My parents are considering divorce


#1

I’m just so devastated. I mean, I don’t live at home any more and I haven’t for 5 years now. I have my own life with a wonderful husband and a new baby. But it is really bringing me down. They’ve been married 25 years. The worst part is that they both keep putting one another down in front of me. I have a 2 week old baby and my Mom is not working now so I’m over visiting a lot. She watches baby while I nap and it is wonderful. But she is constantly putting my father down when we talk. My Dad isn’t perfect. He can be hard to get along with. He is very rigid, not very sympathetic and him and I butted heads a lot while I lived at home. But I love him too. My Dad also puts down my Mom when she’s not around. My Mom is going through a midlife crisis - she quit her job (although my Dad wanted her to because it was stressful), bought new breasts and botox and she’s been drinking a lot. This makes my Dad mad and instead of adressing it nicely, he is just mean to her. His being mean makes her upset so she acts out more. He is meaner. Cycle repeats. I’ve asked them to get marriage councelling but they only went twice. Both refuse to change their ways and compromise. And it’s breaking my heart.
I wonder what will become of our yearly family vacation, of my former home, of my relationship with both of them, and so many other things! I don’t think they’ll be happier alone.
Is there anything I can do?? I don’t think their problems are insurmountable.


#2

You can tell them that you refuse to be put in the middle. That when either of them says a negative thing about the other - you consider the conversation over, and stick to it. “Mom, that is my father you are talking about. I love you both and will not be put in the middle” and then walk away or talk about the homily at Mass last Sunday or the sports scores or something else.

Botox and breast implants are the signs that your mom is very unhappy with herself. Prayers for all of you!


#3

I am so sorry to hear about your parents. Do tell them not to put
you in the middle and tell them you are saying it to each of them.
Can you try to get them to Retrouville?
You all will be in my prayers.


#4

Narcissism, with its need to control and demean others is another version of the original sin - the evil one had come in demenaing God and His truth, wanted control over ourselves and we in turn do so to each other … till The Holy Spirit of God can be invited in , pleaded in , and given over the control , over our tongues, mind, body, appetites … …all the areas that we have given over control to the enemy …and asking for same for others similiarly afflicted too …

Giving to God    a tenth of time , in prayer and Scripture study , tenth of income  for Godly purposes ......  our willingness in these areas let us know how truthful we are in really wanting God in control  ....

Our struggle is not against flesh and blood …fasting too another good weapon … again, asking The Spirit , to take control over appetites of all sorts …

Many esp. older persons can be suffering from hiddden b12 deficeiny which can exacerbate problems and make them be tired and grouchy ( google has lot of info. )

well …another way to see the whole picture is , as deficiency of the Holy Spirit control …:slight_smile: and treat it as such , for its glorious possibilities of true peace and dignity and heaven here after for all !

Reciting the Divine mercy chaplet on their behalf and asking them both to start the day with both saying it together , again are all God given means , to invite in The Merciful Spirit …

Confession , Holy Mass - use of sacramentals such as holy water , blessed medals , all again, needed and helpful ways to plead in the Godly Spirit …

chastitysf.com/ and many such good sites offer good help too …

Hope that the next time either parent want to resume old ways, a gentle nudge - whom do you want to invite in and hand over control …would be of help , along with good time spent together as a family , esp. in relishing The Word (along with Rosary , Adoration ) in this year of The Word and that soon , they will have time only to be very good grandparents !

Blessings !


#5

I second the advice you ask them not dump their complaints about your other parent on you and the advice to pray. Whenever they begin to complain, you can suggest they do something to save their marriage. Here’s a Catholic organization that gives retreats to help troubled marriages: retrouvaille.org/


#6

Make it very clear to both of your parents that you will not listen to them insult each other in front of you. If they start to do that, tell them that you won’t listen to it. Pray for them, of course. And don’t blame yourself if they do end up divorcing. It’s not your fault.

My parents are divorced too, so I know what you mean about one parent insulting the other in front of you. But at the same time, my life has gone on, and yours will too.


#7

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