My pregnant friend's party

I have a friend who dated a guy for about a year before they broke up. They were sexually active. Once they broke up, they continued to have “hook ups” and remain sexually active. As a result of this, she became pregnant with his baby and she is due in about 2 months.

Her mother was extremely embarrassed by this. Her parents (as well as my friend) are devout Catholics, and so to discover that your Catholic daughter was pregnant came as a huge shock and deeply disappointed them.

They have basically hidden her these past 7 months or so. Basically the only people they let her hang out with were one of her female friends and me. She is not allowed to go anywhere. They keep her in the house. She was “forbidden” from telling people about it.

Anyways, she told a lot of people. I don’t know if anyone has been pregnant as a teenager from your ex-boyfriend, but it’s extremely stressful and she came to people for comfort and support during her difficult time.

Her mother refuses to have a bay shower for her. So one of our mutual friends has been talking for months now about having a “dinner” for the baby. Well, the dinner is next Wednesday, and of course I was invited.

My concern is whether 1) it is sinful to have this party (since it would be without the mother’s knowledge and against what she wants), and, if it is sinful, 2) if it would be sinful for me to go to this party.

I want to support my friend. I want to be there for her (especially considering the fact that she is probably going to pick me to be her child’s God parent!) And part of me feels like her mother has no right to refuse that her 19 year old child have a party celebrating her granddaughter’s life. But I don’t want to go if it would be sinful. But even the 2 youth ministers from my church are going to be there! And they both know about how the mother is.

Anyways, any help or advice would really help a lot.

Thanks

In theory, she doesn’t. Her daughter is an adult.

However…I’m assuming from the information in your post that her parents are also feeding and housing her…so they do have a say in what’s going on…at least in part, rightly or wrongly.

There has to be more to the story. Is she planning on adopting the baby? Keeping the baby? Sounds like it if she’s needing Godparents.

It would be a bit bizarre that her mother would try to keep things “secret” if she (your friend) planned on keeping the baby.

Anyway, if the party is held outside the parent’s home, they have nothing to say about it. So you’re attending is morally neutral i.e. not sinful. Holding the party is not sinful as well, as it sounds like the mother’s wishes are a bit bizarre.

Seriously, this seems to be about her and her embarrasement rather than about the welfare of her daughter and her baby. And that’s wrong.

OH MY GOODNESS! you have no idea how much reading this breaks my heart!! I was treated so badly while I was pregnant- and I’m a FIRM believer that during pregnancy it should be all about LOVE. Being surrounded by LOVE, filling yourself with LOVE, LOVING and learning about your baby.

I’m so sorry your friend is having to deal with all that. I’m sure her parents love her, and perhaps have her best interest at heart, but if its really like you say- geeez.:frowning:

I think, that SHE, is at some point, hopefully in the near future, going to have to decide for HERSELF and her child, that she is an adult, and what her boundaries/limits are with her parents. They may need to sit down and work it out. She needs to understand that if she is not willing to compromise with her parents in some areas, she may need to take responsibility for herself more. I hope she does this because I think its important for moms to think of THEMSELVES as mom’s. Not as kids with babies and mom’s to answer to.

So far as you and your two questions go, I wouldnt have ANY part in throwing it. WHEN, not IF her parents find out- you’ll be THAT person who went against their wishes. It’ll just be an ugly rift.

Now if someone else throws it, and NOT in their home, I wouldnt consider it disrespectful to attend. Thats my, humble opinion.

All in all its a baby…and baby showers are so much fun…I just cant understand why her parents wouldnt make the most of this situation and allow her to enjoy this beautiful experience …

The party is about your friend having a baby and having a baby is not a sin. Sex outside of marriage is a sin but that is not what this party is about. The circumstances that your friend is dealing with is undoubtedly very stressful for her. Jesus was not embarrased because Peter denied Him. He was offended and saddened but He did not put Peter in a box and try to pretend that this even never happened. No, instead He recognized that the reason for His coming is because humantiy is weak and sinful. When a parent cares more about their being embarrased than the welfare of their own child then there is much to be said. Your friend is an adult and if she lives with her mom then she should respect her mom’s wishes to a reasonable point. Not recognizing the existence of a birth is not a reasonable request. This child is a gift from God and any practicing Catholic should know that.

So, is going to the party sinful? No. No more that going to the baby’s first birthday party would be sinful. This is a separate child who should not be at fault for the weaknesses and faults of the mother. And grandma should not cast the first stone either… teachccd

I totally concur. I think that your details are very important for sustaining a friendship since the OP probably does not want to be the catalyst of a mother/daughter battle.

Regardless of how this baby was conceived, it will have needs when born. This is what a baby shower or party usually does for the mother-to-be >> Mom gets gifts showered upon her to help in the care and feeding of the soon to be born baby…

As long as this party focuses on the new life within the mom-to-be and not on the sinful way the baby was conceived ( therefore condoning the act ) there is absolutely nothing wrong with the party.

As our priest at our former parish used to say “There is not such thing as an illegitimate child; only illegitimate parents”

No one can claim to be prolife if they do not support the pregnant woman, no matter how she came to be pregnant.

She could have taken the “easy” way out and had an abortion.

Instead, she chose to do the right thing and allow her baby to LIVE! This should be celebrated, and she should be supported.

Your friend was very foolish in her choices; however we all have been in our lives. Attend the party and support your friend. If she chooses to parent the child, then she will have a long road ahead of her. She will need you.

If you are asked to be the Godparent, PLEASE take the responsibility seriously and make sure you friend knows that you do. If/when you become a Godparent; you have a responsibility to that child which is separate from your friendship. Even if you and the friend grow apart, you have a duty to help lead that child in their faith formation.

Where was Mom when 18 year old daughter was allowed to date one guy for a year ?

Knock knock, anyone home?

lol…Do you have teenagers? Sometimes kids can disobey their parents.

Anyway, the mom sounds like a horrible person to be honest.

Obviously this girl made a mistake. But why would being allowed to date one guy for a year be a problem? And it sounds like she got pregnant AFTER they broke up…

OP… this is sad. I wonder if the gir’ls parents think she is adopting out the baby. That way the whole mess can go away when she’s no longer pregnant. It does not make any sense what so ever to hid the PG, and her. Unless they plan on pretending nothing ever happened.

These sound like people way more concerned about their appearance, than showing love for their daughter. Probably why she went and found it someplace else…

:slight_smile: no children, but I was a teenager once - a horrible little devil to boot.

Because of how I was, I wouldn’t allow my child (him/her) to date any one person more than once, until they moved out of my house.

Curfew at 11 on Friday & Saturday.

My kids would have been screaming “I Hate You” a lot. :thumbsup:

Since you were a “horrible little devil”, then you know that an 11 pm curfew really does no good in curbing teen sex…

The busiest hours for teen sex are from the end of school til mom and dad get home.

In that case, I’d have been greeting the kids at the door :slight_smile: And no friends in bedrooms.

However…I’m assuming from the information in your post that her parents are also feeding and housing her…so they do have a say in what’s going on…at least in part, rightly or wrongly.

Yes, she is living with them, and will continue to live with them once her daughter is born.

There has to be more to the story. Is she planning on adopting the baby? Keeping the baby? Sounds like it if she’s needing Godparents.

Yes, she has decided to keep the baby :slight_smile:

It would be a bit bizarre that her mother would try to keep things “secret” if she (your friend) planned on keeping the baby.

This is exactly how I feel… people will find out eventually… why not now when she needs support the most?

Anyway, if the party is held outside the parent’s home, they have nothing to say about it. So you’re attending is morally neutral i.e. not sinful. Holding the party is not sinful as well, as it sounds like the mother’s wishes are a bit bizarre.

Okay, I just wanted to make sure.

Seriously, this seems to be about her and her embarrasement rather than about the welfare of her daughter and her baby. And that’s wrong.

Exactly what I’ve been saying all along.

I’m so sorry your friend is having to deal with all that. I’m sure her parents love her, and perhaps have her best interest at heart, but if its really like you say- geeez.:frowning:

They do love her, and they are well-intentioned. But no one’s perfect… :frowning:

So far as you and your two questions go, I wouldnt have ANY part in throwing it. WHEN, not IF her parents find out- you’ll be THAT person who went against their wishes. It’ll just be an ugly rift.

No, I am not having any part in planning it. I am just going to be attending.

All in all its a baby…and baby showers are so much fun…I just cant understand why her parents wouldnt make the most of this situation and allow her to enjoy this beautiful experience …

I can’t understand it either :confused:

As long as this party focuses on the new life within the mom-to-be and not on the sinful way the baby was conceived ( therefore condoning the act ) there is absolutely nothing wrong with the party.

Of course the focus is on the baby and on the mommy :slight_smile: There is absolutely no one that is condoning how the baby was conceived… we all know (including the mom) that it’s not how things should’ve been done.

OP… this is sad. I wonder if the gir’ls parents think she is adopting out the baby. That way the whole mess can go away when she’s no longer pregnant. It does not make any sense what so ever to hid the PG, and her. Unless they plan on pretending nothing ever happened.

She is keeping the baby. And I don’t see how they could pretend like nothing happened… she and the baby and going to be living in their home! That’s why I don’t understand why they want to keep it a secret… basically everyone knows about it, including most of the teens from our parish…

These sound like people way more concerned about their appearance, than showing love for their daughter. Probably why she went and found it someplace else…

I don’t know the parents intentions. But I do know that they definitely love her. And they, like every other parent, is imperfect. I can’t judge their motivations without having talked to them about it.

She’s not. She’s a wonderful woman. She is just mistaken in this case.

Everyone, let’s try not to judge a person based off of one circumstance in their life… :thumbsup:

I’m not at all condoning the way the mother is behaving, but this is probably EXACTLY why she seems embarrassed. In this day and age, people STILL blame the parents when their kids screw up! Unbelievable.

In Christ,

Ellen

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