My friend is in trouble


I'm posting this here, because I'm not sure where else to put it.

My friend's mother is forcing a very shallow ideal of who he should marry, an ideal he does not share, and it's causing him great distress. What should he do?


He cannot marry whom he does not wish to marry. It wouldn’t be a valid marriage anyway. There must be full consent for a marriage to be valid.


1625 The parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and woman, free to contract marriage, who freely express their consent; “to be free” means:

  • not being under constraint;
  • not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law.

1626 The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that “makes the marriage.”[125] If consent is lacking there is no marriage.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church

1627 The consent consists in a “human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other”: “I take you to be my wife” - “I take you to be my husband.”[126] This consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in the two “becoming one flesh.”[127]

1628 The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear.[128] No human power can substitute for this consent.[129] If this freedom is lacking the marriage is invalid.

1629 For this reason (or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed.[130] In this case the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged.[131]


Saying no to this demand would not violate the fourth commandment?


“The United Nations views forced marriage as a form of human rights abuse, since it violates the principle of the freedom and autonomy of individuals.”

Your friend is the one who has to live the life,
I hope he will choose to live in God’s light,
but the choice is his.

May God bless him, his future choice of wife,
and may God bless his mother.


God regards the sacrament of marriage as sacred. He specifically puts the marriage relationship above the parental one in this scripture

Jesus said, “Have you not read that from the beginning, the creator made them male and female and this is why a man must leave father and mother, and cling to his wife, and the two become one body? They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So, then, what God has united, man must not divide.” [Matthew 19:4-6]

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib [c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman, '
for she was taken out of man."

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:20-24


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