Im a 22 year old single guy and come from a big addiction to lust. One day I felt really bad of what I was doing and decided to get close to God and ask for forgiveness.
I actually got really close to God and felt really good about myself. I never felt like this in my life:). Too bad it only lasted for a while:(.
I was tempted by the devil and felt to lust again. I tried to search my way to God again but for a weird reason it was harder now. I kept falling and falling but i was never going to give up. I really want it to feel the same way felt when I was really close to God but I couldn’t.
One of the lustful things that bother me was sex in marriage.
I want to find my perfect girl and get married to form a family, but before that I want to learn as much as possible about God to have a succesful marriage. One thing I focus to much was sex in marriage. What is the truth purpose of sex?? Is it good to enjoy the pleasures of sex?? Is too much pleasure wrong?? These were some of my questions I had.
I read many christian sex articles here in the forums and other places, and also read books about sex in marriage. Sometimes I though I may had found the answers and thanked God for helping me finding them, but I had this weird feeling that something was wrong. Maybe those places that I thought I found the answers were not correct. Maybe it was not God that lead me to those places, and it could have been the devil. The more I search, the more confused I got. All I wanted is to be close to God again and feel the same way I felt before, with alot of joy, but I didn’t remember what I did before to achived that.
Suddently, today, out of no where, while searching for answers, I rememberd. Weird, but I remember what I did to get close to God. This may shock some of you:
I told God I didnt care about about sex. I told God that all wanted from a women was her spiritual/emotional love and not her physical love. I wanted to fall in love with a women, not because of her physical looks, but how close she is to God. Of course the devil tempted me before by making think that physical love was more important to a women and that if I didnt satisfy a women in bed, she wouldn’t want me and she might leave me. That was the way I felt to lust before. Even the christian books and articles said that a man’s enjoyment in sex was intercourse and not emotions, and that women was more emotion than intercourse. in some christian articles, women said that a man should satisfy a woman in everything. That men should make sure their women should feel satisfy always. Women say there was something wrong with a man that couldnt satisfy her in bed.
After remembering what I said to God before, my eyes opened. In my opinion, I completely disagree with all this garbage.
Are we men sex toys for women. If we cant satisfy them, then we are broken!!!:mad:Really!!!
No wonder I started hating sex. No wonder I told God I didnt care about sex anymore.
Look, I know Im single, and yes, Im a virgin. But that doesnt make me ignorant. When I was addicted to lust, I used to masturbate everyday and it felt great. I know that having sexual intercourse gaves you great pleasure, not only to you but to your wife too. But I dont want to be control by that pleasure. It feels good but I hate it.
Many people say that there is no other pleasure like sexual pleasure that bonds you the most to your spouse. That to reach a deeper intimcy, is through sexual pleasure only.
Is this really truth???
I just wish there was a spiritual/emotinal love that could be better than sexual pleasure, that could bond people more.
I wish that God could have made us like Mary, that she got pregnant , not by intercourse, but by the holy spirit. She is truly blessesd.
I wish I could get married and not have sex, but that would be againts God’s law. Maybe I shouldn’t married. Im not sure.
May God forgive me, but I hate sex and is disgusting.
Maybe pornography ruined me before and even though I don’t watch it anymore, it left a big scar in my heart and I can’t look at sex the same way.
I know many of you might think Im stupid, im sorry, Im just so confuse!!! Help please!!