My sister hates me


#1

Through the Immaculate Heart,

Please don't think that I am some kind of troll or that I'm doing this just to get revenge on my sister but we and I just don't get along any more.:(

She's in her early teenage years while I'm seventeen. If we speak to each other, I have to start the conversation because otherwise, she doesn't speak to me at all. She only asks me to help her in some small homework problem but thats it. If I ask her to help me, she fumes and gets angry. She even fumes when I tell her that theres a funny video that I want to show her and kicks me out of the bedroom.

She has a male friend come over every day and she just doesn't let me speak to him. I mean it, she even tells me angrily to not talk to him and even my mom, whom otherwise I have a good relationship with, goes on her side and tells e to not enter her room when he is present. Just now, I went to talk to him to get to


#2

[quote="philipmarie, post:1, topic:233531"]
Through the Immaculate Heart,

Please don't think that I am some kind of troll or that I'm doing this just to get revenge on my sister but we and I just don't get along any more.:(

She's in her early teenage years while I'm seventeen. If we speak to each other, I have to start the conversation because otherwise, she doesn't speak to me at all. She only asks me to help her in some small homework problem but thats it. If I ask her to help me, she fumes and gets angry. She even fumes when I tell her that theres a funny video that I want to show her and kicks me out of the bedroom.

She has a male friend come over every day and she just doesn't let me speak to him. I mean it, she even tells me angrily to not talk to him and even my mom, whom otherwise I have a good relationship with, goes on her side and tells e to not enter her room when he is present. Just now, I went to talk to him to get to

[/quote]


#3

[quote="philipmarie, post:1, topic:233531"]
Through the Immaculate Heart,

Please don't think that I am some kind of troll or that I'm doing this just to get revenge on my sister but we and I just don't get along any more.:(

She's in her early teenage years while I'm seventeen. If we speak to each other, I have to start the conversation because otherwise, she doesn't speak to me at all. She only asks me to help her in some small homework problem but thats it. If I ask her to help me, she fumes and gets angry. She even fumes when I tell her that theres a funny video that I want to show her and kicks me out of the bedroom.

She has a male friend come over every day and she just doesn't let me speak to him. I mean it, she even tells me angrily to not talk to him and even my mom, whom otherwise I have a good relationship with, goes on her side and tells e to not enter her room when he is present. Just now, I went to talk to him to get to

[/quote]

It's called hormones we all have went throughn the stage where nothing seems right listen to mom in a few years you wont believe what a nice person she is but she is at the age where many changes are taking place within her body i dont know if she has had her first menstrual cycle or not but just the short time leading up to it can really cause one to be out of sorts i am sure you can remember back to those days the attitude will pass and iam sure if you ask you mother you were probally out of sorts when you were that age too and changes were taking place in your body


#4

I was going to say as the above poster did - hormones. But they won't necessarily just flare up once a month, it could be an ongoing thing during her teenage years, and I'm speaking from experience. I'm 34 now, but when I was a teenager I was moody, glum, and had a massive attitude problem ALL of the time. I was totally unpleasant to deal with. Then I grew up, and eventually realised what a pain I had been for all that time - but if someone had told me then I wouldn't have listened. I would have thought the problem lay with them.

Pray for patience with her. Be there for her, even if it must be in a reduced capacity for the time being. Don't cross the boundaries she has set up until she realises you are actually just being a good brother to her. If you do overstep the mark with her, it may make her more resentful. These friends of hers will come and go. Be assured of that. The friends I had as a teenager are long since gone.

If you remain as a gentle and kind presence to her during this period, one day she will wake up and realise she mistreated you. Yes, it sucks for the time being, and probably feels like there is no end in sight, but these years pass so quickly, believe me. Pray about it, abide by her rules for the time being - time will pass, and she will mature and realise what a good brother she has.:)


#5

Sometimes families have problems. It hurts at the time, but it'll get better.

Hang in there my friend. Your in my prayers.


#6

Thanks everybody, I really should be patient. To be honest I did get angry now and called her a 'bastard' for mistreating me in front of her friend (who actually defended me when she started crying on purpose:)) and when she started to beat me up, I admit that I kicked her. I made a bad example of myself, even though she started it. I forgive her with my whole heart just to mean it. I have to say though that i didn't continue arguing with her. She even came into my room shouting at me and trying to 'scare' me into not talking with her friends:(.

Its just so sad for me because it makes me so miserable. I'm finding it so hard to live in the same home of a person who just hates you and I think that it is more than hormones. She, like so mnay children today, probably got influenced by those blasted television shows which do not know nor convey the meaning of love. These shows don't even realize that the obnoxious 'protagonists' of their series are villains in themselves and my sister is taking after them. She's convinced herself that I'm trying to ruin her life and she has no confidence in me. She thinks I'm a bad person or something and is really manipulative. SHe begins panics just because she doesn't get her way. Like the time my dad told her that she couldn't stay up so late at night, she began shouting and crying and even slept at her friend's house that night.


#7

Whats worrying me though is, without meaning to be proud, whether people who know would recognize me by my CAF username and start degrading my sister, who will have even more reaosn to hate me.:(


#8

May I ask you please… How old are you…??


#9

I already said, I'm seventeen, while my sister is thirteen. I'll be 18 this September although that doesn't make me any better than anybody who is not over 18. I always think that no matter how old you are you should always try to be a child of the Blessed Virgin and treat Her like how a child treats his Mother:D.


#10

Uh, really, do you think maybe THIS:

may be the reason she doesn’t talk to you or why your mother tells you to stay away when she has a friend over? I doubt this is the first time this has happened either. As the saying goes, you are old enough to know better. You kicked her? You acted more like a kid in preschool with that move. You need to calm down and not react to everything a thirteen year old says or does.


#11

Irishmom, it is true. I acted more like a brat than an innocent kid. However I do not think that is the reason she doesn't speak to me because I never, I sincerely never go and beat her up when she doesn't do what I want. The only time I actually fight back is when she tries beating me and even then I only do it just to prevent her from continuing to beat me. Sure I joke and tease her sometimes, but not in a way that is annoying.

It all started when I converted from my lukewarm faith to a stronger one. Before, I didn't pray at all yet when I converted, I started to say the Rosary, I talked about nothing but the Church, which caused my parents to worry a bit because I became 'religious':hmmm:. She started to hate me because I supposedly 'ruined' my parents lives.

Now? I'm closer to my dad than I ever was. He became my best friend after the Blessed Virgin. Before, I would always insult him and get angry at him if he doesn't do the things that I want and even forced myself to think he was a bad guy because my otherwise dumb mum (whom I actually have a healthy relationship with), who NEVER divorced my dad and the latter who NEVER showed the slightest hint at adultery was convinced and convinced me and my sister that he was collecting money to go Live In England.

When I converted, I started seeing my parents from an impartial point of view and I found that my mother was exaggerating everything up. I never saw my dad mistreat my mom. I'm not exaggerating, the closest he got to to mistreatment was that he sometimes lost it because of the verbal abuse my mother heaped upon him. When I converted? I started listening to my dad's view on things and concluded that my mum was all wrong. I saw what he had to suffer and started telling my mom (albeit with some strictness) about what she was doing and over time, she adopted my views. My dad has support now and he's removed alot of faults which lead him into sin with me teaching him about the Church and all that. We became really close and I mean really close.

My sister still has this stupid misconception that my dad is trying to go and live in England. How dumb can you get? My dad would never do that. And don't say that I don't know whether my dad hurt her in some way or not. The houses which we live here in Malta aren't big at all. In fact, they're rather small, cramped even. We always know what is going on in this household and my dad and sister rarely are left alone. in fact, he gave her everything that she wanted. In other words, she was a spoiled brat who now thinks that she is the queen, without meaning to sound angry at her. If my dad is trying to put some restrictions and discipline her, she becomes angry as I said.


#12

My suggestion is that you develop
some interests outside your family.
As soon as possible, really.

Developmentally, that is your task at your age.
Your task is NOT to mend the marriage of your parents.
Nor is it to decide what might/could be best for your sister.

Your task is to live a good holy life as a teenaged boy.
Teenaged boys have friends and interests. Generally,
they are not overly involved in some “reform” of their family.


#13

[quote="philipmarie, post:6, topic:233531"]
I did get angry now and called her a 'bastard' for mistreating me in front of her friend ..... I admit that I kicked her. ..... She's convinced herself that I'm trying to ruin her life and she has no confidence in me. .

[/quote]

So you called her inappropriate names in front of her friends, and you, a 17 year old GUY KICKED a 13 year old GIRL?!? :eek:
Yeah, I would not be talking to you either!

[quote="philipmarie, post:11, topic:233531"]

..... because my otherwise dumb mum ..... Nice attitude....something about honoring parents.....:confused:

I saw what he had to suffer and **started telling my mom (albeit with some strictness) **about what she was doing and over time, she adopted my views.
Really....you are 17 years old and you are TELLING your mother with "strictness"?!? Again, something about honoring your parents.....:confused:

My dad has support now and he's removed alot of faults which lead him into sin with me teaching him about the Church and all that.
Uh, huh...yet you somehow think it is hunky dory to KICK your sister, call her names, and put your own mother into her place.

We became really close and I mean really close. Unhealthily close, so it seems.

...... she was a spoiled brat who now thinks that she is the queen, ......If my dad is trying to put some restrictions and discipline her, she becomes angry as I said. She may be spoiled, but you sound pretty self-righteous and proud...also sins.

[/quote]

Go hang out with your friends, allow your parents to mend their own marriage, stop physically and emotionally abusing your sister (yes, kicking your sister is physical assault and abuse), and do some growing up. :mad:


#14

Catholic90, I didn't mean to sound self rightous. I know pride is a sin. I really don't emotionally abuse my sister, I really don't. Without offending, why don't you tell that to my sister? You don't know what goes between me and my dad. Really, unhealthily? I'm a nervous wreck and she's manipulated my mum against me.

When I said strictness, I didn't mean that I commanded her. That is just wrong, what I meant was that I talked to her with seriousness and persevered to show her that she was wrong. For a kid to try to make better his parent's marraige is nothing wrong. I never wanted them to fight or quarrel and they don't. Just occasionally maybe.

I'm not justifying my actions. What I did was wrong, even though I didn't kick her kick her. I didn't put her on the ground and kick her like how you see in the movies. Even though what Idid was horrible, her actions aren't justified either. She beats me up and when I say she beats me up, she is absolutely ferocious and most of the time, in all honesty, I don't fight back or try not to let her beat me by catching her punches. She even tore my Rosary in contempt.

I knew that people will misunderstand what I said. It's always the big, bad brother who does wrong to his sister. I did mistakes in my life which didn't have anything to do with my sis, I admit it but I want to make amends to her and for every wrong that I did but hey, she must makes amends for the emotional and physical abuse which she sends upon me too. You don't know my sister, you just don't know her. I don't mean to make her look bad but, if I try talking to her friend when she in the same room as he is she literally grabs me and kicks me out. When I confronted her on this, she said that I'd better not do it again or she'll 'humiliate' me again in front of him. Really.


#15

[quote="philipmarie, post:14, topic:233531"]
Catholic90, I didn't mean to sound self rightous. I know pride is a sin. I really don't emotionally abuse my sister, I really don't. Without offending, why don't you tell that to my sister? You don't know what goes between me and my dad. Really, unhealthily? I'm a nervous wreck and she's manipulated my mum against me.

When I said strictness, I didn't mean that I commanded her. That is just wrong, what I meant was that I talked to her with seriousness and persevered to show her that she was wrong. For a kid to try to make better his parent's marraige is nothing wrong. I never wanted them to fight or quarrel and they don't. Just occasionally maybe.

I'm not justifying my actions. What I did was wrong, even though I didn't kick her kick her. I didn't put her on the ground and kick her like how you see in the movies. Even though what Idid was horrible, her actions aren't justified either. She beats me up and when I say she beats me up, she is absolutely ferocious and most of the time, in all honesty, I don't fight back or try not to let her beat me by catching her punches. She even tore my Rosary in contempt.

I knew that people will misunderstand what I said. It's always the big, bad brother who does wrong to his sister. I did mistakes in my life which didn't have anything to do with my sis, I admit it but I want to make amends to her and for every wrong that I did but hey, she must makes amends for the emotional and physical abuse which she sends upon me too. You don't know my sister, you just don't know her. I don't mean to make her look bad but, if I try talking to her friend when she in the same room as he is she literally grabs me and kicks me out. When I confronted her on this, she said that I'd better not do it again or she'll 'humiliate' me again in front of him. Really.

[/quote]

If you truly want a better relationship with your sister, do as she asks.

LEAVE HER ALONE.


#16

I think so too! Go get friends of your own and leave hers alone!


#17

[quote="philipmarie, post:14, topic:233531"]
Catholic90, I didn't mean to sound self rightous. I know pride is a sin. I really don't emotionally abuse my sister, I really don't. When you called her a BASTARD in front of her friends, yes, you do. Without offending, why don't you tell that to my sister? You don't know what goes between me and my dad. Really, unhealthily? You said, "We became really close and I mean really close." Sorry, but as a 17 year old guy, you are supposed to be getting ready to spread your wings and fly. I'm a nervous wreck and she's manipulated my mum against me.

When I said strictness, I didn't mean that I commanded her. That is just wrong, what I meant was that I talked to her with seriousness and persevered to show her that she was wrong. OMG! Again, it is NOT YOUR JOB or PLACE to show her "she was wrong"!! Do you not get that?!? She is your MOTHER. She has had just a few years more experience in this life and in her marriage with your father than you have!

(Of course, you are 17 and at the point in your life where you do have all the answers and are all knowing - enjoy it, because in your mid-20s, you will begin to lose your all-knowing powers!:rolleyes:) For a kid to try to make better his parent's marraige is nothing wrong. I never wanted them to fight or quarrel and they don't. Just occasionally maybe. Almost all marriages have fights and/or quarrels. It is a part of communication. It is NOT your place to get in the middle of it.

I'm not justifying my actions. What I did was wrong, even though I didn't kick her kick her. I didn't put her on the ground and kick her like how you see in the movies. I would hope not, because if you did that, you should be in jail. Even though what Idid was horrible, her actions aren't justified either. This is not about her; it is about YOU and how you choose to react. She beats me up and when I say she beats me up, she is absolutely ferocious and most of the time, in all honesty, I don't fight back or try not to let her beat me by catching her punches. How about you leave her alone. She even tore my Rosary in contempt. Probably because she can see through your hypocrisy. You hold the rosary while kicking her.

I knew that people will misunderstand what I said. It's always the big, bad brother who does wrong to his sister. I did mistakes in my life which didn't have anything to do with my sis, I admit it but I want to make amends to her and for every wrong that I did start by not kicking her and just leaving her alone but hey, she must makes amends for the emotional and physical abuse which she sends upon me too. That is not your job to enforce. You don't know my sister, you just don't know her. I don't mean to make her look bad but, if I try talking to her friend when she in the same room as he is she literally grabs me and kicks me out. Then get out! Clearly, you are not welcomed by your sister to visit with her friends. LEAVE THEM ALONE. When I confronted her on this, she said that I'd better not do it again or she'll 'humiliate' me again in front of him. Really. You, the wiser older brother, apparently called her names and kicked her in front of her friends, so I can clearly see her point. STAY AWAY from her.

She has given you a very clear message.....she wants you to leave her and her friends alone. So leave her alone. What is so hard to understand about that?!?:shrug:

[/quote]

I have a 17 year old son. If my son ever tried any of the shenagins you have tried, I think he would find a bag with a pair of underwear on the front step and note wishing him well on his journey.


#18

I never meant to steal her friends or to get them away from her, I would never do that. Yet, I'll try and leave her alone. I never even speak to her friends, I just tried speaking to this one because he was a boy like me. He is even my age. Yet, I'll leave them alone.

Catholic90, I'm not one who insults my sister when she insults me and tries to humiliate me. It was just this one time, just this one time. She doesn't hate me because I mistreat her because I don't, I really don't. I've become lukewarm in my devotion I admit and let anger get the better of me but I won't let it agian, with Mary's help. I'm not going to again because I don't want to be like her. Next time, I'll turn the other cheek.

I just wish people would read the full post and not misjudge them. In this case, what I did to my sister was less than what she continually does to me. I'm just saying, we were really close when we were just a few years younger (when she was sometihng like eleven years old), joking, playing, laughing, etc... I even cook for her and the entire family sometimes and she doesn't always cut off the conversation when I try talking to her.


#19

[quote="Catholic90, post:17, topic:233531"]
I have a 17 year old son. If my son ever tried any of the shenagins you have tried, I think he would find a bag with a pair of underwear on the front step and note wishing him well on his journey.

[/quote]

I know.
He kicked a GIRL?
His own sister???

Lord, have mercy on us.


#20

[quote="philipmarie, post:18, topic:233531"]
I never meant to steal her friends or to get them away from her, I would never do that. Yet, I'll try and leave her alone. I never even speak to her friends, I just tried speaking to this one because he was a boy like me. He is even my age. Yet, I'll leave them alone.

[/quote]

Glad you can see the "solution."
Now DO it!


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