[quote="alwayslooking, post:1, topic:224956"]
I am 25. I have been going out with my girlfriend for a year now. I am finishing my master’s degree, and she her undergrad. We have a beautiful relationship. She is the light of my life. I love her and she loves me. We are even beginning to discuss marriage. There is only one problem with the relationship and it is me.
I am constantly jealous of her. I am not jealous in the normal sense where I don’t like her talking of past relationships or when she goes out without me; I trust her more than anyone I have ever known. I am jealous of her life.
She has everything that I want in a life. Her parents were able to help her travel the world in high school and college which has opened up so many work and internship opportunities for her, while my parents were lucky to be above the poverty line. While I have no particular talents, she has more talents than I can list. This month she landed a great internship that I covet. Finally, the only particular talent that I feel I have is broadcasting: while the best I ever did was a talk show in a rural community she has won broadcasting awards in two countries.
I can’t help it but I am so jealous of the very things that attracted me to her in the first place. I always considered myself to be a high achiever until I met her. I have hosted a talk show where I interviewed senators and governors, I landed a great graduate assistantship, and I have taught at the college level. I have achieved all of this without turning 26.
Now I feel as if I can only be overshadowed. I will never be as good as her. Her talents, intellect, and beauty astound me every day. It is as if I dictated my perfect life to someone and they gave it to her. To top off the problem I feel as if she can do much better without me. If we spend our lives together I will only hold her back from the great life that she could have had. Although I’d never show it my jealously is turning to internal anger, I don’t know if it’s aimed at her or me.
I know this is a horrible sin. Does anyone have some advice? I’m far too embarrassed to ask my friends for help.
I would not advise you to continue the talk of marriage at this point. You feel less-than compared with her and this is not a good way to start out a marriage. It is an equal partnership at least, and I believe (and the Bible says) that men are to be the spiritual leader of the home, which does not sound very possible for you at this point. You are looking at her life and envying her the breaks she has had, the talent you think she has, her ability to travel. Will you always put yourself underneath her?
Why can't you achieve those things going forward? No, you didn't travel world wide, but you can make your own opportunities and if you want to travel, then get a job that includes travel. Whatever you think she has that you cannot have, take a very close look at that because there is a lesson inside for you.
For example, I did not go to college after high school. I had blown any scholarships I would have been eligible for by tanking my grades in my sophomore year, and no way could Daddy afford college. So I got a job and went to work. Had a few jobs, was doing OK as a secretary to a head of a medical department in a hospital. I met my now-husband, who has a Master's in his field. HE never made me feel less-than, but one day we went to a party where several of his friends were comparing degrees and majors. "What was your major?" "I double-majored in bio-med and business," etc. I think someone may have asked me, and then I felt really bad. Very consumed with jealousy and envy, that I never had the chance to go to college. I was already 25 and felt very depressed and that I would never get that break, my chances were over. (I know, it sounds silly now!)
My boss talked to me about this and encouraged me to start going to community college, and take courses that would improve my job qualifications, and the hospital would reimburse 75% of the tuition. So I began. And I never stopped. I loved college, and although it took me 10 years, what with working, getting married, having our first son and then getting pregnant with the 2nd, I now have my BA. My lesson was not to let the negative emotion of envy defeat me, but to look at it as a way to learn that I have lost a dream that I need to reclaim. In your case, maybe it's the travel. Or maybe you are called to do something else with your broadcasting ability. Is there something you are saying, "Oh I could never do that, but SHE can?"
I don't like to read that you think she will have a better life without out. And what are you going to do, crawl into a hole and dream about the life you could**** have had?? That sounds like martyrdom to me, like "I will just sacrifice our love so she can be a better person without ME holding her back." If you told her this, I suspect she would be very hurt and angry that you would think in those terms, that you are "holding her back."
You say she has YOUR perfect life? No, YOU have your perfect life! Make a gratitude list and think of all the wonderful things you've experienced, the people who love you, the person you are, your family. You are living YOUR perfect life because it's the one God chose for you!!! :)
I think you should go and talk to a counselor about this. You can probably clear it up in a few sessions, and you'll know what to do next.
And do you know for sure she even WANTS to be a career woman?? Maybe she'd be just as happy to start having children and be at home with them. Have you talked about this with her yet?