I’ll try not to be too wordy with this post. I had my fourth baby 2 weeks ago. My husband, who is not Catholic, has been whining about not getting any “luvin.” I have taken oral sex (to completion) off of our lovemaking menu, much to his dismay, and he has complained off and on about this for the last couple of years since I converted, and blames the Catholic Church for this “disruption” into our lives. He has gone along with practicing NFP but says he could live with it better if we could do “other things” in the fertile time. I have, after my last 2 babies, resumed intercourse with him after about 3 weeks, mainly to keep him from asking about “AFP”–his nickname for “alternative forms of pleasure.” Obviously, I am not able to have intercourse at this point, and especially not when he first started hinting about what he wanted–around 1 week postpartum. Besides the fact that anything sexual is the LAST thing on my mind right now, he knows I have moral reasons to not practice “AFP.” However, he has continued to whine about it, ask every now and then, even when I’m not postpartum–just b/c he says he likes it and wants something “different” now and then.
I am at a loss to know what to do. I want more than anything for my husband to convert but this seems to be his biggest holdback. I truly want to please him and keep him happy, but I do not want to sin in the process. He is making me feel really inadequate right now, that he wants something that I am unable (or unwilling in his eyes) to give.
I have wondered before if going along with this “activity” would be equal to one partner using birth control against the other’s wishes, in which case the one simply going along with it is not sinning. But I have asked this question on “Ask and Apologist” and it seems that it would still be a sin. I have thought of going to my priest, but I think I would be toooooo embarrassed to talk about this to him!