I need some advice. So I just got my first teaching job as a social studies and theology teacher at a small Catholic school. First of all let me say that I love finally living on my own (I graduated 2 years ago and now i’m 25) and I also love the school i’m at since the staff is pretty nice and understanding.
Now here is the bad part. I feel like I struggle so much every day. I try and do good lessons but kids treat me like i’m some big dumb marshmallow man who can’t enforce discipline. It doesn’t help that there’s the demands of planning every night and having little free time except for most of the weekend. I also feel like i’m not that good of a teacher because of this and that I probably have poor social skills and should be some poor burger flipping loser instead of a teacher. It gets so bad that some nights I find myself punching myself when I make little mistakes and worry that if I make too many i’ll get fired from my job and go back home and be in debt until i die (and of course then my debt will fall to my relatives).
I feel at time like I wish I could get a different job but all an education degree qualifies you for is bagging groceries unless you teach. I don’t really have many other interests and honestly I’d rather have a steady job even if I die of a stress heart attack at some point because I don’t want to be some loser who lives with his mom and can’t pay his debts like I was for the past few years. I also don’t want to add more debt so going back to school would be foolish. But on the flip side I don’t want to be some blue collar slob that no one respects working some job that a robot could eventually do. Women don’t like guys like that and being more of a thinking man, I feel like i’d be wasting my mind, but it would be easier and maybe Iwouldn’t complain as much since my body would be so tired I wouldn’t have energy to say anything at all.
As for my faith life. It’s okay but I feel like God could care less about my problems. I could be a hungry homeless man on the street and I feel like God would just say to me “pray and go to mass and get the sacraments” and not even care to give me some food. I try to pray but I find it doesn’t help. Anymore i feel like if God wanted me cured of all this strength and anxiety he’d do it or show me how. Not just sit around like whatever allowing bad things to happen to everyone in the world.
So does anyone have any suggestions? I feel like such a freak and a terrible Catholic for not being more happy. I sometimes wish I just had no emotions and was like god’s robot or something and just didn’t care about any of this other **** or that I could just go out to the woods or the desert and just chill with God and not have any stress (definitely not feasible in this world)