My Husband Filed For Divorce


#1

Hi everyone sorry if this might be a long story but it has come and quite a shock to me and i would like some prayers and I hope my husband decides to come back to his family.

March 14th 2011 my husband was depressed pretty much all morning. I had to be at work a little after noontime as I work per diem so i couldn’t call out. I kept asking him all morning if something was bothering him and he kept telling me no everything was fine. Anyways i’m at work and I kept texting him trying to get him to tell me what was wrong and all i got at that point was “We will talk about it when you get home” so i kept on asking and finally he texted me and told me he didn’t want to be married anymore. I was shocked. I knew our marriage wasn’t perfect but i would have never thought in a million years that would have been what he was going to say. He has been depressed for the last 2 years and would never get help for it and then right before Christmas I found out he was planning his own death on a suicide website. He was saying and talking to everyone about how he is mentally unstable and he believes he has bipolar but has not seen anyone to confirm. I confronted him after i found that out and he told me he was so afraid to tell me because he thought i would leave him. He promised me he would seek help but he never did. So when he told me that day he didn’t want to be married i thought he was going through one of his episodes. He now tells me that he is not in love with me anymore is so much happier without me and that he does not want to be with any woman period right now. I am not sure what to do i love him so much and we have a 5 year old daughter together. He filed for Divorce about 2 weeks after he left us. I met with our parish Priest about 1 week after he left and my husband met with him the same day that he filed for Divorce. My husband said that he still wants to visit our Parish Priest together but his mind has not changed because he is so much happier without me. I don’t understand how someone who says he is a Catholic can do something like this to his family who loves him so much. I don’t work only per diem so i am staying with my parents right now and I don’t see any money for our daughter except for 200.00 a month. I only make about 200.00 a month myself so we are living on 400.00 a month. About 1 week ago he just went out and bought a car but yet he can’t even send his daughter a little more money. I have been praying every night for God to touch him and for him to see the light that this is not the way. We both have never been unfaithful to one another so I have no idea how he thinks we cannot reconcile and have a wonderful life together. He just keeps reminding me how happy he is now that he is alone so i have no idea what i should do. I’m trying to not think about him and I am totally strong for our daughter but after she falls asleep at night i can’t help but cry because i miss him so much. We also just went on a little vacation just the 2 of us in early Feb and we had a great time together laughing and just being together. I surprised him with that as well i planned the whole thing so i could do something special for him. I don’t know how in 1 month and 1 week he can go from having fun with me and being in love to not being in love with me anymore. We are a young couple i am 23 and he is 24. Just keep us in your prayers and i hope he will find his way back and realize he cannot be happy without a family. Thanks for letting me talk.


#2

I'm praying for you my fellow.granite stater.


#3

I wish I had something to offer you…I will put you in my nightly prayers. I am sorry that your husband has done this. It is wrong, of course, especially for your daughter (not that you are less important, but she needs her daddy too). I wonder if he is using his mental illness as an excuse to get away from the responsibilities of marriage and fatherhood.

I would see a lawyer as soon as possible. You should be entitled to 50% of the assets of the marriage, and he should not be able to go out and spend money you have both earned during your marriage.

:frowning:


#4

You need to see a lawyer right away to protect yourself and your daughter, if you are still married you can be held responsible for some of his debts. It sounds like the mental illness is getting the better of him, for now. I hope you two can work it out, but do not take him back unless he seeks and sticks with treatment. Keep seeing the priest, he will be your anchor in this very difficult times to come.


#5

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:3, topic:236752"]
I wish I had something to offer you...I will put you in my nightly prayers. I am sorry that your husband has done this. It is wrong, of course, especially for your daughter (not that you are less important, but she needs her daddy too). I wonder if he is using his mental illness as an excuse to get away from the responsibilities of marriage and fatherhood.

I would see a lawyer as soon as possible. You should be entitled to 50% of the assets of the marriage, and he should not be able to go out and spend money you have both earned during your marriage.

:(

[/quote]

Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. I know it is wrong and i feel for my daughter especially because she has started acting out recently and I know why but she still doesn't understand why she is acting out. He won't even admit to a mental illness anymore he told me 4 months ago that he truly believes he has one but now it is complete denial because he is completely happy without us. He even said that he has been to a counselor since he left us and that the counselor said there is nothing wrong with him. So I am at a loss to why he is doing this when we both took vows. Even through all of this and all the hurtful things he has said to me I still want my husband back. I love him and miss him dearly. I really want to make this work I was even thinking of trying Retrouvaille but i don't know if he would be willing since he says he no longer is in love with me.


#6

I’ll pray for you and yours. A resource which you may find valuable in dealing with and understanding your husband’s depression is:

www.depressionfallout.org

It has some good links and there are forums there as well for support. I also have found Anne Sheffield’s books invaluable in dealing with my now ex-wife (we were married 20+ yrs) cycling through depression.


#7

Sent you a message.


#8

This NH boy is praying for a you, a NH girl.


#9

I'm really very sorry to hear about your situation. You must have been very young when you married if you are only 23/24 now and have a 5 year old son. Were you married when you were 17/18?


#10

Sounds like your husband is not just immature and unready/unwilling to take the responsibilities that comes with marriage, he is also quite selfish. You can’t force someone to come to grow up and come to Retrovaille if they are unwilling and their minds made up that they are just happier without you and the baby. You can certainly ask him, but if there is anything I can offer, I believe in the power of prayer, especially to the Blessed Mother. I will keep you in my daily prayers.:gopray2:


#11

I will keep you in my prayers. I noticed that you leave in Manchester. St Marie’s Parish (west side of Manchester) has 24 hour Eucharist Adoration. A great place to pray and spend some time with Jesus.


#12

STYRG thanks for that link it taught me a lot i think i am going to buy one of the books as well. it's so hard when you love someone so much and want to be with them and they do not return the love anymore. Especially when you have kids.

Thank you RascalKing for your prayers.

Phil. We actually had a daughter out of wedlock. It was a really tough time in my life as i was dealing with a lot of things that had happened in my child hood and i wanted to rebel against my parents. I gave birth to her at 18 and we married at 19 we have been together for 7 years so far.

cviolette thanks for letting me know that I did not know that about St Marie's. My parish is St Josephs Cathedral but if i can find a babysitter I would love to go to adoration over there.

And thank you everyone else for keeping us all in your prayers. I just want was is best for my daughter and for her safety. God Bless!


#13

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Definitely get a lawyer ASAP. I dont know about your situation but it sounds like he could be experiencing symptoms of being bipolar. If so, his mood could swing back to manic--and when it does--he might come begging to reconcile. I recommend seeking counseling for yourself regardless of what happens with your marriage. I will keep your whole family in my prayers and I hope your husband will get the mental health care and spiritual care he needs. Your daughters needs should always come first though so trust your instincts.

We will be here supporting you in prayer. God will get you through this.

Sincerely,

Maria1212


#14

You will be in my Prayers!!!

Take care of yourself and your daughter... God will give you strenght!
As others have said: get a Lawyer, get informed ! Keep talking to your Priest, and get support from Family/friends.
Could be depression or just that he is truly inmature and selfish: he is not only doing this to you, but also to his own daughter. No matter the reason, his attitud and priorities are of no good for you nor your daughter!!! So be strong! Pray, pray, pray, and get informed!


#15

So sorry this has happened. My daughter is your age and just broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years who has similar depression problems. He always seemed to blame his unhappiness on her. I love him, miss him and am very worried how he will deal with the breakup but at the same time I am very relieved that she is not going to marry him. I think it would be heartbreaking to spend your life with someone with this type of problem. Keep praying and surround yourself with those that love you (your family and friends). I will pray for you, your daughter and him.


#16

I think you nailed it right on the head. When he was visiting the suicidal forums before I found out he posted all about how he believes he has bipolar because he goes through the mania phases and then he falls to an all time low where he hates everything and life. I just wish i could help him. My daughter will always come first I think my husband has been jealous of that as well the last couple years. He has told me on numerous occasions that our daughter loves me and does not love him at all. Even if he refuses to admit it and blame it all on me I know that behind it all there is a hidden illness he needs to seek help for. I pray to God everyday to help me and my daughter get through this and it has taken some time but I can feel it start to work.

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I’m waiting for my Priest to get back to me on another meeting he is so busy with Holy Week and all.

I have already met with a lawyer but there is nothing else to do until i get served with the official Divorce papers.


#17

:signofcross: Our Lady of Good Help, we plead with you to assist this family.


#18

Thank you for your continuing prayers. My husband told me yesterday that he thinks he wants to tell his lawyer to postpone the Divorce and just file for Separation for now. He still wants to meet with our Priest together as well. I'm hoping this is the start of a new beginning for us. I know he still needs help and he still is in denial about his emotional issues but I have left it up in Gods hands. I continue to pray for my husband and only God can help us with whatever thing he or we need to overcome. Thank you.


#19

[quote="babygirl1029, post:18, topic:236752"]
Thank you for your continuing prayers. My husband told me yesterday that he thinks he wants to tell his lawyer to postpone the Divorce and just file for Separation for now. He still wants to meet with our Priest together as well. I'm hoping this is the start of a new beginning for us. I know he still needs help and he still is in denial about his emotional issues but I have left it up in Gods hands. I continue to pray for my husband and only God can help us with whatever thing he or we need to overcome. Thank you.

[/quote]

This is good but get a lawyer before signing anything even for separation and if you can mandate psychological eval for visitation with the kids it may help in the long run


#20

Ok. Pray to Saint Monica, Saint Rita, and saint Dymphna Patron saint for mental illness. St Monica and Rita had troubled marriages. Also pray to saint Michael to defend him because a lot of times mental illness can be spiritual. In the meantime, please try reading the book The Love Dare. Visit the priest as well but make sure he knows you will be ok with or without him. I know that's tough. In the meantime, see a lawyer and don't bring anything up about weather or not he wants to be with u in the meantime with your husband. It's hurtful and u should try to allow him to recede fro
His prior statement without the big discussion. If he didn't mean it he wont wZnt to say that. Hopefully a non legal separation can be arranged if he really did mean it. I will pray pray pray for you. Also I'm not sure where you are from but Jacksonville fla has a wonderful place called Christian Healing ministries which may really help u both if u are ever in the area. God bless!


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