I am not sure why I am sharing except in hopes that I may receive a few thoughts that I may not have heard already.
I have been married for almost 11 years now (in September). We have one daughter, who is 5. When I met my husband, I was 19, and at the time I had no religion except I called myself Christian. He was LDS, and in a very short period of time I began missionary discussions which led to my becoming LDS. We were married a little over a year and a half after meeting, and a year after our marriage, we were then sealed in the LDS temple.
Now, to back up slightly. During our courtship, from nearly the begining, there have been many stumbling blocks (infidelity on both sides) which led to mistrust. I was young, naive. We chose to stay together, for reasons sometimes I still do not understand. I think we always figured “If we can get through this, we can get through anything!”.
SO, since that point he has had a lack of trust with me, and in turn it became very challenging for me to talk to him. Communication has been a huge challenge. I have dealt with depression off and on over the years since being with him (I am not saying it was because of him, just that it occured). During this time I was a very strong LDS person. I studied, I prayed, I went to the temple. I knew what was taught, there were no surprises. However, I did find myself becoming more and more distant to the church. I always assumed it was my fault, and that I wasn’t trying hard enough.
So, 5 years in we have another major stumbling block. We nearly broke up at that point, but he chose to stay together. Was there infidelty? No. The biggest issues have been communication. There are friendships he has disapproved of that I sometimes kept secret (sometimes he had good reason, other times I believe he was mistaken). I’m sorry if any feel I am sharing too much. I promise I am trying to keep it short and factual as best I can. I have struggled with depression which leads me to two things: I find emotional happiness through food, which causes me being overweight which makes things worse, and I spend money when it isn’t there to always spend. And I have continually struggled to be able to talk to him, as I have felt time and time again that everything I have said gets shot down (many of my friends and my family claim he is controlling). I guess we can say that there is fault on both sides. I am not denying my part in the slightest. But I do think my faults have fed his, and so on and so forth.
Anyway, so then I had my daughter after 6 years. In the LDS culture, at least the way I perceived it, the greatest fullfillment of my life was to be motherhood. I thought things would fall into place for the most part with me, in terms of struggling to feel like i knew who I was. I have never felt like I have found my true identity. And perhaps in the begining the LDS faith fulfilled this for me, but then it never felt satisfied so I kept looking.
Jump forward to 2 1/2 years ago. An old Catholic friend shows up in my life (I knew him in HS) and I immediately went to him for spiritual direction. I knew he was strong in faith, and I was feeling, well, like I was flatlined. I truly believed I would find my way back into strong faith in the LDS church. Well, honestly he said very little in either way. He knew a fair amount of the LDS church having studied it, and really he said he could only give a Catholic’s perspective. Shortly therein I started asking him questions. I wanted to know what he believed, because I didn’t really know anything about Catholocism. What then happened was a crazy fast jump into my journey into the Catholic faith.
I had only begun looking into the Catholic faith for a couple months, when I finally tried to talk to my husband about it (Yeah, I didn’t go to him right away, because in my mind I felt the only thing he would do was dismiss me). When I knew I wanted to know more and didn’t want to keep it a secret anymore, I went to him. It got ugly. My husband and this friend (who is married, and has kids, btw) got into it, and yet again I was basically given the ultimatum of never talking with this friend if I wanted to keep my marriage. To my husband, it was this friend’s influence that had me pulling away from the LDS church. Even though I knew that it was from my constant prayer and study which was opening my eyes for the first time in a very long time.
So, at that point for another year and a half I postponed my pursuing the Catholic faith. I did not return to the LDS church, for at that point I think I knew I was done. I went into a numb state of little to no spirituality. I had a few moments here and there of study, though. My husband continued to take my daughter every week to the Mormon church.
Last fall one day after dropping my daughter off at preschool I felt myself feeling pulled to drive straight to my local parish. I went in and sat down with the Deacon (who I knew ran the RCIA program) who told me the program was starting the very next day. I then began attending RCIA (for a month before my husband knew). Then I continued even though my continued attendance was causing my husband grief. I guess I just truly had hope he would accept it and allow me to find it out for myself.
This last Easter I was in fact baptised, received into the Catholic church. My husband did attend, though I can’t really know why as he was miserable the whole time, tells me he felt nothing, nor saw anything he deemed as good in it. From that day on, I have felt like a part of him had either died, or was just completely numb. I gave him the space he needed. I didn’t prod, I did not talk about it with my daughter (she still doesn’t know or understand anything). I figured he just needed time to pull himself together.