My idiocy in my marriage


#1

Where do I begin? I am a married woman who started to have an affair with another married man. My husband gave me permission to have intercourse after I was honest about kissing the other man. He felt that my behavior was not a deal breaker. My husband did not make me feel attractive (NOT AN EXCUSE) and he is not demonstrative. I need to go to confession. I plan on doing so this week. How did anybody who was involve in a affair, heal afterwards?


#2

With all due respect but what kind of husband is yours if he “allowed” you to sleep with another man?

has he been faithfull to you?

You will heal with time and prayer as long as you realise the sin you have made and are truly sorry for it and will commit this sin again.


#3

[quote="Louie1983, post:2, topic:224811"]
With all due respect but what kind of husband is yours if he "allowed" you to sleep with another man?

has he been faithfull to you?

You will heal with time and prayer as long as you realise the sin you have made and are truly sorry for it and will commit this sin again.

[/quote]

He allowed it because he wanted me to get this "phase" out of my system. He has been faithful to me. He is a hermit. I was being selfish. He said that we are going to be together forever and that he was hurt that I chose to go through with it.


#4

I am wondering if your husband is a homosexual.


#5

VIt’s funny u should mention that because my husband did have a phase of that sort. However, he states that he is straight. We have been together for 7 years.


#6

OK i understand, however you are both in the wrong in that case because you have both made a mockery of the sacrament of marriage.

Anyway, i’m sure you have realised this. My advice is to seek the guidance of a priest or a good catholic marriage councillor. It sounds to me that (although i’m no expert) that there are deeper issues at hand if for one he allowed you to commit a sin like that and 2, the fact that you were attracted to another man shows that there are definately “relation” problems with you and your husband.

And above all, start praying together if you already haven’t started. The rosary is the best place to start.


#7

I am wondering if you think that just because her husband did not react in a way that you would have expected then that means his sexual orientation isn’t heterosexual.

Perhaps the man is so hurt that he doesn’t know HOW to react, so he just accepts it? Has anyone ever thought of that, or are we just going to sit down and try to point fingers at everyone? It’s no one’s fault but the wife that she decided to cheat. Don’t try to pin any blame on the husband or imply that an imperfection he may or may not have had something to do with her choice to cheat.

OP: It would be best if you repent and go to confession like you said. Show your husband that you won’t ever cheat on him again by taking immediate action (like breaking off all contact with the person you cheated with, etc) and perhaps you should try to go to counseling. There might be an esoteric reason as to why he just accepts what you did.


#8

Unfortunately the person is my supervisor, so not possible. Any contact outside of work has been cut. I advised that person that I am working on things with my husband and that it was wrong. My husband is not to blame. I feel horrible. Most husbands would have left me :(


#9

Please do not sit on this - GO get some good CATHOLIC counseling. If I remember correctly before I married there were many problems with you two in your engagement and you two have outlasted my husband and I but for your sake make sure you do the work to keep that going.


#10

It was an instinct. I can’t explain or defend it.


#11

[quote="Carjack1, post:8, topic:224811"]
Unfortunately the person is my supervisor, so not possible. Any contact outside of work has been cut. I advised that person that I am working on things with my husband and that it was wrong. My husband is not to blame. I feel horrible. Most husbands would have left me :(

[/quote]

Isnt this a serious conflict of interest professionally? Most offices have rules against such things.

People feel sorry for her husband but not the wife of the other man. She may not have a clue about whats going on. The wife of the other man is probably just as hurt by all this.


#12

The OP did not mention the other man having a wife, so it might not be appropriate to assume so. However, that doesn’t make what went down right, even if the other man does have a wife. I myself sort of overlooked the other man’s possible wife because (1) I don’t know if he has one and (2) if he doesn’t have a wife and he helped the OP cheat knowing that she had a husband I have no sensible reason to feel sorry for him.


#13

[quote="Daegus, post:7, topic:224811"]
I am wondering if you think that just because her husband did not react in a way that you would have expected then that means his sexual orientation isn't heterosexual.

[/quote]

Because having your wife sleep with another man is a safe way to engage in a homosexual fantasy. If he suggested and approved of the infidelity there is something going on that doesn't quite fit.


#14

Sorry to hear about this, Carjack. :( Will be praying for you guys.

I'd suggest:

Confession.

Counseling.

Looking for a new job.


#15

[quote="KostyaJMJ, post:13, topic:224811"]
Because having your wife sleep with another man is a safe way to engage in a homosexual fantasy. If he suggested and approved of the infidelity there is something going on that doesn't quite fit.

[/quote]

I have no reason to believe that her husband is homosexual because I haven't been given enough information about him to make a reasonable assumption like that. Maybe there is something deep going on that isn't right, but like I said, it would be best if the OP and her husband go to counseling together to find out if there might actually be any clandestine problems.


#16

Please do not sit on this - GO get some good CATHOLIC counseling. If I remember correctly before I married there were many problems with you two in your engagement and you two have outlasted my husband and I but for your sake make sure you do the work to keep that going.

and maybe i'm remembering incorrectly, but didnt carjack's husband (before he was a hermit) go to strip bars? i remember your marriage being fraught with difficulties.

can you finally get some decent counseling now? any husand who gives his wife permission to comit adultery to get it out of her system, and any wife who takes him up on that, have SERIOUS problems. it seems almost as if you both fascinate in the other's sexual deviancies.


#17

carjack, so as not to bear false witness, it wasnt strip bars. the thread i remembered giving evidence to difficulties in your marriage was this one, describing your husband's visiting gal pal and his reactions to your complaints.

your marriage has big problems carjack.

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=263746&highlight=carjack


#18

[quote="monicatholic, post:17, topic:224811"]
carjack, so as not to bear false witness, it wasnt strip bars. the thread i remembered giving evidence to difficulties in your marriage was this one, describing your husband's visiting gal pal and his reactions to your complaints.

your marriage has big problems carjack.

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=263746&highlight=carjack

[/quote]

forums.catholic.com/showpost.php?p=4115253&postcount=120

This post by the OP in that thread makes the situation even more bizarre. If he wouldnt ever share his wife then what has changed now? Seems weird.


#19

There is a CAF social group called "Staying married after infidelity" that might be a good resource...
forums.catholic.com/group.php?groupid=659

Praying for us all,
- curl


#20

Go to confession, do your penance, resolve never to commit adultery again, and go on with your life. You will be fine.
It sounds as if you and your husband need to work on your marriage, however.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.