My God Daughter is "marrying" a woman!


My God daughter announced several months ago that she is a lesbian. I had enough trouble digesting that news, but now she has announced she is marrying this woman. I am just heartsick. She lives 1800 miles away and I don’t see her that often, but have communication with her. She also is not a child - 39 years old - so I know she can make her own decisions. She posted her news on facebook, in which I do not participate. My sister told me that everyone is congratulating her on the news. I cannot and will not validate her in this abhorrent, abominable decision. However, I don’t want to just shut her out of my life either.

How do I welcome her and her new partner into my home? Or do I? Of course, I continue to pray for her and ask Our Blessed Lady to intercede. I will continue to send her Christmas cards, special occasion cards, etc., but they will not be addressed to her partner.

Any advice would be most appreciated.


No, you do not. That could lead someone to believe you approve of this “union”.

That is good. Offer up penance for her conversion, fast for her conversion, pray for her conversion.


I asked my confessor about cohabiting relationships that didn’t enjoy the benefit of marriage (your God daughter’s relationship would qualify here, I think). I asked him if it were okay if I didn’t go to their homes, but invited them into mine, met them in public places, enjoyed phone conversations with them, etc., and he encouraged me to do exactly that. He said it was perfectly charitable to decline invitations to their homes, yet still welcome them into mine and otherwise spend time with them. That way, you’re not cutting them off or shunning them. You’re still loving them, yet sending the message that something isn’t right, you know?

I have had to do this with both of my siblings, my husband’s best friend, and my own best friend. They all know where I stand, and after a brief period of initial hurt feelings, don’t seem to hold any grudges against me for sticking to my faith. :smiley:


Talk to her about the situation. Tell her that you love her, but that you cannot approve of the union. Explain to her why that is.

If she knows your religious beliefs (which I would think she should since you’ve been her Godparent for 39 years), she wouldn’t expect you to congratulate her anyway. Hopefully you can begin a dialogue that may open her eyes to returning to chastity again.


Please see if your diocese has a local chapter of EnCourage, a ministry to parents, relatives and friends of people with same sex attraction. Unlike Dignity and P-FLAG, EnCourage and Courage (for the people struggling) are faithful to the Church. There’s a link to EnCourage on the Courage website. It’s under “Community” on the left side of the page.



Your confessor was on to something, big time.

Never ever forget that we are all sinners-and we are called to love and pray for others.

I know that no one here would just ostracize the family, just wanted to remind us! :slight_smile:


First off, a hug for you because this is a tough situation. If you do cut her off, you run the risk of her dismissing you as being one of those cold, uncaring Christians that judges everyone. For right now, you are a branch between her and God’s teachings.
Show her love and compassion, but let her know that you love her but not the sin she is living in. Tell her that you are praying for her…and ask her to pray for you because you know you are a sinner as well. Let her know that you took your vow as a God parent seriously and that you will be praying for her.
If you feel uncomfortable having her over, then don’t. You can take her our for lunch or coffee now and again though. You might be surprised what some compassion from a Christian can do to people’s hearts. The suffering you feel when you see her…offer it up to God for her conversion back to the faith. Understand that she is probably a person who is suffering inside and very confused, she may have scars and issues you don’t understand… a warm gesture from a motherly figure might really touch her heart.
Do some reading on the Churches stance on same-sex attraction…it is not the harsh, bigoted perspective so many try and claim it is. It is compassion and impressionability at its finest.
I will pray for her.


I thank you all for your kind and insightful words! I offered today’s Mass intention for her. I will contact the diocese and check into EnCourage to see if we have a chapter or another near diocese. I will also visit the website. Thank you and God Bless you all! :slight_smile:

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