I’m not sure where to post this. On January 1st of this year my husband died for 2 minutes after a pulmonary embolism while he was in the hospital for an inflamed pancreas. He spent the next 23 days in the hospital, partly in the ICU, the rest on a regular floor. He was in a lot of pain and had a feeding tube and a blood filter inserted. Then he was released into hospice care in our home. He came home at 4 pm and died at 9 pm the same day. On the 1st I asked for a priest who did give my husband last rites. Why did he have to go through this suffering only to come home and die a few hours later? I am so depressed.
I do not have the answer to the question, but I am very sorry for your loss.
God bless you
How awful this has been for you and for your husband. I am very sorry that your husband died, I cannot imagine the pain you must be in.
I do not think that any theology can help you now, but please remember to offer your suffering and ask for Our Blessed Lady’s comfort.
Prayer for you and for your family.
I’m so sorry for your pain and depression.
Jesus loves you and your husband.
I love you too.
I’m sorry for your loss. There truly are no words, but to remember that suffering is redemptive and God is too kind to be cruel.
May your husband, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. May God, in infinite tenderness, comfort your heart.
I’m very sorry for your loss. I have no words of wisdom for you, but may his memory be eternal and may you be comforted by God’s grace and love at this difficult time.
I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in Our Lord, and in His Holy Mother, who knew all too well about losing a loved one.
Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon him.
May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy of God,
rest in peace.
My condolences. Thank God you got him the Last Rites in time. He also died at home with family.
Praying for you to heal and for your husband, may he rest in peace.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Praying for the repose of your husband’s soul & for the family. Be comforted that your husband is resting in God’s embrace.
…not sure of what you are asking… but it seems to me that you are inferring that since a Priest gave your husband his last rites… your husband should have recovered…?
If this is the inference… (please understand, I mean no disrespect) you have the wrong understanding of the Sacrament… Scriptures tell us that “if it is God’s Will” that he shall live… the only thing that is guaranteed is that when a Believer receives the Sacrament of Extreme Unction (Sacrament of the Sick) his/her sins (depending upon the situation) will be Forgiven; if it is God’s Will, he/she will also regain his/her health…
…consider for a moment that that extra time that your husband suffered, after Receiving the Sacrament, his suffering could have been united to Christ’s Suffering for the Salvation of many and for the good of the world…
…I took care of Mom for many years… towards her final hours she was hospitalized (experimented on, I would say) and finally sent home… she died shortly after her release to at home hospice–I was very angry… how could they put her through so much… even to insisting that she be given the flue and other pre-release shots? Did their avarice know no bounds? Did their hearts pump ice water instead of blood… and the equipment agency… calling me while en route to the cemetery… did they have roach/vermin infested brains?
…I still have a few words with God (her anniversary is coming up) about how unfair it seemed to me… the only thing I can tell you is that Mom was a Third Order Franciscan and that her Moto was “En Vos Confío.” This means: I Trust in You (as in, Jesus). So, even in her death, Mom was United with Jesus’ Pain and Suffering… which I am sure she offered all of it for her main devotion (almas del Purgatorio) the Souls in Purgatory and (la conversión del mundo) the conversion of the world.
Please look beyond the actual event for a deeper and greater meaning for our life’s (and death’s) experiences.
Suffering is always difficult …to endure, to witness, and to understand. There is no question about that dear friend and I too offer my prayers for you and your beloved departed husband whom you obviously loved and miss terribly. May God grant you peace.
I will share that suffering is also one of the reasons that I am grateful to God for my Catholic faith because Catholicism teaches us that it has merit and meaning before God so it is never just empty agony that means nothing to Him. I often consider our Blessed Lord on the cross when I meditate upon a crucifix and am always struck by the terrible injustice and suffering that He endured for one such as me.
I believe that He understands suffering as none of us can even begin to comprehend having done that. I mean, Almighty God…subjected to gross injustice, humiliation, and being tortured to death by His creations and withholding His righteous wrath. Man…that makes anything that I may ever go through pale by comparison.
My point is just that He knows what you and your dear man went through and He was there with you all the way…and still is.
Please just reach out to Him and tell Him what you feel and lay it all at His holy wounded feet and your own soul with it and receive whatever he has for you.
Know that you will now be included in all my prayers and remembered at every Mass I participate in.
First, suffering is redemptive, as we are members of Christ’s Body. He suffered and therefore, we are also going to suffer. As difficult as it is to see, God is bringing good from it. Second, some of our suffering may be considered to be our purgatory here on earth. Third, your husband may very well have held on until he felt comfortable at home - He likely knew that the end of this life (the beginning of the next) was near and who wants to pass in the hospital with noise, machines and medical staff coming and going 24/7? As difficult as it is, you might try thinking of it as his unexpressed last wish.
Since he received the Sacrament of Anointing and probably the Viaticum (“food for the journey”), you need not worry about the state of his soul. He is in the best, most merciful hands there are. You, on the other hand, watched all of his suffering - feeling helpless as you did. I can tell you that watching suffering is often more difficult than it is to suffer. DW has gone through this during the past eight years of my treatment for various cancers.
You are grieving and this is a 100% natural process that has stages. You owe it to yourself to grieve properly, as God intends us to do, while being aware of the process as well as things to avoid as you grieve. You might contact your parish, or the archdiocese and inquire about help that is available for those who are mourning the loss of a loved one. Stay close to family and loved ones. Hold them tightly and cry. Suffering is redemptive, but tears are therapeutic.
Prayers are ascending.
First I am sorry for your loss and pray for God’s peace as you grieve.
Getting your husband home was a wonderful gift you were able to give him. I hope you take solace in it.
It takes emotional and spiritual “work” for a soul to transfer from this body to what is next. With modern medicine the physical pain and anxiety can be quelled, but whatever the soul needs to do in preparation for the transfer still needs to take place. It sounds between the short period of death your husband experienced (and whatever he saw or was shown) and receiving the last rites, he had an opportunity to accomplish “the work”.
Again I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. I do take comfort in the fact that he was at home when he passed. When they carried him into our living room on the stretcher from the hospital, he face lit up, so he died at peace.
…this is lost to the secular culture… being at home with those you know and love is an enriching and fulfilling sensation–that, we can take with us!
…if the ambulance had had a problem, Mom would have walked home upon her release from the hospital!
Take comfort in the fact that you did all that you could to bring peace and love into that period of angst and discomfort.
Hi penguin 62.
I add my condolences & prayers for all that you and your husband (and family) have gone through, to those already expressed by the members here.
I would even go a little further than jcrichton’s point that
" . . . after Receiving the Sacrament, his suffering could have been united to Christ’s Suffering for the Salvation of many and for the good of the world.
And maintain that your husband’s suffering indeed was united to Christ’s Passion and that he **did **participate in Jesus’ saving action. This is one of the 4 sacramental effects of the Anointing of the Sick.
Catechism of the Catholic Church
Union with the passion of Christ. By the grace of this sacrament the sick person receives the strength and the gift of uniting himself more closely to Christ’s Passion: in a certain way he is consecrated to bear fruit by configuration to the Savior’s redemptive Passion. Suffering, a consequence of original sin, acquires a new meaning; it becomes a participation in the saving work of Jesus.
Also, another of the sacramental effects is that your husband received a grace and strengthening from the Holy Spirit to endure all he would go through and . . . well here’s how the Catechism of the Catholic Church says it:
A particular gift of the Holy Spirit. The first grace of this sacrament is one of strengthening, peace and courage to overcome the difficulties that go with the condition of serious illness or the frailty of old age. This grace is a gift of the Holy Spirit, who renews trust and faith in God and strengthens against the temptations of the evil one, the temptation to discouragement and anguish in the face of death. This assistance from the Lord by the power of his Spirit is meant to lead the sick person to healing of the soul, but also of the body if such is God’s will. Furthermore, "if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven."
The page of the CCC dealing with the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick can be read by clicking HERE
There will be souls in Heaven forever grateful to God now for how your husband’s suffering will have helped them. That’s quite an awesome thing to try and contemplate.
God bless you and grant you peace.
I’m very sorry for your pain and suffering. While going thru a difficult time, there dosen’t seem to be any satisfactory answer. It is only with the passage of time that it eases up. Try for the moment to give your hurt to Mary who saw her son nailed right in front of her. She will help you with it because she is the most loving of all we could go to for understanding.