My husband has a friend


I am having a tough time with a situation regarding my husband and a friend of his. THey have known each other for years, in fact my husband kind of dated this guys sister for a while. HIs friend is married, they used ABC and I know that this friend of his can be very crude, in fact my husband has told me about how this friend of his watches pornography, and does things on his own that he shouldn’t and even treats his wife as a means to his own sexual gratification.
My problem is this; he and his wife are “Catholic”. THey live in california, but my husbands friend is coming to Oregon and has invited us to dinner. I don’t think that being around him is good for us (mostly for my husband) becuase to me it is an occasion of sin. My husband says that we have to be a good example to him, but how can we be a good example if my husband starts acting crude as well? Now, the past couple times he has seen him we have had serious conversations, even arguments about it, and my husband has been able to behave himself (one of tthese times I was present, so the other time I have to take his word for it).
I don’t know what to do. I am tired of arguing and I am tired of trying to get him to understand my concern. What should I do?


Have your husband read Meaning of Christian Brotherhood By Pope Benedict XVI (When he was Cardinal Ratzinger). It is a great book about who our friends are and how they influence us. Its short and to the point.


Why are you assuming that your husband acts inappropriately? You have stated you have never witnessed him doing so. Why is his word not enough?


My immediate gut reaction would be to make a “deal” with him.

** Tell him that you also think it’s important to be a good witness to the faith and to show a good example of what being a Catholic is all about. Express again that you are worried that he will fall into being crude with his friend and not be the positive influence he hopes to be.**

Ask him what you can do to help him. Maybe you could agree that you will have a code word if you sense things getting crude. Or you could be more bold and tell him that you won’t tolerate that kind of behavior. Be clear that if he does/says something inappropriate that you will leave. Make sure you state, out loud to his friend and wife, why you are leaving.

Who knows? Maybe that is the kind of example the wife needs in order to realize she doesn’t have to put up with crude behavior. If you just sit quietly and then argue about it with your hubby at home, her husband is saying to her “see, even “your name” doesn’t have a problem with it”.

**Just my gut instinct…but I’m probably way off. **



Are you afraid your husband will be tempted to act crudely or engage in sinful behavior, or is it simply that you dislike this man?

You mention that you two are arguing about it so it must be at least semi-important to both of you for some reason. What is the real reason you don’t want to associate with this couple? What is the real reason he wants to associate with them?

I don’t know if I’m just groggy tonight and reading into things or what, but something about your posts seems to imply that neither of you are really touching on the true issue. Instead you are both creating straw men. You are justified because the couple is sinful. He is justified because he wants to be charitable.

Is there more going on here then wanting to be good?


Trust your husband. And for pity’s sake don’t ever try to get between him and his friend. He may not say anything now but he’ll resent you for it.


Let me give you some advice for your husband.
Is there a Catholic Men’s Fellowship/Accountability group near you? If so, find a way for your husband to check it out. IF our husband is serious in living the Catholic life, then he should associate himself with like minded Catholic men. I’ve been a memeber of a group for 5 years and it has helped me GREATLY.

We are to flee from sin. Sometimes we are successful and other times we are not. It’s the latter where the sacrament of Confession is at it’s best. If your husband takes this advice, I believe your trust in him should improve.


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