My mother allowing cohabitation: HELP!


#1

Ok, now My older brother is 20-22 years old and he brings these girls over at the house. He gets into relationships that don’t even last 2 months let alone one. He has a new Girlfriend, who I think is a nice, warm-hearted person. But the problem is that they sleep in the same bed!!! This has been happening for a while now. If she had personal problems at home than I wont mind it that she sleeps here, but I don’t think she doesn’t, and even if she did, at least would let her rest on the couch. In the Past I caught my Bro, and his now ‘ex girlfriend’ having sex in his bedroom. Now I am afraid that he might be doing it again!

I tried to tell my mother (Who is Catholic and knows that cohabitation is bad) to separate them from sleeping in the same bed, but she still ignores it. I try not to get into a loud argument with her, but I want her to realize how bad ‘innocent’ looking things like this can end up. I told my older bother but he doesn’t listen either. What do I do? Is what my mom doing a sin in any way?


#2

I would think you would know your brothers age.

He has to learn from his own mistakes. She is probably ignoring it because well he isn’t a child anymore. She has taught him and he must take it or make his own ideas of right and wrong.


#3

whom are you referring to? how old is he?


#4

Well, I would not permit that in my house, esp with younger siblings around. *But *I am not her, and she is in charge. She is the one making the decision, and she has apparently decided to not get involved.

And, right now, you are not in charge, so all you can do is pray for them all.


#5

first of all, thank God that you do recognize this as a sin, or at best a strong opportunity for sin, and are speaking up. no, it is not right for his girlfriends to be sleeping over, and it sends morally confsing messages to your brother, too.

you have let them know how you feel, and that it is wrong. but aside from that, the best thing you can do is to keep him and his girlfriend in your prayers. would your brother be willing to talk with a priest about his relationships? not just the sexual side, but the relational side?


#6

Your mother and your brother know what they are doing is wrong but I think your Mom lets him bring his girlfriends over because she doesn’t want to lose her son and never get to see him again if she throws stones at him. Plus, he may be helping out financially in the household. Some mothers overlook their adult children sins just because they don’t want to let go of them.
Do you have a father in the house? What does he say?

Just pray that your brother meets a nice gal to marry. Then the problem will be over.

Try to always remember that you can’t throw stones at anybody unless you are without sin.
I know it is not a happy situation for you and I hope that in your future adult life you will be
able to create a happy home life for yourself.
When I was a child I had to over look many things that my parents were doing wrong and sinning. I just wanted to survive my home life. You should do the same.


#7

[quote="LaLucia, post:6, topic:196330"]
Your mother and your brother know what they are doing is wrong but I think your Mom lets him bring his girlfriends over because she doesn't want to lose her son and never get to see him again if she throws stones at him. Plus, he may be helping out financially in the household. Some mothers overlook their adult children sins just because they don't want to let go of them.
Do you have a father in the house? What does he say?

Just pray that your brother meets a nice gal to marry. Then the problem will be over.

Try to always remember that you can't throw stones at anybody unless you are without sin.
I know it is not a happy situation for you and I hope that in your future adult life you will be
able to create a happy home life for yourself.
When I was a child I had to over look many things that my parents were doing wrong and sinning. I just wanted to survive my home life. You should do the same.

[/quote]

My father lives over in New York. I live with my stepfather who had gone to Ecuador for a couple days. My brother is 20+ years old, and extremely ignorant. He certainly wouldn't allow it. But last time I got involved with this, 'things' happened between them so, praying will have to do for now.


#8

I truly feel sorry for you and your stepfather having to put up with your sinful brother.
It looks like your mother is the boss of the family. You can’t change her or your brother.

Try to keep the peace in the family household. We are all living at a time when it is very expensive to have proper shelter and food. I think a lot of people will have to have generations of family members living together.

I remember my older brother used to sweet talk ugly gals so he could get his hands on their money. I once told a gal that he was just using her for her money. Even her father told her she was being used. He tried to break them up but couldn’t. That gal was being courted by my very handsome brother. When her money was gone he dumped her.

My brother confronted me and asked me why I told her he was with her for her money.
I said it is true. He started laughing and agreed.

The moral of this story is that my brother ended up old, ugly, and ALONE in his senior years.

My advice to you is do what you say you are going to do to keep the peace in the family.
Try to make something of yourself so you can financially support yourself in your own place. Don’t ever let any relatives move in with you even if you have to live in a tiny apt.
by yourself.


#9

An act of mercy is to admonish the sinner.

But, you've done that, so now all you can do is pray and fast. Also, make use of sacramentals. Leave religious reading out in the house.

It's rare that a parent (or brother) will take admonishment from a child (or sibling).

I had the same situation years ago with my parents and brother. I tried to talk to my parents about it. Even though they knew it was wrong, they were afraid to set any standards. They just wanted peace.

Peace at the service of sin is not true peace. But, they couldn't find the strength to do anything about it. They would just say, "well, he knows how we feel."

Pray, pray, pray. Pray also mercy for your parents. Their sin is serious, too.


#10

Once children grow up as adults the job of the parents is over because the child has been raised to the best that a parent could do for them.

It is the child sinning and not the parent. Many parents who have done the best that they could for their children have no control of what their adult kids do. Some adult kids turn out to become big time sinners and there is nothing a parent can do but pray for them.

When our adult kids fly back home with their sinning problems some parents don't always turn their backs on them because they want to keep them safe with their watchful eyes.

I had a neighbor do that with an alcoholic adult son who had no place to live. She didn't like it that he drank and she tried her best to help him out. He finally got better.

I never ask parents why they allow their sinning adult kids to return home to do as they please in sinning. It is none of my business. Only God will judge us.


#11

[quote="Seijin, post:2, topic:196330"]
I would think you would know your brothers age.

He has to learn from his own mistakes. She is probably ignoring it because well he isn't a child anymore. She has taught him and he must take it or make his own ideas of right and wrong.

[/quote]

While it is understandable that the mom cannot have control what her son does outside the home, she certainly should have her say about what goes on inside her home. Obviously it does not seem important to her, and she is not standing up and doing the right thing.

I commend the daughter for correcting her mother and brother even though they did not take heed. Prayer can help her get through this bad situation.


#12

You said your peace. Now it's time to "hate the sin, love the sinner".

Don't act morally superior (I'm not claiming you will/are, it's just an easy temptation) don't think your better than them (see above ;) ) just pray and remember-your brother and mother still deserve respect.


#13

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I'm praying for you. Go to Adoration often too if you can and offer this up to Jesus. This is very serious and for your mom to overlook this situation, I don't understand, but I don't know what is in her heart. Are they receiving Holy Communion, do you know? This is a grave matter and we don't want anyone committing sacrilege. Pray, pray, pray. You have done your part in telling them. If they don't heed it, their the ones putting judgments on themselves now. Is it out of the question for you to have your own place? Nevertheless, know that you are in my prayers and I'm sure other people in this lovely site are praying for you as well.

God bless.


#14

If you’re going to take umbrage mate, it should be that your brother is going through a new girl every two months. Does your brother have self-esteem issues? Generally people who sleep around, do so to feel validated in some way. Perhaps if you talked to him about it without acting morally superior he might open up about why he does it.

Btw, walking in on your brother doing the deed is nowhere near as walking in on your parents. Always knock before you enter. :wink:


#15

Hi OP,

I tend to be pretty straightforward in my posts. Here's my opinion based on the very small information I have about you and your situation.

--What should you do?

Well, it's up to you. If you are old enough, and it psychologically bothers or hurts you to have to live in the same house where these sinful acts occur, you may want to consider moving out if you can afford it. Your obligation to hang around them and try to witness to them while living in the same house STOPS when it becomes psychologically or physically damaging to you.

If you can't, try anything you can to minimize your exposure to the harmful elements of the situation until you can move out. Continuing to pray for them is obvious.

--Is your mother sinning by allowing this?

IF the information you have given is correct, then yes, she is. Period. You say that she is a Catholic and KNOWS that cohabitation is wrong, AND you have already reminded her of this fact. She has a responsibility as a MOTHER and a CHRISTIAN not to aid in sin or endanger the faith of her other children by allowing this to happen with her knowledge in her house.

I can not CONFIRM her motives for this. My first GUESS would be that she is afraid to "drive" your brother away by saying "no" to his girlfriend(s) sleeping at the house. A disaster in the making.

If your family was receptive to the idea that this cohabitation should stop, then I would probably suggest staying there and "working" on them. But since they blatantly reject your appeals I think it is best to remove yourself from the situation (if possible) and thus remove some of the conflict and stress. Then you can continue to pray for them and set an example for them from a cordial distance. You are not pushing them away by moving out; THEY are pushing you away by their actions.

I will pray for you and your family. May God bless and protect you.


#16

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