Here’s our situation. Currently my husband and I are pregnant. I’m the only one employed and things have been not going good at work. I’m being forced to work 50 hours a week and though I’ve been doing well all year, I feel like because of the exhaustion with pregnancy, the morning sickness and being forced to work hours I could barely handle, that during my first trimester my production and quality went down. I’ve been told if I don’t improve I could lose my job. This has been scary, so my husband and I decided it was better I start applying now rather than wait for them to get rid of me.
Right away, I found a great job that is just ideal for me. My husband even thought it was ideal for me and encouraged me to apply. So last week I applied. I was planning on making a follow up call this Friday.
Well over the weekend, I mentioned that I had started applying to my in-laws and about the writing position and his mom was like “Oh that position I recommended to my son. Yes, he should apply there.” She sort of gave me this funny look that I had applied and then scoffed at where my husband was thinking of currently applying to. He had told me he was going to submit his application early this week and he hasn’t. Instead, on Tuesday, we went to a sort of bible study thing at the parish, and stayed after socializing. Some men started recommending this same writing job to him and encouraging him to use them as references. This made him feel great, till I mentioned this was the same job I had already applied for.
He is now acting like its the only job in the area that he qualifies for and has been insisting that I email them and state that I rescind my application or at least promise him not to take a job interview or to promise him I won’t accept the position if its offered to me. He says he’ll resent me if I take it. Meanwhile he keeps talking about how he needs a whole additional week to prepare his resume and writing samples and that normally he’d want me to look over them and advise them, but he feels like I’d sabotosh his chances. I’ve tried to assure him that I’d never do that, and he just goes back to trying to make me promise I won’t take the job.
I just want to leave it in God’s hands. There’s a good chance that neither one of us will even get interviews and that someone other than the two of us will get the job. I’ve tried to explain to him that my not getting the job doesn’t suddenly guarentee him the job. I am actually more qualified for the job than he is. He knows that. Of the two of us, there is a chance that I’m the only one who could get the job, but he refuses to even entertain that thought. Meanwhile he’s not applying anywhere else. He just wants to focus on this one job. He’s convinced I’m qualified for other jobs that he’s not qualified for at all and that I should only focus on those types of jobs.
He does have bi-polar but its been very controled. He’s very good with taking his medication. He did recently start having trouble sleeping through the night. It was like his medication wasn’t kicking in and he did mention to his mom that he was starting to feel a bit manic last weekend. He did what his doctor advised and took some extra medication to help him sleep and that has seemed to help. But yesterday he just completely blew up at me and started calling me names and slamming doors and using vulgar language. I had a dentist appointment to go to and when I came back he had written me an apology letter and even said he hoped one of us got the job. He seemed extra tired and when I asked him why he was tired, he mentioned he took an extra dosage of his prescription because he thought his blow up might be due to the bi-polar.
Anyway, after seeking advise from some friends, I was told to really consider the fact that he’s going through a lot with being unemployed and that I should let him apply (I wasn’t not letting him, however) because being employed would boost his self esteem. I decided (and it was so hard for me to do) that I wouldn’t make a follow up phone call. I told him this last night and was hurt that he didn’t seem appreciative of this gesture. Then this morning, I just started crying because I really do want to go after this job and its hard to not pull it all out to get it. I spoke to my husband asking how he was doing and he said he felt numb. Then he found out I had only meant that I wasn’t going to make a follow up, not that I had told him I wouldn’t take the offer. At first he seemed peaceful and agreeable but then he said that he felt numb and just didn’t want a conflict and wasn’t really thinking things through.
Once he got in the shower however I heard him swearing and venting and going off referring to me as his “stupid wife.” When he got out, I tried to hold him and tried to show him that I understood the pain he was going through and tried to assure him this wasn’t his only job opportunity and that I would actually work to improve his chances by helping him out with his resume and what not and he just went off that I’m not willing to do enough and that its not good enough unless I email them and tell them rescind my application. He then suggested I do this, let him apply and if he doesn’t get it, than I can apply. I was like “We have the same last name. It’ll look bad and ruin both our chances if we do that.”
What should I do? Do I need to just submit to his temper tantrem for the good of the marriage?