My husband has filed for divorce--what is your advice?


Hello. My husband is Catholic and I am currently going through the RCIA process. However, he recently decided to move out and file for a divorce. Our 3 children are devestated, and of course, so am I. He has told me already that he has the right to do this because our marriage is not valid and this must be what God wants him to do because he has chosen to do so. He refuses to speak with either of our priests or any sort of counselor regarding his decision.

I have 2 questions: 1) Does the church believe that he is correct in dissolving the marriage because it is invalid? 2) Would it be okay for me to discuss this matter with his priest and ask that he try to counsel my husband in his decision and to reconsider his choice?

Thank you.


Dear friend,

You don’t mention how old the children are or if they are still home. So I don’t know the context. But from what you have said, he doesn’t seem to be acting honestly—especially since he won’t talk to a priest. It sounds like he has already made up his mind and has a definite agenda.

While the Church may not consider you marriage to be valid, he owes you honesty and he owes his children his presence if they are still dependent on him. Basically, he is saying that because he wants out, this is God’s will—as if we tell God what His will is! Something is dreadfully wrong here and it has to do with what his motivation really is.

Certainly, discuss this with a priest. You need any support he can give you. I suggest that you spend time before Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. This is where you will find your strength. He knows what it is like to be betrayed and abandoned. He is with you in this and this experience is giving you a share in His passion. Pray for your husband’s soul. The Lord has His hand on you as your entrance to the Church draws near. You both are in my prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

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