My friend says she's "homoromantic asexual?"


#1

And I'm confused. I have a sister who is asexual (She has no desire to have sex or form a sexual relationship, even though all her hormones and things are normal) so I understand the concept of being asexual...and I understand what being homosexual is, but my close friend, who I always suspected was gay, told me he's "homoromantic asexual." He said it means he has no desire for sex/no sex drive, but he's attracted to men romantically...but I thought romantic love was sexual love? Can someone feel the closeness of romantic love without wanting sex?


#2

There is such a thing actually.

Asexuality is a rather broad spectrum, and one can be a romantic asexual without having sexual desire.

A homoromantic/heteroromantic asexual would be a person able to find themself attracted to somebody in a way that they want to hug them, talk to them, spend time with them, go on dates and all this, but wouldn’t desire them sexually and physically.


#3

Not usually, but don't underestimate the potential for sexuality/romance to fracture into disordered pieces, especially in men. Perhaps your friend is a rather unusual case of this.


#4

[quote="Aelred_Minor, post:3, topic:337663"]
Not usually, but don't underestimate the potential for sexuality/romance to fracture into disordered pieces, especially in men. Perhaps your friend is a rather unusual case of this.

[/quote]

I second this. Agreed fully.


#5

[quote="GodsLittleKayla, post:1, topic:337663"]
And I'm confused. I have a sister who is asexual (She has no desire to have sex or form a sexual relationship, even though all her hormones and things are normal) so I understand the concept of being asexual...and I understand what being homosexual is, but my close friend, who I always suspected was gay, told me he's "homoromantic asexual." He said it means he has no desire for sex/no sex drive, but he's attracted to men romantically...but I thought romantic love was sexual love? Can someone feel the closeness of romantic love without wanting sex?

[/quote]

Basically it means that your friend has no physical/sexual attraction at all, but enjoys dating men much more from a romantic/emotional standpoint. While people who aren't asexual understand romantic and physical attraction to weave together, asexuals don't, since they have no physical attraction in the first place. So my answers are yes, people can feel romantic love without wanting sex (in fact, I've had just that with some of MY ex-boyfriends as I have very strong SSAs but very, very weak OSAs, if any at all).

However, I will add that the sin of homosexual behavior has nothing to do with the "lust" side of it but rather the "disobedience" side of directly violating a purpose God made us for. Just because your friend doesn't lust after his boyfriend doesn't make the dating of him less sinful (though he likely wouldn't commit the second sin of adulterous lust).


#6

My $0.02 is it sounds like mixing of oil and water. Romance to me generally leads to a sexual attraction to some degree. In the other hand, wanting to just hang out is platonic.

Sounds more to me like you're friend and sister are more worried about defining something which seems to me to be a limiting proposition.

Being "born that way" doesn't mean you must always live that way (ie ignore God's call and make your body your god)


#7

THank you, I think that makes more sense.

I think what's difficult for me to grasp is that, I've never really understood the concept of romance? Like...I love my boyfriend, and I love my best girlfriends, and while we do different activities, I don't really feel a difference in the love I feel for them. SO when my homoromantic friend says he and his boyfriend go out to dinner, cuddle on the couch, hold hands, kiss each other on the cheeks, all I think is well..ok...my girlfriends and I do that too, but I'm not romantically attracted to them...is it just part of the difference of how guy friends act around each other compared to how girl friends act? I know girls tend to be much more cuddly and huggy and affectionate.


#8

…my sister says sex has absolutely no appeal to her, and when she was younger and not Christian, she tried it, and found even kissing disgusting, and decided to live a chaste single life instead. How is that “making her body her God?” How is not wanting to do something a fear of defiling somethign? Why would she need to do something which she finds completely undesireable?


#9

[quote="GodsLittleKayla, post:7, topic:337663"]
THank you, I think that makes more sense.

I think what's difficult for me to grasp is that, I've never really understood the concept of romance? Like...I love my boyfriend, and I love my best girlfriends, and while we do different activities, I don't really feel a difference in the love I feel for them. SO when my homoromantic friend says he and his boyfriend go out to dinner, cuddle on the couch, hold hands, kiss each other on the cheeks, all I think is well..ok...my girlfriends and I do that too, but I'm not romantically attracted to them...is it just part of the difference of how guy friends act around each other compared to how girl friends act? I know girls tend to be much more cuddly and huggy and affectionate.

[/quote]

What form is your relationship with your boyfriend?


#10

[quote="GodsLittleKayla, post:8, topic:337663"]
...my sister says sex has absolutely no appeal to her, and when she was younger and not Christian, she tried it, and found even kissing disgusting, and decided to live a chaste single life instead. How is that "making her body her God?" How is not wanting to do something a fear of defiling somethign? Why would she need to do something which she finds completely undesireable?

[/quote]

I was generalizing, generally a bad idea. That and typing on my phone = very bad idea.

What I meant was that I dint think we should just listen to our bodies desires.

I know a man, a family friend of 40 years, who has no interest in sex either. But, rather than making sure he had a name for his lifestyle (celibacy) he just lived his life.

I guess I'm just annoyed at today's cultural need to define every possible sexual "orientation" and didn't mean to specifically be untoward vs. your loved one's.

Hope that all makes sense.


#11

Ooh, yes, that does make sense. ANd I agree to an extent. I’ve seen so many labels I see no point for. I think some people want to label themselves with a dozen adjectives but, at the same time, I think sometimes a name can be a good thing, if one is confused. I think of those who suffer from SSA, discovering what homosexuality is and, even if they choose to live celebate lives, at least have a way to know there are others who struggle


#12

[quote="Rau, post:9, topic:337663"]
What form is your relationship with your boyfriend?

[/quote]

..he's my boyfriend? I don't know what else there is to that? We love each other, there's an attraction that we don't act one since we're saving ourselves for marriage. I don't think I understand the question?


#13

I'm not surprised some people are confused given some of the perverted garbage taught in schools and universities and churned out by the various media.


#14

The description you gave of the kissing and cuddling with your girlfriends left me confused as your circumstances/orientation.


#15

[quote="Rau, post:14, topic:337663"]
The description you gave of the kissing and cuddling with your girlfriends left me confused as your circumstances/orientation.

[/quote]

Where I live, if a straight girl refers to her "girlfriends" it just means her close female friends. I wouldn't kiss them on the lips or anything, but i'll kiss their cheeks if one is leaving for a long time, or if we're watching a scary movie on the couch we'll cuddle and cling to each other. I don't see anything wrong with that/anything that questions my orientation? I know some people aren't as comfortable with being physically affectionate like that though


#16

I know that, where I grew up in the South, stuff like that was completely normal and happened all the time. It wasn’t until I moved to the Northeast that people gave me really weird looks when I told them about girls holding hands with their best friends in high school & girls hugging pretty much all the time, etc. So yeah, I think it’s a regional thing.


#17

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