Moderator’s Note: Due to the large amount of posts which gave advice in the Prayer Intentions thread, this thread was spun-off from that thread.
This thread is for responding with advice.
To offer prayers, please see this thread.
I have posted questions about various issues I’m dealing with on a couple different Catholic boards, and I’ve received a great deal of excellent advice, some not-so-great. But none of it is terribly helpful. Partly because I don’t give away much personal information, partly because I’m too cynical. I guess what I need now is prayer. It’s my last-ditch, Hail Mary (pun intended), end-of-the-road option. I myself can’t seem to pray because I feel like I’ve burned up the last bit of goodwill God may have had for me. I’m now so bound up with stress and despair I’m frozen.
Here’s a snapshot of my life:
Girlfriend: I think I love her, but I don’t trust my own head, or my heart. Part of me wants to marry her, part of me recoils at the idea for all kinds of reasons–not the least of which is the terror that such intimacy will cast a light on all my many flaws. Couple that with an intense and abiding jealousy over her continuing friendship with a musician who she once had a fling with (on a break).
Job: I have an “interesting” job as an editor with a relatively large paper, but the pay sucks and I’ve peaked there. My qualifications, experience, and education don’t leave me many options. I’m frozen at 30 and don’t know what my next step is.
Writing: I’ve known since I was fifteen I should write…something. But ideas are few and far between, I have no desire to be a reporter, and I’ve got a drawer full of the beginnings of “novels.” The only “goal” or “dream” I’ve had that’s lasted, or that has given me any hope to go on, feels like it’s slipping away. I’m starting to think I made a mistake, or that I have no talent whatsoever.
Other people’s success: I know you shouldn’t compare yourself to others on something like this, but I work in an environment full of ambitious, bright people. They all seem to know what to do, and how to do it. I stumble along through the dark, but everyone around me seems to be making great strides and successes.
Faith: One way or another, I’ll always be Catholic. God, though, is very far away from me. Most of that is my own fault, but that distance has always felt like the natural way of things. God is just…out there. That’s the way it is. I go through the motions, fall flat on my face again and again, pick myself up, and go at it again. But the routine is too familiar, and I can feel something like a breakdown on the horizon–maybe another ten years “off” or something.
So, that’s it. I’m a mess. I’m not asking for advice, (though I won’t tell you to take a hike if you offer it), but I AM asking for your prayers. If someone can just remember to add me to a list of intentions on a rosary, I’d greatly appreciate it. I’m not asking for much. Just a miracle. :o