My house is messy and I did not let a neighbor in


I feel very embarrassed because my neighbor came by. She wanted to see my kitchen, since we recently got it remodeled, but I have been crazy busy these couple of days and I was kind of in a middle of something when she came by all of a sudden.

She said she wanted to see my kitchen because she wants to remodel hers, too, but I told her I felt so embarrased I have been doing office work at home for the last week or so and that my kitchen was the least of the cleanest right now. I told her to come by in an hour or so, but she said that there was no problem. She was not in a hurry.

I barely see my neighbors because we all work and now that she came by…I just don’t know what to think.

I guess its kind of like they say that God will come when you least expect it…



For what it’s worth, I feel the same way about my house. Between my poor housekeeping skills and my two little ones, it looks a mess most of the time!

I see nothing wrong with politely asking someone who drops in on you to come back later, as you did. That’s better than you feeling uncomfortable the entire time the person is in your house.


I Feel So Much Better. I Just Needed About 15 Minutes To Pop The Dirty Dishes In The Dishwasher And To Wipe The Coutnertop A Bit.

I, Too, Have Two Little Boys. They Are 2 And 3.

I Guess My Worst Pet Peeve Is Having A Messy House. I Take Pride In Showing My Home, But This Time I Was Really Caught Off Guard.

I Will Call Her In A Bit To See If She Is Up To Coming Back To See Our Kitchen.

Thank You Very Much For Your Post!

I Feel Much Better Specially Because My House Smells Fresh With The Solution I Sprayed To Clean The Countertops.


No big deal, my house is messy sometimes too. Isn’t everyone’s?


In the old school, it is considered impolite to just drop by someone’s house uninvited and without previously calling, is rude. I would have told her I would love to show off my kitchen, but this was not a good time for me. Please let’s set up a specific day and time and we can have coffee.


My flat is most always messy :slight_smile: That’s what I get for living by myself I suppose. When this happens and friends drop by I offer to take them out for a coffee or something.

I think you did fine, given that one or both of you was likely to be made uncomfortable by the state of the house.


I called her and she came by. I felt much better. My house smelled fresh and she noticed. She loved our kitchen we chit chatted for a while and everything was really comfortable now.

Gee, it was just one of those days! I am sure it happens to everyone…



I’m sorry, but if all you needed was 15 minutes to tidy up, your house is NOT messy, lol.

Unexpected visitors send my pulse racing and my blood pressure sky high because I either have to let them into our “disaster area” or ask them to come back another time…preferrably weeks, lol, so that I can have time to tidy up.



My BP goes up, too! I age in a matter of seconds! I feel like collapsing!

haha :smiley:


If your house is truly messy then just invite your neighbor to come back later.

However, I know of a woman whose house is so neat and orderly that it would make Martha Stewart envious, yet she still thinks that it is messy.

She also believes that if only her house were more orderly and the clutter was out of her life, her spiritual well being would improve.:eek:


I can relate, at one point I considered dropping as friends anyone I knew who always had her kitchen and house spotless by 9 am (best friend is like that but I love her anyway). I just did not have the knack and it seemed like there was always something more important to do than clean, unless the baby was actually stuck to the kitchen floor. I went through literally years without having people over because my house was such a wreck. Fortunately DH and the kids cleaned every Saturday morning while I was at work and made a game of it so my kids have a better handle on housework than I did.

I finally decided to tackle that problem and surprisingly the answer was the Benedictine virtue of hospitality so I am much better now, at least if I find out DH had somebody over while I was gone I don’t shudder to think they were tripping over laundry baskets or moving books and newspapers to find a place to sit.


:slight_smile: I agree, when my house is messy, 15 minutes wouldn’t scratch the surface!!

I kind of feel like life is a little too short to worry about stuff like this. A few years ago, cousins who we didn’t see often, but absolutely loved, invited us to go out for a fish fry. We had a rough day that day and asked for a rain check. She died two weeks later. No one in the family knew she was sick, because she didn’t want anyone treating her any different in her last days. Believe me, if I had it to do over, I would have gone on that dinner!!

So now, I look at things a lot differently. The way I look at it - I have two choices: 1. Have a very neat clean house. 2. Have a house that’s not so neat, but have more time to spend with the kids playing and laughing. I choose #2 everytime. Now mind you, the house is NOT dirty, just cluttered. :slight_smile:

God bless!!



LOL, I have the same philosophy :smiley: Seriously, though, I wish I had the house cleaning gene.



Hi Puzzleannie, I can really relate. I’m a negligent housekeeper. Could you elaborate a little on the Benedictine virtue of hospitality and how you implemented it in your life–both practically and also in your spirituality? Was it a sudden transformation or did you develop better habits over time?

Did it take you long to incorporate it in your thinking?

I really struggle with being motivated with this. I’d much rather read a book or do a project or chat on CAF.


You can not even begin to imagine my mess right now!!! We are in the process of moving into a new home and uggghhhhh… there is NO words to describe the state of our little rent house now…The only thing that is keeping me going is thinking of my home, where everything is new and uncluttered. I made a pact with myself to thro/give so much away that I will not have a clutter problem anymore. Although the process has been slow as I sit for a 6 month old. 2 2year olds and homeschool my 6 year old…:eek: :smiley: Y


I guess what makes me feel bad is that I am at home all day long. I take care of my kids, work from home (help my DH run our family business).

The fact that I am at home, seems to me that, since I am at home, I must have the house tidy.

A friend of mine totally disagrees and she has a point. It is much worst when you are all day at home because you eat there, your kids are there playing etc… therefore, she says that I should not expect to have my house perfectly tidy. Now, if my kids were already in school and I would be working out of the house, then, since no one is at home, the house is kept better because no one is there to move things around…LOL!


Rest easy.

To clean up our house, we would need a 40 foot long dumpster for all my scattered books and papers … either that, or move into a warehouse and live in one teeny tiny tidy corner.


Uh oh! My house is a bit messy right now. :o Time to clean here. :o


The burden of ill-manners were hers not yours.

It’s terribly rude to invite oneself to any occassion. She should have requested, in advance, the privledge of visiting your home. Even that is iffy manners. Usually, the idea would be to say, “Oh I’d love to see what you’ve done and get some ideas myself!” and politely hope for an offer to be extended. Moving on gracefully to another subject if it is not.

**Other than that, I keep a clean home because I have to and because I like company and would be very upset to miss a chance to be with friends/family because of a dirty whatever. Not because I get an charge out of the cleaning itself. Staying home makes it harder, imho. We are here gettign things dirty much more than the family that is gone 8 - 12 hours a day! I love that anytime I need to, I can drop everything and enjoy a cup of coffee and conversation. I love that when I need something, I can actually find it and use it.

**All that said though, I rarely notice anything about another’s home. Short of needing to be closed down by the sanitation dept. I probably couldn’t care less about someone else’s dirty dishes or unvacuumed floors and unmade beds. I rarely look further than the cup of coffee and the person I’m talking to anyhow.:smiley: **


I feel your pain!

We went out to dinner with some friends, and left the house…not so fresh. :smiley:

Well, they invited my daughter to spend the night, and offered to stop by our house to pick up her sleep over “stuff.” The whole way home, I fretted over them coming in. DH pointed out that it was late, and they wouldn’t want to come in so they could get the kids home.

As soon as they pulled in the driveway, the mom jumps out, and asks if she can use our bathroom. I paused for a few seconds…and the thoughts that ran through my head?

“How bad do you have to go?”
“You should have gone before we left the restaurant.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have had that margarita.”

But…I, of course, let her in. Sigh. I had another moment of thought, imagining her lining the seat with toilet paper, but I let it go. :o

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