My mother has my brother and her 3 grown granddaughters, one with a baby due in January living in her very small house(plus 2 dogs, one a bull terrier the pet of the eldest grand)
My 1st issue is that these grands are not allowed to do anything for themselves. If they do she complains about the quality of their work. She does their laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. If she actually did a great job, I could say she is a perfectionist but the house is a filthy pigsty. They fight constantly. She complains about the dog barking and destroying all her things.
I try to stay out of it but a second problem has cropped up. My mother is beginning to smell of filth and urine. This may be something I need to step in and do something about.
Also, I try give the grands encouragement and good example. During the holidays, I ask that everyone chips in by making a dish or helping in some way.(only at my house) My mother end runs me by insinuating that I am to fussy or bossy and this gives the grands another excuse to not chip in.
Another thing she does is try to make all the food dishes, then complains that no one eats them. I don’t know why no one eats them, perhaps it is hygiene but I know the grands prefer plainer food. She refuses to make them things like grilled chicken (not chicken in mushroom sauce) or steaks(not Swiss steak) and baked potatoes( not potatoes fried in fat and onions) . So they don’t eat her food and she ends up throwing it away.
Lately my mother has been trying to push me out of the picture altogether for the holidays but I still would like to spend Christmas with my family. If I invite them to my house she will make them feel guilty, or start a fight and make everyone feel so badly that they won’t come. She also makes them feel that they are not really wanted by pointing to my request for good manners and cooperation as proof that I am the one who is unreasonable.
Any suggestions about how to help my nieces out of this emotional abusive situation that is teaching them to be helpless and probably future welfare people. What about my mom’s hygiene, should I step in?