My husband and drugs


#1

Dear friends, I need your prayers and support today. My husband, an atheist, is slowly killing himself with alcohol, drugs and an eating disorder. We have one child, and at the moment, I live alone with our daughter.

To be honest, I'm glad he does not live with us. We recently reconciled after quite some years apart, in which I have taken a lot of time to straighten out my own issues. I am a devout Catholic (convert) and a tee-totaller. Other people's drinking does not worry me, it is just not right for me. There were issues of domestic violence before, and I'm not worried that they will reoccur. I just cannot see myself carrying a man who doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, doesn't work, takes drugs and drinks.

Quite honestly, I pray for one of two outcomes. That he will get his life straight and be the husband I know he could be, or that God takes him out of our lives completely. I'm sorry, friends, that is very un-Christian of me, but I feel sad, alone and desperate.

In Jesus' Name, :crossrc:


#2

I was reading this the other day and posted it. Its shows a profound, profound truth about the Cardinal virtue of temperance or temperancia in the Latin. We have lost the meaning of that word in our modern English and St. Thomas puts it all in perspective for us.

payingattentiontothesky.com/2010/01/20/st-thomas-on-temperance-and-intemperance-discipline-and-dissoluteness/

The knowledge of course cannot save your husband but it may be some bare comfort that his story is one that is so common.

God bless you for your courage and strength,

dj


#3

I am an alcoholic with a sobriety date of 5/4/1992.

I don’t think your attitude is abnormal. People like me (and your husband) put those who love us through living hell.

Please continue to be strong with your husband - do not let him off the hook. The answer to any of his ‘why’ questions about your life together should begin with, “Because you are an alcoholic and you continue to drink. How about those Jets, huh? Think they might be facing the Vikings in the Superbowl?”.

You are in my prayers.


#4

Thank you so much, both of you, for your thoughts and your prayers!!! x x

God bless, I'll keep you posted. x


#5

If you haven’t already, I really suggest you go to Alanon meetings. It will really help you to see his disease and give you the courage and support you need to take care of yourself.

Sometimes all the praying, doing, enabling and just everything doesn’t help at all, you have to let that person hit a rock bottom. You can’t change him as much as you would love to, he has to change himself.

Stay strong. Let Christ be your strength.


#6

Hi there Dana. How are you today? Thank you so much for your reply!! :D I am in the process of finding out where the Al Anon meetings are in my area. It is something I really want to do, being the child of both parents who are alcoholic (one in recovery, one not) and now my husband.

I'm spending a lot of time in prayer too. God bless you x xx x


#7

Also, he called me earlier today. Told me he had not been feeling great so he went to get something to 'powder his nose', so to speak. I just feel so tired and drained. I'm going to spend some time in prayer now, pray my Rosary etc. My little one is safe, warm and fed and will be going to sleep soon, I don't think I'll be far behind her!!!

x x x x x


#8

ALANON is a great suggestion. I am glad that you are following up on it. They will tell you what you need to know.


#9

I admire your strength and making your own way with your daughter so you both can have a better life. Alanon will be a great help to you and make you even stronger. Your little girl is very lucky to have you for her Mom. God Bless.


#10

Thank you so much MtnDrweller and Horselvr!! God bless!!! x x x


#11

i’m sober 25 years. i respectfully think LSK’s suggestion to talk about the superbowl with an addict who is a physical abuser is inappropriately nonchalant.

why, after years of separation, would you toy with the idea of reconciliation when NOTHING has changed?

his addictions sentence you to one of these choices:

**live with a potentially dangerous addict. expose your daughter to all the damage that entails.

**live with and then separate from in a life-long pendulum swing with the addict. see above for outcomes for your daughter.

**get help for YOU. get annulled. short cut help by finding another guy like this one. repeat the process. see above for daughter outcomes, then multiply them.

**get help for YOU. get annulled. stay single for a LOONG time. raise your girl in holy peace. some day, if you have patience and TRUST in God’s time, not yours, you may be rendered healed and strong enough to choose a good man. as it is now, (evidenced by your ruminations over a reconciliation with this guy) ***your partner-picker is very very broken. *** (you’re not alone in this. i’ve asserted this once already tonight to a differnet poster.)

in addition to AlAnon, seek out a meeting of Adult Children of Alcoholics. that group helped me almost as much as AA did.


#12

Monica, thank you so very much;) God's blessings to you from London!

When we got married, I was 25 and a user myself. I have been clean for quite some years now, and I moved away with my daughter for a new start and a better life. My husband went away for a few years and had counselling, anger management etc etc, and last year he told me that he'd always loved me and wanted to make it up to our daughter, blah blah. He's also 16 years my senior and in bad health (I wonder why!!) I've never loved another guy, and I certainly DO NOT want another partner/husband. No way! Mainly for the reasons you mentioned above.

I pray for God to intervene if his life. There is nothing He cannot do. I also pray that our Blessed Mother will help me to be a better mum! So, for the meantime, I stay close to our Lord and be the best parent I possible can!!

(ps my husband has no idea about sports of any kind, let alone US football, but I know what you were trying to say, LSK!!)

x x x x


#13

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