My parents won't let me go to mass


So, yeah, my parents wont let me go to mass most of the time. Because they are athiest they think that you have to earn it to go to mass and they often use it as a punishment. They also will sometimes not let me go to my confirmation classes which is really annoying. The bishop will not confirm anyone if they do not go to mass or the classes. I’m worried that will be me… As it is Candlemas day I would of liked to of gone to mass to celebrate with my friends and parishioners but I’m not allowed because my stepdad is very sensitive to everything and he said I had misbehaved. So I can’t go. Do you know what I could do? They will probably try and make me go out so then I don’t have any time for God at all… Please help me!
Chloe x


Well you have to obey your parents. You are not sinning by not going to Mass since your parents won’t allow it. When you get older you will have more freedom. So keep your chin up and do your best in school until you are old enough to make your own decisions.


This would be wrong. Confirmation is not given as a sort of reward for attending classes. Confirmation is a gift of God’s grace, and it is given unconditionally. I know that some parishes/dioceses put an emphasis on having to attend all the classes, but the Church does not insist this. If it concerns you then speak to your priest and tell him, you can also write (or e-mail) your bishop and tell him of your situation.


Hi AveMariaConvert, I feel for your predicament.

As with another poster, I agree that you should obey your parents.

Have you tried expressing to them gently and lovingly how much going to Mass means to you? Perhaps they could speak to your parish priest about the situation?


Do the best you can. As a worst case scenario your parents may prevent you from being confirmed, or from going to Mass when you want to.

You will not be in any state of sin as a result regarding not being able to go to Mass as a result, as this is out of your control. Just say some private prayers yourself at home, if this happens, and you could find out what the readings are that Sunday, and privately read them yourself from a Bible at home.

The fact that you haven’t been confirmed does not make you any less of a Catholic. You are a Catholic, I presume you have been baptised? (If not the present yourself to the priest one day and ask that he arranges for you to be baptised. He cannot refuse you).

As far as your Confirmation goes, if your parents prevent you, then just bide your time until you’re 18 and then you will be in a position where they cannot stop you from being confirmed.

God bless you.


Pray and ponder on the good advice you have received here. The Lord knows your heart and that you desire to go to Mass. Do the best you can for now; keep focusing on the Lord and ask Blessed Mother’s intercession as well.


Your parents know how important it is to you that is why they use it for punishment. Pray for them always and bide your time. The Lord knows the desires of your heart. As you pray you will build a close relationship with Him.

Your parents can keep you from attending Mass, but they cannot keep you from loving Jesus.




Tell them you are going to a friends house. Than quietly go to mass instead :wink:


That is dreadful advice. Quite apart from encouraging a minor to be deceitful, what do you imagine the reaction of her parents will be when they find out (as they certainly will) ?


It’s not a lie though, she would be going to a friend’s house.


Thank you :slight_smile:


in the secrets of the heart-a flame burns:
light a candle-let it light up the room/and i optimistically conclude to why…so i took liberty to introduce you to 1 corinthians in which case notice, for your consideration that i replaced the word love with the word flame…

a flame is patient, a flame is kind. a flame is not jealous, a flame is not pompous, She is not inflated,
05 a flame is not rude, a flame does not seek its own interests, she is not quick-tempered, she does not brood over injury,
06 a flame does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
07 a flame bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
08 a flame never fails.

well you/your soul are light in the darkness, soon to learn that God, is more than concept-that He may love through you…as situations increase worry…light a candle…take to heart, as they say…prove to your self."better to light a candle than curse the darkness:’
in conclusion:
while worry is a static measurement on the calendar, time found dynamic-has another perception,(as you submit your prayers near the candles flame) in a darkened room and shows it is possible to convert those that cannot believe in God…


Agree with others to remain obedient to your parents to the extent that you do not deny God.

Two suggestions I have are:

  1. Obtain a missal and when you cannot attend mass, read the mass some time during the day.
  2. Similarly, since you have access to the internet, you could find mass on line. Go to EWTN for example.

Other than that, I can only suggest - indeed encourage - that you let your priest know your situation.

Praise God and pray for His strength.

I don’t know why, but I have this sense that someday, through you, your parents might well be converted.



It is still deceitful. And a terrible example of Christianity to her parents.

OP, please be assured of my prayers. Continue to ask your parents and look for other ways to get to Mass if they object to driving you. Practice your faith, but do not scold your parents for their lack of faith. Pray for them and obey them in everything but sin. Remember that if you are impeded from attending Mass through no fault of your own, you do not sin.


This is from a non-Catholic POV, but from watching Web of Faith I would imagine that the priests on there would/should tell you to behave so that you don’t have to be punished. Now, if your parents are unjustly punishing you, that’s different, but if they have cause; perhaps not cleaning your room, doing chores, talking back, etc… the answer is to take away their cause, meaning to not misbehave.

I agree with the other poster; don’t lie about where you are going. Also, if you have access to the internet and/or TV, perhaps you could watch that way if your parents keep you from going. As other here have mentioned, I’d definitely talk to the priest at your parish and let him know what’s up.


I say, do what the Holy Spirit inspires you to do. :slight_smile:


You are very young (just 13, correct?) and you haven’t yet been baptized. That will happen this Easter. I think you should concentrate at this time on going to RCIA and preparing for your sacraments. You have many years before you can drive or live away from your parents. Be patient and a good example of the faith to them. Continue to ask, but politely! And also look for other ways to attend - going with a neighbor, relative, or friend - without being deceitful about what you are doing.

I will be praying for you and your family.


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