My husband has left


#1

My husband has left three days ago. I am very sad, hurt, angry, confused. I still consider myself married. Apparently so does he. He has made many comments that are demeaning about the faith although he does consider Catholic. There are many issues. At this point I am not going to file for divorce - I have spoken to a lawyer and I praying for true conversion of my husband and not this dog and pony show that he is putting on but preparing the worst. there has been mental abuse and abandonment. I am disabled and cannot drive and he left me with no way to get to the medical appoitntments I have and now I am at the mercy of my friends and the county. It is hard and I need support and prayers. At this point for him to come back if he ever wants back I have decided on three things that will have to happen and that is that three people will need to tell me he is ready - an individual a therapist, a couples therapist, and the priest that I am used talking to not the ultra one that he follows around. I need strength.


#2

:hug1: and :crossrc:


#3

I'm sorry this is happening. What is going on in this world? It is crazy what people are doing and it seems to be getting worse. Lord have mercy.


#4

Thank you - and yes to head the question I have read all about NPD - LOL. :rotfl: See still got my sense of humor.....


#5

I'm sorry to hear that. It is hard enough when there are no health issues, harder when there are. Thank God you have the support of good friends to help you right now. Lean on God and you'll make it through this.


#6

So sorry to hear this. I will be praying for your reconciliation.


#7

I'm so sorry.


#8

I am so sorry to hear this but you are not alone. Thank you for posting and letting us help you with our prayers etc. I hope you find some comfort in this forum, and over time, God will help heal you. Try and stay strong.


#9

I got a call late last night from a priest friend of mine that who had offered him some help before. He had apparently threatened me and I was being warned. Last night was interesting as far as sleep went. I love him but he needs some serious psychological help.


#10

[quote="joandarc2008, post:9, topic:207289"]
I got a call late last night from a priest friend of mine that who had offered him some help before. He had apparently threatened me and I was being warned. Last night was interesting as far as sleep went. I love him but he needs some serious psychological help.

[/quote]

Then you really need to report it to the police and your lawyer, and see about getting a restraining order. There's no reason not to protect yourself while you pray for him.

:gopray:


#11

Sorry to hear about your situation...I'm sure it was many years in the making.

Stay focused on Christ and his community and make sure your basic needs are being met for the time being. Pray, Reflect, and Reach out!


#12

If your life was threatened PLEASE call your nearest NRA group and talk them about
their program of self protection for women. A restraining order often does not work, just makes the penalty higher for the offender after they have beaten or killed the protected person.

Change your door locks, just put the lock on the back door on the front door and vice versa to avoid expenses.

Be aware of your surroundings at ALL times, especially at night.

Try to get a housemate....preferably one who can drive you to your appointments for a cut in the rent.

All that said, my sympathies are with both of you. I just came off three years of caring for a sick relative, I loved her dearly, but you are pushed to your limits when caring for someone...your husband may have needed a rest from the exhausting toil of caring for
someone. If you reconcile, please get a third party in there, someone to listen to HIM, someone to help out with your care. I would get so tired both physically and emotionally, when I would lose patience, I would have to add extreme guilt to my burdens. I know he signed on for sickness and health but we all need help, it's not easy to do it alone.


#13

Sorry to hear about your situation...I'm sure it was many years in the making.

from what i understand from her banner signature, they've been married 1 year 8 months. joan, this is a marital catastrophe. a nearly newlywed husband walking out on his disabled wife? and threatening to harm her to a third party--- who is a priest?

joan, it will be YEARS before anyone can tell you this guy is ready to come back-- even if he REALLY WANTS to improve, heal, grow and change. YEARS.

and if he doesnt really want that? it will be NEVER.

all the practical advice you've been given has been good so far: gather your resources. accept that you are other people's mercy--- it's better than being at his mercy. keep in close contact with a good priest for spiritual direction. talk to a lawyer. call the cops. make a report and protection order.

dont stop praying. from the memorare to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, "O Good Jesus, hear me! Within your wounds, hide me!" pray that all day long.


#14

I also just found an old SSD application in the house which was temporary and under the impression was for respiratory issues that were newly diagnosed. It wasn't. It was for mental issues. Impulse control issues, social anxiety disorder, jekyl/hyde syndrome, and a baker act for homicidal tendencies. God help me please.


#15

I also just found an old SSD application in the house which was temporary and under the impression was for respiratory issues that were newly diagnosed. It wasn't. It was for mental issues. Impulse control issues, social anxiety disorder, jekyl/hyde syndrome, and a baker act for homicidal tendencies. God help me please.

joan, look. there may be nothing to save here. your husband's mental issues AND his failure to disclose mental illness issues are likely impediments to vows. even if that diagnosis occured after your vows, how likely is it that these problems are new? you've been married less than 2 years!


#16

[quote="monicatholic, post:15, topic:207289"]

joan, look. there may be nothing to save here. your husband's mental issues AND his failure to disclose mental illness issues are likely impediments to vows. even if that diagnosis occured after your vows, how likely is it that these problems are new? you've been married less than 2 years!

[/quote]

They are not - but I am still looking to work with him as long as he is willing to work on them. and I mean WORK not play.


#17

They are not - but I am still looking to work with him as long as he is willing to work on them. and I mean WORK not play.

joan, he's gone. he's threatening you to priests. he has **undisclosed **diagnosises-- jekyl and hyde, for pete sake. what part of this makes you think he'll be willing to "work" with you?

look, you do NOT have to answer this to me, but is it likely, is it POSSIBLE even, that you want something here you're just not going to get? something that you just can't have because he's **constitutionally unable **to give it to you?

hope in God is a theological virtue, Joan. hope in unrealistic stuff isn't a virtue and it isn't hope. hope in mirages is wishing. wishing has gotten more than one woman beaten to a pulp and a few of them worse than that.


#18

[quote="joandarc2008, post:16, topic:207289"]
They are not - but I am still looking to work with him as long as he is willing to work on them. and I mean WORK not play.

[/quote]

Joan,

I have been going through some of your old posts, because I remembered you had problems before. It doesn't sound like your marriage was ever "made in heaven", so to speak. You have been having problems since before your marriage, and then really started having them shortly after you were married.

Here is something you posted in September 2009:

*"I have realized that my hubby is not the person I married- he is suffering from straight psychosis and pulled the wool over all our eyes including his own. It is sad but i do pray for him and I will be there for him as a friend. Luckily - silver lining- is that an annullment should be simple. . *

Sometimes it is better to end a very bad, and what will probably turn out to be an invalid, marriage. I think the priest who called you last night is trying to give you a hint. I volunteer with a support group through my church, that helps people whose marriages have collapsed. There are some people who stayed in their hopeless marriages much too long, and will pay for it the rest of their lives. I think your case falls in this category. You have been married for such a short time, and things were bad from the start. This is not a healthy marriage if he has mental issues that were never fully disclosed to you.

You cannot help a man who has uttered threats against you. Sometimes you have to let go and trust God to help you through. I know how hard and scary it is, but you can get through, with God's help.


#19

Joan:

I don't know what to say. This is so tragic because he was also your caregiver. Is there anyone there for you to help you--take you to your appointments---just be there for you a relative---a friend---someone from the church that can come to help you.

The Priest must be concerned for your safety. This seems to be a scary situation you are in. I am sorry I have not been following the trouble in your marriage but from what you have written here it sounds very concerning.

I will pray for you/for your safety.


#20

My prayers are going up for you tonight.


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