’t know what the guy wants but it’s probably for the best to stay away from him. We could dissect the situation, but what for? Neither does he seem willing to come back, nor does it seem wise for your friend to do anything, so… Hope he finds peace somewhere.


#5

Umm… Isn’t it presumed that the relationship was over when he went to Mexico in 2003 and didn’t return until last year (2006)? And if he has been back for a year… have they been dating during this past year? If not then she should have known…kwim?


#6

It’s rather obvious that he left her and is over her. It’s way past time to move on!


#7

if a person leaves the country and stays gone for 4 years, no attempts to keep the relationship going, yup, he broke it up, sounds like girlfriend needs a reality a check. help her now with general support and friendship, and maybe gently guide her to better choices in whom to date, and how relationships work. Maybe if she needs help with self-esteem issues you can be a friend to her in that way as well.


#8

My guess is that she feels this way because of personal humiliation and it is not exactly because of this man necessarily.

Speaking from my own experience: When a relationship ended in my life I felt like a total fool. I felt like I should have seen it coming…I felt like I was stupid for wasting my time…I felt humiliated that I hung on for so long when I should have known better…

Many of her feelings might be coming from her feeling embarassed and foolish? These are feelings about her own self and have little or nothing to do with the man in particular. I hope this makes sense. She already knows he is a jerk…she already knows she should forget about him and move on. At this point in her life she is probably feeling “doomed” because she does not trust her own judgement. She is seeking something, she must be lonely to have hung on to him for so long from such a distance…this is sad. Try and turn her towards Christ…he can fill the void she is seeking to fill. Hope this helps I will pray for this situation.


#9

Kinda been there. You know what. I bet she’s feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Best thing to tell her. A) he’s not worth it, B) no one is judging you sweetie, we’re judging him instead for being such a horses patoot, and C) pity the poor girl he’s with now.

I also think a bottle of wine and a manicure helps to ease all situations like this.


#10

The guy is a jerk. She can tell this just by the way he behaved introducing the new girlfriend and all.

Tell your friend that she is better off without the guy.


#11

thanks everyone for y’alls replies. Its just a difficult situation for her. But she said she is totally moving on. she says the reason why she didn’t move on easarlier when he left he told her that he was going to come back that year and that he kept calling her like two or three times aweek when he was over there for a fww months than he stopped calling her. til last year he went looking for her last year. If it was over and he didn’t say anything that it was then why did he go looking for her last year when he came back? thats what I don’t get. Yeah she knows he is a jerk. I was over there visiting her this weekend. I went to her church with her and her brother. she is already put christ in her life. she involved with the church, she is an Usher, R…C.IA, assistant, Cia sponsor which is the youth sponsor. Cce teacher. she also helps out the office ldies at her church when they do need her. thats most of the time. Her Ex is in the choir the same mass she goes to on sundays. But she didn’t pay any attention to him. He says hi to her though. My friend was like hi and then she turned the other way and talked to her friends.

she’s not embarrassed about anything she ids soing better now. Her ex got mad when he saw my friend taking to one of her guy friends at church. so she is totally ready to move on wtih her life.


#12

Maybe this can help a bit. I of all people knows how it feels to be hurt, disappointed, rejected abandoned. But I am still standing today because of God’s grace and my faith hope and belief in him and his power and strength in my life.

We’ve all fallen down at one time or another—not just physically but emotionally. And picking yourself back up again is, unfortunately, easier said than done. It doesn’t take any special talent to give up or lie down on the roadside of life and say, “I quit!” In fact, the road to chronic discouragement, hopelessness and despair often begins with an ordinary day that ends up piled high with simple disappointments. According to Webster, disappoint means “to fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.” In other words, when we set ourselves up to hope for something and that hope isn’t met, we get disappointed. We feel let down or betrayed.

Let’s face it: None of us are ever going to get to the place in life where we have no more disappointments. We can’t expect to be sheltered from every little thing. Disappointment is a fact of life—one that must be dealt with. If not, discouragement and devastation are never far away. Too often people end up devastated and don’t understand why. They seemed to be going along just fine, and now they’ve fallen by the roadside without knowing how or why. Many people don’t realize that the problem could have started a long time ago with a simple disappointment that they failed to work through.

Deep hurt doesn’t just come from huge disappointments, like when we fail to get the job or promotion we really wanted. Deep emotional hurt can come from a series of minor annoyances and frustrations. That’s why we must know how to handle the small, daily disappointments and keep them in perspective. Otherwise, they can get out of hand and be blown out of proportion. For example, imagine starting your day behind schedule…you’re already frustrated. On your way to the office, unexpected traffic delays cause you to be even later. Then, when you finally get to work, you find out that someone on the job has been gossiping about you. You get some coffee to help you calm down but spill it all over yourself, making matters worse since you have an important meeting with the boss and no time to change clothes!

Facing each of those little things separately is just annoying, but when they pile up it becomes almost unbearable. Then, just about that time, you get a report from the doctor that wasn’t what you were hoping and praying for. And to top it all off, your fiancé calls and threatens to break off your engagement even though the wedding invitations have already been mailed! How will you respond? Will you be full of faith, or will you find yourself full of fear and on that road to disappointment and discouragement? All of those minor frustrations and disappointments with the traffic, the office gossip and the spilled coffee have set you up for a major calamity. And when you have to face some really serious problems like sickness or a failed relationship, you find that you aren’t prepared to deal with them. So you fall, plunging headfirst into hopelessness and despair.

What do you do when disappointment comes? When it weighs on you like a rock, you can either let it press you down until you become discouraged, even devastated, or you can use it as a stepping-stone to better things. Learn to adapt and adjust. You can do it! Face disappointment at its onset and be quick to make any adjustments required to remedy the situation. God has better things for you, and He will help you. He says in Hebrews 13:5, "…I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support…* not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down…

Instead of concentrating on your problems and getting discouraged, focus on God and meditate on His promises for you. You may have fallen down, but you don’t have to stay down. God is ready, willing and able to pick you up.*


#13

What is that guy thinking? He already has a new girlfriend, but he’s mad if she talks to a male friend?


#14

Him leaving four years ago and having no contact with her is the sign that it’s “over”.

No, he does know what he wants. He does not want a relationship with her. Leaving the country, making no attempt to contact her, and starting a relationship with someone new demonstrates this.

Yes, your advice to move on it quite good. Hopefully she’ll take it.

Doomed? I’d say she’s the luckiest girl around. This “man” lacks character. He saved her much grief by showing his bad character. You don’t want to marry such a person.

I think you did fine. You might recommend the book Date or Soulmate by Dr. Neil Clark Warren for her. It really might help her see things in perspective-- like that this person who treated her badly is not a man to invest any time in.

Now, here I disagree.

It’s been 4 years.

Why would she believe there was still anything between them? Why would she be surprised he had another girlfriend? Why would she care who he introduced to her mother?


#15

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