My poor sad girl

My 15 y/o girl lives not and must live not with me.
She live with my brother.
She not allowed live with me because I can’t take care of her.
Am not well, long term illness…
She makes sure she sees me and speaks wit me often.
But I am not a role model right
She should have proper woman guidance
A strong charactered woman in her life to
guide her and do bonding things with her properly
which I am not able to give her.
She suffers from this. Pain she has to ignore and hide as best she can.
It makes her weak and antisocial.
She lost out on friendship oppurtunities over this.
Poor girl is lonely, unhappy etc
Craves this bonding wat she needs and isn’t getting
She needs someone to genuinely love her maternally
And devote special quality time to her
And there’s nothing I can do about it.
And it looks like she won’t be getting what she needs.
I try be a good mom tho.
Advice and prayers plz

I once knew a woman who was paralized from the neck down.

She was also a single mom to a 14, 12 and 9yo. After her initial recovery she had the choice of a wonderful living facility or to somehow stay at “home” with a caregiver and keep her kids around her. They were SO happy she was alive. They all gave every spare moment to her care, keeping up the house and yard, helping eachother with homework. For a month things seemed to work out.

Then one day the care giver found an unsigned permission note. It was for the freshman homecoming…the caregiver then uncovered more notes…things that the children chose to miss in order to stay with their mom.

They talked it over as a family and their mom told them to go and live their lives. They couldn’t bring themselves to do so. They, again, chose to care for their mom over friends and it became evident that their school work was suffering and the teachers were just trying to pass them through. The mom decided that enough was enough. She called her childless brother and his wife and said that she’d made a decision. People arranged for her to go to the first nursing home but she went to a smaller one, with less activities, but was on the walk from her brothers to the local Jr high/high school.

The girl went back to cheerleading, the boy to his sports and the little girl got the riding lessons she dreamed of as well as piano lessons she stopped taking becuase she could no longer do duets with her mom. They are doing well. Sometimes they are sad becuase their mother can’t come. That they just have to visit her…but they do often. They (now all in the Jr/sr high school) see her in the morning and when they can afterschool.

But they had the freedom to be kids, to live and grow and not give their childhoods to care for their mom and themselves. It is no doubt very, very sad at times. But they love her. They would do anything for her and she knows that. She isn’t a great role-model in the community…she can’t give them hugs or even sit up on her own. But she is there and she chose to give them life for a second time in their lives.

Encourage your daughter to bloom where she is planted. Tell her how much you love her despite being unable to have her close. Be with her when you can. Get interested in the things that interest her and encourage her to persue new ones. Find a popular teen novel and record it as an MP3 (not hard with a bit of internet research) and email it to her. Feel free to stop and talk to her between chapters. Do not nag.

Also, if your brother is being amiss in his duties feel free to contact the school or other social organizations to provide councelling…or at the very least social outlets…for your daughter. Perhaps a boys and girls club or a “big brother/big sister” is in order.

I will keep her in my prayers, and you and your brothers as well.

I agree with the idea of maybe calling or asking your brother to call a school counselor or even a nearby parish priest. There are lots of organizaitons and individuals that she could be connected with to have another role model (because you are already one!).

You are in my prayers…

You are a strong woman. And the fact that you loved her enough to recognize that she needed to live with others shows that. Shyness is tough, I’ve lived being terribly so all my life. But, don’t think its because of you. She needs a good role model in her life, and with the struggles you have faced, she really needs you. Don’t get so down on yourself because of your condition. God made you that way for a reason, and he loves you and your daughter very much. Make the best out of your situation but don’t let it ruin you! I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts, and if you would like she can message me here. I’ve been through having no friends, and still find it a struggle to make myself talk to others but, I’m learning. And I’m only a few years older than she is at 19. So, if she wants to talk to someone or you need more help emotionally please do message me and I’ll try to help you as best as I can.

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