My husband wanted me to do something and I didn't


#1

want to, so now I feel guilty.

There is a huge number of things I need to do which I find extremely difficult to do when I am watching the children, which is almost all the time because my husband will “watch” them for me but what that means is that he lets them watch tv. He’s not Catholic, and doesn’t understand why there are some movies I don’t want them to watch, or why I don’t want them to watch a lot.

So he suddenly decided to take the children to an event a couple of hours drive away, an event that I was not in the least interested in, nor was I interested in riding that far, esp considering that I have to drive about 3 hours tomorrow for another (necessary) reason. But mostly I thought: great! I’ll finally be able to do x, y, and z!!!

So then he got mad because I said I didn’t want to go, and then he said that he’s always working, and I asked if he wanted to discuss it, which he didn’t because he never wantts to discuss anything–he either gives in sulkily or gets really mad–but the reality is that he’s in his office (at home) all the time, but he not only works, he always spends hours on the phone with relatives and friends who are going through a crisis, other people in his line of work helping them out, etc. There are plenty of times when he doesn’t join us but ends up watching movies instead.

So I don’t think it’s fair for him to get mad, but otoh, I also want to be a submissive wife. But I also would like to have time to myself to get these certain things done, without thinking the whole time that I am either going to be interrupted or that the children are just watching tv.

So was it a sin that I didn’t go with him? He was mad when he left–wouldn’t say good bye or anything. I try not to ask him to do stuff because he doesn’t even do the stuff he comes up with for himself to do, and when I ask him, he usually has a reason for why he won’t do it, so I feel like he’s being unfair, but I also know that feelings aren’t facts and life isn’t always fair…

I’m just confused! Thanks!


Cardinal Muller: no need to clarify Amoris Laetitia [CC]
#2

Pardon me for saying so, but I think you may be married to my husband :wink: .

Let’s keep each other’s husband in prayer. What’s your husband’s name? Mine’s Kevin.

In Christ,
Nancy :slight_smile:

[quote=St Francis]want to, so now I feel guilty.

There is a huge number of things I need to do which I find extremely difficult to do when I am watching the children, which is almost all the time because my husband will “watch” them for me but what that means is that he lets them watch tv. He’s not Catholic, and doesn’t understand why there are some movies I don’t want them to watch, or why I don’t want them to watch a lot.

So he suddenly decided to take the children to an event a couple of hours drive away, an event that I was not in the least interested in, nor was I interested in riding that far, esp considering that I have to drive about 3 hours tomorrow for another (necessary) reason. But mostly I thought: great! I’ll finally be able to do x, y, and z!!!

So then he got mad because I said I didn’t want to go, and then he said that he’s always working, and I asked if he wanted to discuss it, which he didn’t because he never wantts to discuss anything–he either gives in sulkily or gets really mad–but the reality is that he’s in his office (at home) all the time, but he not only works, he always spends hours on the phone with relatives and friends who are going through a crisis, other people in his line of work helping them out, etc. There are plenty of times when he doesn’t join us but ends up watching movies instead.

So I don’t think it’s fair for him to get mad, but otoh, I also want to be a submissive wife. But I also would like to have time to myself to get these certain things done, without thinking the whole time that I am either going to be interrupted or that the children are just watching tv.

So was it a sin that I didn’t go with him? He was mad when he left–wouldn’t say good bye or anything. I try not to ask him to do stuff because he doesn’t even do the stuff he comes up with for himself to do, and when I ask him, he usually has a reason for why he won’t do it, so I feel like he’s being unfair, but I also know that feelings aren’t facts and life isn’t always fair…

I’m just confused! Thanks!
[/quote]


#3

I don’t believe it was a sin, so long as you didn’t call him names although it may have been virtuous of you to make that huge
sacrifice.

I have a problem with my husband too. He never wants to discuss
things in a way that would cause communication to go back and forth. That may mean he would have to give up some of what he wants.

In any case, I don’t beleive this falls under the “submission” category. Plus, if he is not Catholic, I’m not sure you owe him
all that much.

I told mine if he were more “Godly” and submitted his life to the Lord, then I would submit willingly. He has since come around quite a bit. Keep trying.


#4

[quote=Catholic4aReasn]Pardon me for saying so, but I think you may be married to my husband :wink: .

Let’s keep each other’s husband in prayer. What’s your husband’s name? Mine’s Kevin.

In Christ,
Nancy :slight_smile:
[/quote]

Me too!! We should find a prayer for all our husbands that we could pray together. Would anyone be interested?


#5

[quote=Lone Catholic]Me too!! We should find a prayer for all our husbands that we could pray together. Would anyone be interested?
[/quote]

I would be SO interested. Or maybe we could start our own thread for Catholic women with unbelieving husband so we can support one another!

In Christ,
Nancy :slight_smile:


#6

[quote=St Francis] I also want to be a submissive wife.
[/quote]

**I am not sure of the exact phrasing, but I am sure someone will help me out.:slight_smile: **


Wives are called to be “submissive” to their husbands at the same time that their husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the Church.


It is supposed to be a two-way street. As long as your husband is loving you unconditionally and putting your needs above his own then you are called to submit to his “authority”. If you believed that he was truly acting in your best interests and out of love then you would find this easy to do.


But, like you so wisely said, life is not always fair! So we need to do the best we can with any given situation and try to make sure that our actions please God and not let our feelings get in the way. Harder to do than to say, but a worthy goal!


Malia


#7

I would also like to strongly suggest that you read Dr.Laura’s book called “Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”.

** It is a great book for all wives and especially helpful to those who find themselves in less that happy marriages. There are so many little things a woman can do to change the relationship for the better if she is married to a basically decent man.**

** I found it well worth the read! If you choose to read it I hope it helps you out…**

**Malia **


#8

[quote=Catholic4aReasn]I would be SO interested. Or maybe we could start our own thread for Catholic women with unbelieving husband so we can support one another!

In Christ,
Nancy :slight_smile:
[/quote]

OK I’m going to start one!! :slight_smile: See you there!


#9

[quote=Feanaro’s Wife]I would also like to strongly suggest that you read Dr.Laura’s book called “Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”.

** It is a great book for all wives and especially helpful to those who find themselves in less that happy marriages. There are so many little things a woman can do to change the relationship for the better if she is married to a basically decent man.**

** I found it well worth the read! If you choose to read it I hope it helps you out…**

**Malia **
[/quote]

Another good book that I recommended on another thread is Called to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. Written by a fundamentalist Christian, and there are definitely things you will have to weed through, but overall, it is a great book–lifechanging for me actually. Check it out!


#10

[quote=St Francis]So was it a sin that I didn’t go with him? He was mad when he left–wouldn’t say good bye or anything.
[/quote]

First, we are all responsible for our own actions. That means you did not “make” him mad. He chose to be mad. His being mad is not a sin on your part.

What does “submissive” mean in the bible? I think he married a wife, not a maid. You are not a slave subject to his every whim. It sounds as if “X, Y, and Z” were chores related to the family. If so, you were still serving your family.


#11

I’m so embarrassed to have married so many other people’s husband :wink: I’ll pray for yours if you’'ll pray for mine :slight_smile:

Thanks everybody for your responses–it’s hard to sort some of these things out sometimes.

I had to laugh about the book recommendation for Created to be his Helpmeet–a lady I know gave me a copy, but after reading how they got married I was so… stunned that I put it down. (That’s right at the beginning) I’ll have to pick it back up and skip that part.


#12

[quote=Feanaro’s Wife]I would also like to strongly suggest that you read Dr.Laura’s book called “Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”.

** It is a great book for all wives and especially helpful to those who find themselves in less that happy marriages. There are so many little things a woman can do to change the relationship for the better if she is married to a basically decent man.**

** I found it well worth the read! If you choose to read it I hope it helps you out…**

**Malia **
[/quote]

Hi Malia, I tried to read Dr. Laura’s book, but I found it so obvious. Granted, I grew up with brothers and a dad, and a mom who understood that men and women were different, so I guess if a woman doesn’t know how men are, it would help, but it wasn’t helpful to me. just my :twocents:


#13

ref your title: how many times a day does this happen? for me, it is quite a few, I’m afraid.


#14

[quote=beckyann2597]Hi Malia, I tried to read Dr. Laura’s book, but I found it so obvious. Granted, I grew up with brothers and a dad, and a mom who understood that men and women were different, so I guess if a woman doesn’t know how men are, it would help, but it wasn’t helpful to me. just my :twocents:
[/quote]

**I know exactly what you mean…but some of the things that I found “obvious” I realized I still wasn’t doing, lol. **

So it was just the kick in the pants I needed. I found it helpful to have certain things explained in a way that illustrated how they were affecting my marriage instead of just “that would be nice to do”. Not sure if I’m getting my point across…I feel a bit jumbled today, lol.


Malia


#15

Yep, that was pretty wacky, and there are other wacky parts as well! You just have to sort through the crazy to find the nuggets of truth. It almost seems like it was written a long time ago, but it wasn’t! But really, among some of her craziness and overexaggerations, she makes some excellent points. Try reading through it again…


#16

I also want to be a submissive wife.

Yes - you are so right there. Ask me. I am a husband to a pagan wife. A lovely woman who loves me. But pagan. Fifteen years ago I decided to be submissive – to be Christlike as much as I could. It was absurd. We went to happenings that made me cry. I prayed to Mary all the time. My wife noticed. I went on vacations that were meaningless.I prayed to Mary all the time. My wife noticed. The years went by and slowly slowly, as I prayed myself into submission to X,Y and Z I myself began to get another perspective. Being married is a cross, having children is a cross. Why are my children and my wife still pagans? The cross. Thank you Lord. And bless you Mother Mary. Would I pray as much if things were different?

Please write to me or talk on the msn – I want so much to discuss this with a woman !

Tom


#17

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