My Jewish Husband and I

I posted this in Evangelization, because it is, but I’m not sure if this might be a better place.

I just want to thank whoever is reading this for being a friend, ear, advice giver in something that I can’t really go to anyone I know in real life about.

A little background: DH is Jewish, I am Catholic. We’ve been married for about 4 years, together 8 -no kids yet, but we’re working on that . Since our marriage, my love/interest/participation in the Catholic faith has skyrocketed. DH is self proclaimed culturally Jewish and does not practice. He attends Mass with me every Sunday, went through the pre-cana prep with me, got married in the Catholic church, we use NFP, we will be raising our kids catholic and we are extremely happy. I say all of this so you will know he is supportive and enjoys that I find so much peace in the Catholic church.

So…when we got married, I knew that if DH were to ever convert to Catholicism it would be a very slow process that would probably take our lifetime together. I have accepted this. He is (and I say this lovingly as I am too) very stubborn and has a hard time with change, especially something that he doesn’t know. Over the last several years, I haven’t really initiated any conversations about Catholicism, but have tried to show with my actions how the Church leads me to the greatest knowledge and love for God through Jesus and in turn gives me peace through whatever difficult situations life gives us. (and we have been through a lot, to say the least). Lately, DH has been asking more questions…which has lead to me read a lot more theology. There have been lots of these conversations and then last night I initiated (timidly) this… (keep in mind it was all very gentle and respectful, but at the same time blunt and honest). I had to post it in my blog b/c it was too long for the forum.

Any suggestions about what I should bring up in our next convo. I know he would get a lot out of reading a book, but he doesn’t have time and me reading to him is out of the question b/c that would take time away from his writing. I feel like the huge walls he used to have up about religion are coming down and I never thought it would happen this fast. I love him deeply and it drives me nuts to think that whatever “Jesus” was forced on him in the past is still affecting and blocking his view today. I guess I’m just looking for another perspective. This is the pushiest, most forward conversation I have ever had with him or anybody about Jesus and the Church and I just don’t know what to do next. I’m praying the rosary every day throughout Lent with a special intention to bring us both closer to God and him to Jesus. I know it’s a marathon with him, but sometimes I just get so excited when we have huge progress that I just want to swoop him up and sprint to the finish line!!

I think you need to back off a little bit. Give him some breathing room, he keeps saying he is open to God and is looking for God, just not ready to admit that Jesus might be the Son of God. You gotta see it from the Jewish perspective, and how HUGE that is. Even a non-practicing Jew has been raised that Jesus is NOT THEIR MESSIAH, PERIOD! Some of my very orthodox Jewish friends get HIGHLY offended when anyone tries to suggest that they need Jesus! They are adamant that their G-d is all they need until the real Messiah comes. :wink:

It’s great that he comes with you to Mass, and at least participates as much as he can. God bless him for that. You married him just the way he is now, and even if he never changed to suit you, you took vows for better or worse, right or wrong. He sounds as if he loves you very much to even have this conversation with you. You are raising the kids as Catholics which is another huge blessing. Don’t push him too hard or he may regret that he agreed to that too.

Pray for him! Prayer is a very effective weapon to change hearts and minds. We just can’t see it working but imagine huge waves of energy moving through the world when we pray.

p.s. that’s a well-written blog entry. I don’t know how you can remember all of what you each said, you must have a great memory…I’d be like, “And then he said…um…er…something.” LOL

Thanks for the reply! I really appreciate your perspective. Sometimes I get so excited that I need somebody to look at the situation from the outside.

Yes I know he loves me and there isn’t anything that could separate us, we are extremely fortunate to have the relationship we do, and I thank God for that everyday. I just get overly excited sometimes when I see the glimmer of hope that I might be able to share my faith with him, although if I never get to then I’ll still love him just the same. Lately he’s been the one to bring up questions about the Eucharist and transubstantiation, the Trinity, and the Mass…this was my first attempt at bringing it up myself. I’m just trying to plant seeds for his future thinking, but I think sometimes my seeds are a little overenthusiastic, like half grown tomato plants, hehe :slight_smile:

I’ll back off, because I don’t want him to regret anything as you said. We do enjoy debating a lot of topics…politics, history, other religions…anything really, it’s just hard to tell what’s going to far when it’s faith. And it’s not really a debate that we are aiming for when we’re talking about faith.

Haha…thanks…I tried to make it coherent and get the gist of it and it helps that I’ve been replaying the conversation over and over in my head all day trying to think of what I could have done/said differently.

Hi Spero11,

I stopped reading your post at the point where those Bible Christians tricked your husband into getting baptized when he was emotionally vulnerable, promising that his mother would get better… I will get back to your post, but man… :mad: that really made me mad.

One good way for your husband would be to learn about his own religion (Judaism) and how it accurately prophesied about Christ, from the perspective of Jewish converts who were really well-versed in Judaism, and then converted to Christianity. One book is entitled “Salvation is from the Jews”, but I don’t know the name of its author. The person who wrote that book was a religious Jewish person who knew very well his own religion, the Torah, the Prophets, and indeed his starting point to becoming a Christian was being a well-informed devout Jew. This might work for your husband, too. If you could get some good book, written by Jewish people who converted to Christianity, explaining why they did it, that could help your DH more directly. And let’s not forget, Christianity was started by Jews! Jesus was a Jew, the 12 Apostles were Jews, St. Paul was Jew. I think you need a good Jewish perspective, which you can find in books by Jewish converts to Catholicism, and websites maintained by Jewish Catholics.

Yeah, me too, talk about a betrayal! That alone would be enough to make a lot of people really angry and bitter for the rest of their lives! I’d like to find those people and … and… be very uncharitable to them!

to say the least.


Oh my goodness…I can’t tell you how frustrated I felt the very first time he ever told me that. It’s like they used something beautiful given to us by God to help us grow in him and I feel they violated his dignity and stunted his growth. I don’t even think there is a word for how unacceptable that is. To this day, when we drive by the church or hear about it on the radio, he’s cringes. I do too!!

I think you have a good point about how he can learn about Christ as a fulfillment of Judaism. He would really respond to a Jewish perspective, especially an intellectual, which is one thing that is attracts him to Catholicism. He obviously has some desire to learn more and I think he is moderately open to a new idea. Maybe we can study Judaism together. I’m just so excited, if I haven’t said that enough - did not see this coming so soon, mainly b/c of his past experiences.

I’m going to let him bring it up next. That conversation was a little WOOHOO and I think I need to calm down so I don’t inadvertently turn him off to the topic, although he lets me get away with a lot…

Spero11, here are some links, check them out. :wink:

AHH! Thank you, thanks, thanks!!

Those links look very informative!! I’m excited to dig in and start reading them :slight_smile:


Honey from the Rock: Sixteen Jews Find the Sweetness of Christ [Paperback]

The book above contains the accounts of Jewish converts to Catholicism, in their own words. Available from Amazon:

It sounds like you are doing a fine job :slight_smile: He is interested, asks of his own volition, and you are giving him accurate information. I can’t imagine how exciting it must be for you. I would probably jump the gun and be like “OH GOODNESS WE’RE OFF TO RCIA”. :wink: Kidding, I wouldn’t be that bad, but you get the picture, I can be a little enthusiastic.

His experience with evangelicals sounds so haunting… the post was taken down, but from other peoples’ responses I am gathering that it was a nasty event.

I would suggest for now - focus on just the OT readings in the Liturgy and the Psalms and what they mean to each other - maybe attend a Jewish Roots class at your Parish if one is offered - or see if your pastor will let you teach one together - all these will help you grow in both your faiths. Remember the Jewish are our forefathers and while it would be great if he converted this will happen in God’s time not our own - and you could probably learn so much from his own background on the Torah.

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