My sexuality


#1

I'm a little worried. Recently, I've been kind of interested in men (I am a man), and have started to think about them sexually. I like women, and I plan on getting married some day. But right now, I have this curiousity, and I just can't stop thinking about it. I have not given into it, and I do not plan on it. I just can't get it off of my mind. And what if I do it? How will I stop? I'm not sure if this is the right place to put it it, but I'm very confused.


#2

Spend time in adoration of the blessed sacrament. Pray the rosary daily. Read about the Theology of the Body so that you understand the true meaning and purpose of our bodies and the sacrament of marriage.

What you are describing sound like a form of lust. Lust whether for men or women is generally driven by our environment. Is there anything you have been exposed to lately that could be feeding this? Tv, internet, movies nightlife etc? Are you under a lot of stress or suffering from a lack of sleep?

In addition to increasing your pray life, I recommend getting involved in activities at your Church. Join a rec sports team. Start a hobby. Spend time with family. If you keep yourself busy with good activities you have less time to dwell on unwanted thoughts and temptations. Anyway thats what works for me in avoiding my own temptations.

God Bless.


#3

I don’t know what it is. I have just be kind of thinking about it alot lately. I don’t want to. I do alot of stuff for my church, and I do try to pray the rosary daily. And you know what? That’s good advice. I guess that’s a good way to keep my head clean. Still, I do struggle with it. I’d never really given it much thought until fairly recently.


#4

If it’s not too much to ask, how old are you? Do you suffer from scrupulosity(Catholic version of OCD)? I 2nd the prayer and adoration, but I also recommend you try to fill your day with more activities and fun hobbies. The more your mine is occupied the less often you are tempted- at least for many people this is the case. Whenever you become tempted or worried about this issue try to think about something else or do something. Never entertain or stress a thought. If the devil’s knocking at the door bothers you, turn on/up the music so you don’t hear it- know what I mean. :wink: I would also talk to your priest about this issue.


#5

Almost every male goes through that stage when they are curious about these things. My advice would be to stay away from it, cause it is a sin of vengeance,there are many married men who go both ways, & it seems once they get caught up having it both ways, it takes a strong hold on them. This is the advice a Priest gave me & I didnt listen, been there, its a no no!


#6

It's a temptation. Do your best to ignore it.


#7

Good advice above on turning from these thoughts and NOT entertaining them. If you "starve" the temptation, it will decrease.

Check out a book called "Every Man's Battle"--- or something close to this. It is not on SSA, but the advice given is helpful for all re:chastity-- (talks about custody of the eyes, etc....)

Another piece of advice-- do not rush into marriage.

Peace-


#8

[quote="Trinityisgod, post:1, topic:178599"]
I'm a little worried. Recently, I've been kind of interested in men (I am a man), and have started to think about them sexually. I like women, and I plan on getting married some day. But right now, I have this curiousity, and I just can't stop thinking about it. I have not given into it, and I do not plan on it. I just can't get it off of my mind. And what if I do it? How will I stop? I'm not sure if this is the right place to put it it, but I'm very confused.

[/quote]

You may be bisexual. You cannot get rid of these feelings, in this kind of community you will have it hard to find out what you really are. Here you will probably go the Ted Haggart way, marry and secretly mess around with men like so many christians do on gay dating sites and pretend to be good husband at the same time. Supressed gays often do irresponsible condomless sex take drugs because they are very frustrated and hate themself deeply. They are the worst kind of gay, gays which supress often do stupid things. Poor guys and poor wifes of them too.

Figure yourself our without judgement. Be honest to yourself, if you are bisexual you can marry a woman and be happy and faithfull, if you are gay your just going to lie to a woman and mess up her life because you can't keep up a lie all your life. But first of all, you need space to be honest to yourself. I advice you to leave this forum, go to another christian community where you can figure out yourself in peace, this forum is very judgemntal compared to other christian communities. You don't want to be a Ted Haggart and wether you are bisex or gay, this forum wont help you, neither to get married in peace with yourself knowing you might be bisexual, nor if you turn out to be gay, you will just become one of those frustrated married gays which lies to himself, his wife and the community.

People here all too often claim "people choose to be gay/have these feelings". You are better off with advice on a place where people have these feelings themself, instead of a bunch of people who never experienced gay feelings themself, but nonetheless claim to perfectly know what causes it and judge with their ears closed.

I'm bisexual, have no problems with faithfull relationships to women, but then again, I did not grow up in a hatefull and judgemental community like this, so have no self problems. A good marriage is certainly possible, most gays/bisexuals where I live are not from hatefull communities like this and can well handle monogamous relationships and be happy. Its the supressed frustarted ones who get themself in trouble and do stupid things.


#9

[quote="exan, post:8, topic:178599"]
You may be bisexual. You cannot get rid of these feelings, in this kind of community you will have it hard to find out what you really are. Here you will probably go the Ted Haggart way, marry and secretly mess around with men like so many christians do on gay dating sites and pretend to be good husband at the same time. Supressed gays often do irresponsible condomless sex take drugs because they are very frustrated and hate themself deeply. They are the worst kind of gay, gays which supress often do stupid things. Poor guys and poor wifes of them too.

Figure yourself our without judgement. Be honest to yourself, if you are bisexual you can marry a woman and be happy and faithfull, if you are gay your just going to lie to a woman and mess up her life because you can't keep up a lie all your life. But first of all, you need space to be honest to yourself. I advice you to leave this forum, go to another christian community where you can figure out yourself in peace, this forum is very judgemntal compared to other christian communities. You don't want to be a Ted Haggart and wether you are bisex or gay, this forum wont help you, neither to get married in peace with yourself knowing you might be bisexual, nor if you turn out to be gay, you will just become one of those frustrated married gays which lies to himself, his wife and the community.

People here all too often claim "people choose to be gay/have these feelings". You are better off with advice on a place where people have these feelings themself, instead of a bunch of people who never experienced gay feelings themself, but nonetheless claim to perfectly know what causes it and judge with their ears closed.

I'm bisexual, have no problems with faithfull relationships to women, but then again, I did not grow up in a hatefull and judgemental community like this, so have no self problems. A good marriage is certainly possible, most gays/bisexuals where I live are not from hatefull communities like this and can well handle monogamous relationships and be happy. Its the supressed frustarted ones who get themself in trouble and do stupid things.

[/quote]

If you bash the advice given on this forum then you just refuted yourself and your advice since it is given here on this forum. If you must seek the advice of others and you cannot see yourself hearing those who are here, then leave. There are people here with SSA and they offer solid advice which may seem contrary to your world view but that does not make it senseless advice.

To call us a hateful and judgmental community because we follow the ways of Christ is in itself hateful and judgmental. You seem to have the OP all figured out yet you advise him to seek places where he can figure himself out.

Yes, many suggest to go to "another Christian Community" that adapts to their own gospel. There is only one gospel and yet so many "groups' that maintain that they follow the one gospel all while disagreeing with each other. The Anglican Church is experiencing this very topic within their heirarchy.

So if anyone should leave this forum it should be the one who thinks that they need to find their own gospel and not the one that has been preached for 2000 years. Jesus was very fervent in His teachings. Perhaps in His day you might have suggested that one leaves His exhortations since they too may have seemed judgmental.


#10

With hatefull I am referring to the attitude towards homosexuality here, and that is not a friendly one over all.


#11

[quote="exan, post:10, topic:178599"]
With hatefull I am referring to the attitude towards homosexuality here, and that is not a friendly one over all.

[/quote]

Nobody here should be treating people who have a same sex attraction with hate. However, it is completely ok to despise the sin and argue with those who think it is ok to act upon ones same sex attraction.


#12

You should recognize that it is possible that you are bisexual and learn to suppress your feelings for the same sex. You might check out Courage Apostolate at the following link:

couragerc.net/


#13

TrinityisGod, could it be that somewhere inside you, you are longing for a fulfilling, meaningful friendship with men? Often times when we long for a connection, we for some reason bring it to a sexual place, when we really crave an intellectual or emotional place. In today's society especially, it is all about consuming another person and not valuing them as sibling in Christ. Sort of like how even heterosexual men will go through scores of women or illicit material seeking something, but never quite coming away fulfilled. This is because they are actually seeking a genuine giving of one's self and coming away empty.
It is important to contemplate, next time you feel this pull towards other men, if you acted on it, would you be doing it to will the good of that person - or to satisfy a confused impulse within yourself?


#14

Hey Trinityisgod,
From my own experience, homosexuality is a psychological condition brought about by an unhealthy childhood. I grew up with a father who I could never relate to, he never spent time with me, didn't take an interest in me, and only talked to me to hand down discipline or be judgmental. To me, he was cold and judgmental, unloving and distant. My mother, on the other hand, was overprotective of me, liked to do lots of things with me, relied on me for emotional support, and had a generally unhealthy and over-involved relationship with me that emasculated me. Because of my disconnect from my father and generally difficult relationships with my older brothers, I also was never comfortable associating with my male peers, The result of all this is that a genuine boyhood need to be loved, accepted, affirmed and delighted in by other men was denied me but the need did not go away. The need remained as a deficit, gnawing away at me until, when I went through adolescence, it met with my sex drive and I began to have homosexual attractions. This is the basic model for the homosexual condition. If this sounds familiar to you, I would advise giving homosexuality101.com/ a visit or checking out the website for NARTH. There are, however, exceptions to this model and because you're telling me that you also have attractions to women, from what I can tell primarily attractions to women, your situation may not be like this. I don't know your case and you may not want to talk about this issue in particular, but sexual abuse can often lead to sexual confusion. Another possibility that I've just recently discovered is sexual confusion getting entangled in a legitimate struggle with obsessive tendencies, so you may want to check out this forum stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?p=194815. I hope this helps you and I will be praying for you. God bless.

Yours in Christ,
Josh


#15

I also have SSA. I share many similarities to your life situation including judgmental father, over-involved mother, and difficulty relating to samesex (male) peers. I also happen to share a name with you as well.

TrinityisGod, if you find any similarities between what bennierja had mentioned is his post and your own life, then I highly recommend that you check out the sources that he mentioned and bond with others guys in healthy ways.

If not, I would recommend that you not worry about it too much. Worrying will cause it to be at the tip of your mind. Instead, keep yourself distracted by thinking about other, positive, things.

Also, practicing temperance in general is always good.


#16

[quote="exan, post:8, topic:178599"]
You may be bisexual. You cannot get rid of these feelings, in this kind of community you will have it hard to find out what you really are. Here you will probably go the Ted Haggart way, marry and secretly mess around with men like so many christians do on gay dating sites and pretend to be good husband at the same time. .

[/quote]

This argument is totally without integrity.

The heterosexual man "cannot get rid of these feelings" either. Yet he (hopefully) remains faithful to his spouse and his Lord, happily and joyfully till death do them part.

Discovering that you are bisexual after marriage and acting out on these sexual desires while using the excuse of deprivation is nothing more then infidelity and adultry under a woe-is-me mentality.

Homosexual or heterosexual, adultry is adultry and excuses are excuses.

"Bisexuality" is the most lame of excuses of all. The world is full of approximately 6 billion potential partners. If one is a self-proclaimed "bisexual" just cut 6 in half and move on with your life (there are still 3 billion left) and drop the woe-is-me attitude just as the heterosexual must. I fail to see the difference.


#17

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