It’s not just unfair to you, it’s unfair to her as well. She needs to be able to come to terms with her vocation without you being actively involved in the process. With you being involved, it upsets the balance between the different options, as it will be hard for her to remain emotionally neutral when you’re right there - which could cause some inner conflict and confusion on her part.
You need to be removed from the process. She needs make the call to vocations director(s). She needs to meet independently with a spiritual director, without you being present. She needs to go on a discernment retreat or do something like an Annotation 19 on her own. At the present time this is her journey, and as much as you want to help and be present, you need to take a step back and let her figure this out.
I will not cast doubt on you having the charism of discernment of spirits. I am going to assume for the time being that it has been tested and verified by people other than yourself on multiple occasions - such as others in the past have specifically told you “you were right about that”.
At this time, however, allow me for a moment to exercise my own charisms. It very well may be that you could be sensing a spirit of confusion, but who is to say the confusion is not with religious life, but with marriage? Perhaps she is in fact called to the religious life, but feels confused due to her emotional connection to you, which would indicate the spirit of confusion that currently rests upon her is leading her away from God’s preferential will that she become a consecrated religious?
Furthermore, while I will not deny that there is a spirit of confusion on her part, I will also state that you yourself are the victim of a spirit (and spiritual warfare as a result of this) - based on some of the actions you have described yourself taking, and your emotional state. . At the present time, what are you doing to combat this for yourself, independent of her?
If you wish for her and yourself to meet with someone as a couple, then let it be a Catholic counselor. As I said before, being a new spiritual director, I have already decided I will not meet two people during the same meeting for many reasons. And if I was directing a man, I would not also direct his wife. With the former, how can you expect a spiritual director to give her spiritual direction regarding the consecrated life with the guy who wants to marry her is sitting right there? Spiritual direction should be 1:1, full stop. I encourage you both to see one, at different times with different people.
And obviously, I’ll restate that you need to walk away until she sorts this out.
I don’t envy you in your position. I have been volunteering in youth and young adults ministry for thirteen years now, I have seen this happen before. Trust me when I say remove yourself from her situation, and walk away until she comes to terms with things - or at least has less inner conflict.