My opinion about sex!

Im a 22 year old single guy and come from a big addiction to lust. One day I felt really bad of what I was doing and decided to get close to God and ask for forgiveness.
I actually got really close to God and felt really good about myself. I never felt like this in my life:). Too bad it only lasted for a while:(.

I was tempted by the devil and felt to lust again. I tried to search my way to God again but for a weird reason it was harder now. I kept falling and falling but i was never going to give up. I really want it to feel the same way felt when I was really close to God but I couldn’t.

One of the lustful things that bother me was sex in marriage.

I want to find my perfect girl and get married to form a family, but before that I want to learn as much as possible about God to have a succesful marriage. One thing I focus to much was sex in marriage. What is the truth purpose of sex?? Is it good to enjoy the pleasures of sex?? Is too much pleasure wrong?? These were some of my questions I had.

I read many christian sex articles here in the forums and other places, and also read books about sex in marriage. Sometimes I though I may had found the answers and thanked God for helping me finding them, but I had this weird feeling that something was wrong. Maybe those places that I thought I found the answers were not correct. Maybe it was not God that lead me to those places, and it could have been the devil. The more I search, the more confused I got. All I wanted is to be close to God again and feel the same way I felt before, with alot of joy, but I didn’t remember what I did before to achived that.

Suddently, today, out of no where, while searching for answers, I rememberd. Weird, but I remember what I did to get close to God. This may shock some of you:

I told God I didnt care about about sex. I told God that all wanted from a women was her spiritual/emotional love and not her physical love. I wanted to fall in love with a women, not because of her physical looks, but how close she is to God. Of course the devil tempted me before by making think that physical love was more important to a women and that if I didnt satisfy a women in bed, she wouldn’t want me and she might leave me. That was the way I felt to lust before. Even the christian books and articles said that a man’s enjoyment in sex was intercourse and not emotions, and that women was more emotion than intercourse. in some christian articles, women said that a man should satisfy a woman in everything. That men should make sure their women should feel satisfy always. Women say there was something wrong with a man that couldnt satisfy her in bed.

After remembering what I said to God before, my eyes opened. In my opinion, I completely disagree with all this garbage.

Satisfy:mad:!!!Really!!!:mad:

Are we men sex toys for women. If we cant satisfy them, then we are broken!!!:mad:Really!!!

No wonder I started hating sex. No wonder I told God I didnt care about sex anymore.

Look, I know Im single, and yes, Im a virgin. But that doesnt make me ignorant. When I was addicted to lust, I used to masturbate everyday and it felt great. I know that having sexual intercourse gaves you great pleasure, not only to you but to your wife too. But I dont want to be control by that pleasure. It feels good but I hate it.

Many people say that there is no other pleasure like sexual pleasure that bonds you the most to your spouse. That to reach a deeper intimcy, is through sexual pleasure only.

Is this really truth???

I just wish there was a spiritual/emotinal love that could be better than sexual pleasure, that could bond people more.

I wish that God could have made us like Mary, that she got pregnant , not by intercourse, but by the holy spirit. She is truly blessesd.

I wish I could get married and not have sex, but that would be againts God’s law. Maybe I shouldn’t married. Im not sure.

May God forgive me, but I hate sex and is disgusting.:frowning:

Maybe pornography ruined me before and even though I don’t watch it anymore, it left a big scar in my heart and I can’t look at sex the same way.

I know many of you might think Im stupid, im sorry, Im just so confuse!!!:frowning: Help please!!

“One doesn’t die without having sex, one dies without having intimacy” - A friend of mine

God made sex to be pleasurable…

It’s intended to be pleasurable… with your wife, not with 16 different females… (that is where the secular world messed it up.)

You are a sexual being, having sexual urges is normal. You’re supposed to have them.

Don’t stress yourself about ‘the devil this, the devil that’. The devil nothing. You just have to educate yourself a little more, that’s all… spiritually too. And you’re reading the wrong articles.

We were made by God for union, human and divine.
We were made by Love to love.
Our bodies were designed for union and so were our souls.
Sex is a gift that God gives us; it can both renew our marital commitments and our desire to self-donate, and also out of this love, generate new life, with God’s grace.

Sex should be approached in a chaste manner, where all your actions and desires are focused on the spouses happiness and joy. The focus should be self-donation, generous loving, not some sort of “reciprocal paced selfishness”, if that makes sense.

I’m a 62 year old widower. For 40 years my wife and I had the most beautiful intimate relationship with each other and with God. At times we used our marital embrace as prayer for other couples because it’s such an intimate union with each other and with God. God gave married couples the gift of sexual love to be a foretaste of heaven! One book you might think of reading is titled “Heaven’s Song” Sexual Love as it was Meant to Be. by Christopher west. It’s based on the theology of the body but written to express how beautiful sex really is in marriage. I think you’ll find what you’re looking for in this book if you read it with prayer. I will pray for you because I see a bit of my younger self in your writing. You will find true beauty in married sexual love as I did.

Sex is only as good as the intimacy behind it.

I really don’t want to judge since it’s not my place and I don’t know you, so PLEASE know I don’t say this to judge but to throw out a suggestion for your consideration. Please know that I know it could be totally off base.

God designed sex a certain way - intimacy for marriage and to procreate through self-giving love. One reason why lust is so terrible is that it degrades that most sacred and perfect of gifts that we can experience. I honestly believe NO ONE knows the true joy of pure sex because all of us have lusted and degraded it to some degree or another. That being said - I think a lot of your opinions come from that addiction to lust. Sexuality has become warped to such a degree that sex, even within marriage, has been tainted for you. I think this is why you said that you didn’t want to even have sex in marriage. THIS is the damage that satan seeks to create be degrading this holy gift.

Focus on God, and seek him. And I don’t mean focus on not lusting, I mean focus on OTHER things. Even though I am a woman lust crops up for me (it happens to all of us!) but I encounter utter failure in overcoming when I focus on that sin. I find it FAR more beneficial to instead focus on building a more intimate prayer life, or seeking God daily in the mundane acts of every day life. Who knew that folding laundry could be a time to intimately worship the King of Kings? :slight_smile:

Again, I don’t know you well enough to know that what I said is true - i submit it only for your consideration. :slight_smile:

I’m a young woman, and I actually kind of feel that way too (the bolded part. I agree with a lot of what you were talking about, but the part I bolded stood out when I read it).
I really feel like I don’t want to get married, but at times I do think about it, but I’m really uncomfortable with intimacy (maybe it’s because I’ve been single all my life…??)

Whoa, slow down there, Turbo.

I can see this is something that is bothering you a lot and that is understandable. I think the first step is to try to relax and not worry so much… you’ve got to trust in God enough that the answers about sex will come to you in time. But it may be His time, not your time. So be patient.

Yeah it’s confusing right? You desire something but you feel guilty about it. Maybe you should pray and ask God why this is the case. Just keep asking where this strong desire comes from, and why you feel this way about it.

Many people say that there is no other pleasure like sexual pleasure that bonds you the most to your spouse. That to reach a deeper intimcy, is through sexual pleasure only.

Is this really truth???

I’m married, and I still don’t know the answer to that one. My wife and I didn’t have sex with each other before we were married, and our relationship felt quite deep to me even without it. Frankly, I didn’t feel like the sex made all that big of a difference in and of itself. I guess the sex adds to it subconsciously, but I think the real answer to your question is it probably depends on the person. I bet even my wife has a different experience about it than I do. God created us all unique, and you may have to find yourself on this one.

I just wish there was a spiritual/emotinal love that could be better than sexual pleasure, that could bond people more.

There is, but it doesn’t mean it’s a replacement for sex or that it will stop your natural biological drive to want sex. You are, after all, a full human person.

I wish I could get married and not have sex, but that would be againts God’s law. Maybe I shouldn’t married. Im not sure.

May God forgive me, but I hate sex and is disgusting.:frowning:

Maybe pornography ruined me before and even though I don’t watch it anymore, it left a big scar in my heart and I can’t look at sex the same way.

Just give it some time, and notice the small changes in the way you think and feel each day.

The Church does not teach that sex is disgusting. You can consider this as letting the Tempters have their cake and eat it too. Not only do they get you to perform an act for your own pleasure, but they get you to hate yourself for it! Win-win for them! Hating yourself after the act is arguably the bigger sin.

I would like to give you the same information I gave to the OP. Try reading the book: “Heaven’s Song - Sexual Love as it was Meant to Be” by Christopher West. How beautiful sexual love should be between spouses and God.

Exactly. Also helpful - the Song of Solomon :wink: :thumbsup:

Thank you for all your responses. It really makes think on what I said before. Its truth, I do need more knowledge about God’s way of living, physically and spiritually.

Whitacre_Girl, you are correct. The lust that I encounter before, when i didnt know God, hurt me soooo much:(. It left a HUGE scar in my heart. Sometimes I wish that my memories about my past could be erase.

I know sex is holy and a gift from our Father, and I want to think of it as something beautiful, but my scars from the past prevent me from doing it. When ever I think and hear about sex or see women, those pornographic mental images appear in my head more often.

Thanks to God, im able to control my masturbating desire. Before i couldnt last a day without it. Its been a while since I masturbated and I will make sure that I dont ever do it again.

The only thing left I have to overcome are my sexual thoughts about sex. Pornography made me think of sex as a disgusting game for people to receive pleasure for the flesh only, and Im sure many people urge for sexual intercourse just because of that pleasure and not the right meaning.

I pray to God so that he helps me remove those lustful thoughts about sex and helps me see sex as a beautiful holy thing, because when is time for me to meet my wife, whenever God decides, I want to be pure in thoughts about this situation. I dont want sex to be the first thing I think about when I meet my wife. I want to get know my wife so much. I want to fall in love with her spiritually/emotionally first, and when the time is right, have sex and enjoy it the correct way.

I found this website: maranathalife.com/marriage/mar-sex1.htm
Do you think its good article??

Sweetie, you are encountering first hand how satan uses sexual impurity to attack the central unit of society - the family. I do believe sex is the glue that binds a woman and man together. Not the physical act itself, but what it does to the couple. There is something happens not only on a spiritual level, but a biochemical level as well. You can look that up in any textbook. A good sex life is crucial to a marriage not because of sexual desire, but what sex is the completion of. Every time a married couple comes together it is a restatement of their vows.

I don’t want to go into too much detail for obvious reasons (there are some real nasties on the internet!) but I have been where you are. So TRUST me when I say that I know first-hand the healing power of Christ. He can heal you body AND soul, and restore you to your created and untarnished glory that he meant for you. While we may always sin because we are so rebellious (at least, I know I do!) he will always be there to save us and protect us from the filth we let in if we let him.

It takes time and a lot of trust. Again, what I experienced was just plain dropping acts to control my lust as if I could do it myself through some feat of self-control. no. I started reading scripture more, listening to christian music, attending mass more often and seeking him. Not only did it get my mind off it, but it was me allowing christ to change me life, and not relying on my own strength to do it. The more you focus on stopping yourself, the more you are going to fail. Focus on Christ, and his love for you. This will change you.

It’s exactly that kind of thinking that sets you up to feel so incredibly bad about yourself when you fail. You’re a 22 year old male, if you make the same mistake again just ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself. Try the best that you can, but remember that’s what this whole thing is about: if you were perfect there’d be no need for the Church to exist.

The only thing left I have to overcome are my sexual thoughts about sex. Pornography made me think of sex as a disgusting game for people to receive pleasure for the flesh only, and Im sure many people urge for sexual intercourse just because of that pleasure and not the right meaning.

Yes, the physical urge for sex is natural. The urge is not a sin. Your actions and choices are the sin. And please, trust that your brain will stop obsessing the further along you get with this. Images in your mind fade with time, just like everything else that you abandon.

My apologies if I’m approaching the problem in a way that isn’t helpful for you. I just hate to see someone so upset over this when the answer is simple: say you’re sorry, mean it, try to do better, and move on with your life. Your life is about so much more, and focusing on this isn’t doing any good.

I know its really hard. I only been in one relationship, but the girl I went out only used me as an object. He parents didnt let her have a BF, and she told me she didnt want to single because her friends had BFs, so she used me to just show off, but she didnt like me. When I hear that many marriages are breaking apart because of not enough intimacy in their sexual life, it really scares me.

I dont know, but maybe God is preparing us, so when we meet our future husband or wife, we will be pure.

Whitacre_Girl and copperblade, thank you for your help. You dont know how glad I am you two were here tonight to help me. I will continue to get closer God and learn as much as possible with his help. Please pray for me.:o

I certainly will.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

Lord Jesus, please be with my friend and all who struggle with the horrible scars that sin leaves on us. We admit that it is through our own fault that sin enters our lives, and we know we can only rely on your strength to see us through it. Please be with us as we go through our lives and protect our hearts and keep us pure even in the face of evil. Please guard us and watch over us as we struggle through temptation, and remind us always that you already won the war over sin so that with your victory we can vanquish sin in our own lives. I pray this in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

WOW! Sounds like you figured out, what the Orthodox Jews have known for centuries.Male in union with Female form the image of the Invisible God. I am sorry for the loss of your wife. But what a wonderful bit of information to pass on. If those who are married do this, their sex life will be fantastic! And Holy. this is one of the best post I have seen on this subject in a while. Well done sir. :thumbsup: Peace and prayers for you.:gopray2:

Women lust, but we tend to lust differently. Its important to remember that all vice is rooted in pride, or in this inward focus that keeps us from loving God and others.

A friend of mine recently criticized how a lot of books on chastity and dating and written. Her complaint main complaint is that while they talk about avoiding sinful behaviors, they tend to encourage women to think “I have to be very careful because there are a lot of bad men out there” instead of, “I have to be very careful because I have disordered desires and I will cause both myself and my future spouse a lot of trouble if I don’t vigilantly work on ordering said desires.”

Its important to recognize that neither sexual pleasure nor emotional intimacy is evil in and of itself. It is our prideful focus that turns these drives inwardly toward satisfying the self (and thus using the other) rather than giving ourselves completely to our spouse.

Men’s lust is aimed primarily on lording over or mastering the woman sexually. They look to compete and conquer. They are used to accomplishing things by determination and brute force. However, when it comes to sex, they are quite vulnerable. These innate warriors are palpably vulnerable as they become ready for sex. They are naked, their desires exposed, their warrior skills slowed by the direction of their physical resources to the preparation of self-donation. What will this woman do to him? Will she accept his gift? Will his exposure find some shelter in her warm embrace? He is servant to her as he presents himself for her acceptance. This is a frightening place for a man to be. He is called to love His wife as Christ loved the Church, but he is tempted instead to approach sexuality in a domineering fashion to remove his volunerability. He is in control and thus he is able to take the aspects of sex that he can enjoy as a man while still protecting himself. So he conquers and uses the woman primarily for physical satisfaction.

The woman is not primarily like this, however. Women are more relationship focused in that we primarily want attention and adoration. She longs to feel powerfully beautiful, and to in some ways take over the savior role of God. That is to say that many women are attracted to “bad boys” primarily because they want to be the exceptional woman that inspires a change in him. Something about her has to overpower him so that she gets the attention. As such, women’s lusts aren’t satisfied through pornography but through romance novels. She lusts after emotional intimacy more than she lusts after physical pleasure.

Certainly marriage is not about satisfying the lusts of either the man or the woman. Sexuality in marriage is about giving yourself completely to the other person. As such, in giving yourself to each other, it is important to focus on pleasing the other person. Does that mean you’re not free to learn as you go and to fail? No. Rather it is merely that in order to give yourself to your spouse, you need to focus on your spouse. The other person’s joy becomes your greatest joys. Your own pleasure becomes more of an obedience of accepting the gift of the other person.

:)Thank you for your condolences and prayers. As you know, we are so influenced by what we see on TV and other media that we come to believe sexual love is for our own gratification. Then we come to God, and if we’re not attentive, Satan can easily lead us into the opposite perception that if what we are taught in the media is sinful, maybe all sex is tainted. And Satan begins to work with this perception and makes it grow until one becomes so over scrupulous that one is blinded to the Truth.

Almost all “hot” sexual scene in hollywood movies I watched were violent towards women, because in those scenes the movies shows the wrong way to give pleasure to a woman. Such violent way misrepresented as “hot sexual scene” : this will give wrong information for inexperience young men and women. They may adopt such information thinking that that’s the right way they should do it, when actually it should be the opposite. Man and woman may hurt each other because adopting sexual behavior from movies and even porn.

A good love making is gentle and kind and faithful towards one another. Instead of learing from porn and movies, couples should explore each other and learn their uniqe sexuality in a gentle and intimate good and faithful relationship context.

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