My marriage is in deep trouble

I had an affair for a year and a half. It recently ended badly. I’m still in love with the woman but I can’t return to her. She hurt me pretty badly. This isn’t about the affair. I acknowledge it was wrong. This is about my marriage. It was in trouble when’s started the affair. It’s been in trouble for a while. My wife just isn’t much of a wife. I’ve tried to reconnect with her after my mistress and I broke off our relationship. It’s been good, but our sex life is garbage. Conversations with her are terrible. I’m really putting effort in but I’m just not feeling it.

Her efforts aren’t there. Yes we’ve discussed this at length. She acknowledges her shortcomings. That isn’t enough. I need passion and sex and conversation and to feel something and it’s hard.

How do I get that back with my wife? Thanks.

You sound like you’re immature and selfish…or just a troll…either way, it’s time to grow up.

Maybe your wife isn’t clicking with you sexually or mentally because you had an affair? And seriously you sound like a horrible person admitting to being in love with your mistress I mean wow just wow like your taking your wife back just because your mistress doesn’t want you you really need to seek out a marriage counselor and you need deliverance from the demonic soul bond you formed with your mistress Google soul ties and you’ll understand what I’m talking about

Please talk to a priest ASAP and find a good Catholic therapist.

You RECENTLY ended the affair. I don’t think you will be getting passion, sex, and conversation for awhile. Actually, I think you should consider yourself fortunate that you are getting anything e.g. still having a roof over your head.

On the other hand, you state, “It’s been good.” What’s been good?

Have you thought about marriage counseling? Have you asked her what she wants in this marriage and what she wants from you?

I agree with the past posters. Either you are a troll or you need to grow up and become a man. It sounds like your wife and mistress were wise to tell you to leave. Talk to a Priest, and learn to think about someone other than yourself. I really hope that God has not blessed you with children.

Yes to both of the above.

I can’t tell if this is real or not, but if it is - be glad you still have a wife, OP.

Lou

True…

I don’t think it is only your wife that needs changing. She is reflecting back to you what you are giving her and vice versa.You both need deep conversion from this attitude of pride and selfishness. You have each put the other first.

Marriages do not fall apart over night, and neither does reparation. Take each day at a time, and seek counseling.

How can you expect “passion and sex” when you only just broke off your affair?

When you say you’re “in love” with your mistress, what exactly do you mean by that?

I always laugh when I hear people say that they’re in love with people they had affairs with. Love, by it’s nature, is unselfish. Affairs, by their nature, are selfish and self seeking. You may like this woman, but you didn’t act like you loved her. More like you lusted after her.

I doubt you’ll be seeing much passion from your wife for a while. You’ll probably have to be ok with that if you want your marriage to be repaired.

I imagine you wife is hurt pretty badly by your cheating

Any you are not much of a husband

So you are only going back to your wife because you stopped “getting some” from other people. Is it any wonder you wife does not want to have relations with you? Not only is it the complete lack of trust she probably feels but how can she be sure you did not pick up some diseases while you were cheating on her?

You sure are blaming this on your wife a lot. Weren’t you the one who cheated?

How are you in any position to say what is or is not enough for your wife to get back together? You are the one who flushed the marriage down the toilet

Sounds like you are only wanting your wife because you have no other options right now.

The wounds you have caused have not even scabbed over yet, much less healed. How can you expect you wife to want to have relations with you?

Sounds like your wife would do well to kick your cheating behind to the curb. You aren’t sorry about the affair, you are sorry that you aren’t currently getting sex.

She’s not much of a wife?

You are not much of a husband if you cheat and lie and then try to say the marriage was already in trouble. If the marriage was in trouble you should have tried to correct the problems, not gone out and cheated. Cheating is the most disrespectful thing you can do! Infidelity is almost impossible to overcome and it leaves its mark forever.

Now you expect your wife to give you passion and romance when you are only with her because your mistress “hurt you” and you “can’t go back?”

Think about what you are saying and think how you would feel if your wife treated you that way.

Seek out your Priest and confess. Then pray for yourself and your wife that the damage can be repaired. Your focus, if you want to save your marriage, has to be on your wife and helping her through this trauma that your decision has caused.

This is good advice. And get into marriage counseling as well, if your wife decides to stay with you.

This^^^.

But it does sound troll-ish.
*“Let’s see what the Catholics say…it’ll be fun!” *
Not. :rolleyes:

Wonder what your wife would say about you, OP? :hmmm:

This is like, the 3rd thread in recent times that has people debating whether the OP is a troll or not…

:shrug:

*Well, here’s the thing:

It’s that time of the year. ]
People are out of school with nothing to do, but troll the interwebs, LOL
And, in the past…if members outright call someone a troll…the bleeding hearts come out with their compassionate buttons and prayer intentions and say that we’re supposed to help, not judge, and members get blasted for stating that MAYBE…something is disingenuous. *

So…to the OP:
You say it’s not about the affair.

Oh my.
I’m afraid it is. It is in spades.

It says OP has 4 posts under this screen name, but I can only find this thread. Do they delete after a while?

It’s summer time and the trollin’ is easy!

As far as post count, he’s been a member since '13 so three deletes of Innappropriate content is likely.

Yep.

Lou

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.