My sister's dating a married guy!


#1

My sister met this man at work, who seems to be such a nice guy. My family actually likes him, but they think he’s divorced!!! But he’s still married to his wife and they have 2 children together, 2 boys, 7 & 9.

At first my sister told me he was married, then she said he was divorced, then she told me he was separated. Then I confronted her about this and she finally admitted he’s married still. Well, sure this man is nice, good looking, and has a good job and is a good dad, BUT he’s married and he also had a vasectomy done a few yrs back.

So, that’s not all… when they first began “dating” he was already “cheating” on my sister with another woman. So, here’s this married man, cheating on my sister. He is separated, but he’s still married. Oh, and he’s not Catholic. He is Christian, but I don’t know what denomination.

Ok… so my sis tells me this guys had a vasectomy and she said she told him that she didn’t want anything to do with a man who wouldn’t be able to make her a mom. She’s already 29, never been married, and has always been in conflicting relationships. So, then, a few days later, she finds out this guy is not only dating her, but some other girl. Sister breaks it off. He swears the other woman mean nothing (just like the wife), and begs my sister to get back with him. Fine, he’s separated, he’s trying to be committed to my sister, but, he’s STILL MARRIED. My sis said she was going to be seeing him just to make him “suffer” for having “cheated” on her (btw, I believe they are sleeping together, more likely than not, my sister’s well known for that :frowning: )… so, now she’s forgotten about the whole other girl thing, and now is just waiting on the guy’s divorce to become final. Supposedly, it becomes final in January. Ok, we live in California, divorces don’t take that long in California! According to her, their divorce is taking about 2 yrs because they both want custody of the boys. Mmm… a bit skeptical here, I studied divorce in college, and this doesn’t sound like it… I’m afraid this guy is afraid to get divorced and does not want another serious relationship.

Ok, to top it all, my sister calls me yesterday and tells me they’re moving in together. :eek: Too many things came to my head! Just to name a few: 1. She lived with a Catholic guy for 2 yrs and when they were to start reserving ballrooms and choosing her dress for their wedding, she called it off because she said she couldn’t stand him any more after having lived w/him. 2. She said many times in the past she believes cohabiting is WRONG and kills any relationship before marriage.

I mentioned the Catholic guy, and she said, “Why are you always comparing my b/fs?” Well, because she always dates the wrong guys, the ones who cheat, the ones who are only w/her because of sex, the ones who made her drop out of school, the ones who have helped her ruin her credit, just to name a few… oh, and now, the one who is married!!!

So, I don’t know what else to do. She always dates one guy after the other, and always lets them hurt her. One she dated for 10 yrs, on and off, and he cheated several times, but she pretended it never happened, but when the guy tried to get MY best friend drunk to sleep with him, my sister got angry at my friend and not at the guy!! She still talks to him… Something wrong in this picture, right??? She doesn’t take time between guys she dates, and she’s sexually active with all of them. Ever since high school (we’re talking about 11 yrs), she’s dated one after the other, and the most she’s been w/o a b/f is 1 wk!

Oh, and now that she’s forgetting about the new guy being married and having cheated on her already, she says she doesn’t want kids. :shrug: I will never understand her… I don’t know what else to do. She’s so immature for her age, and that’s only on the emotional side… the rest of her life is a mess too…


#2

Something anyone dating a cheater should learn - if he/she will do it with you, he/she will do it too you.


#3

If she knows that he will cheat to be with her, what will stop him the next time the grass looks greener over the fence?

If a man has the ability to stoop that low - how can you ever trust him again?

I’d tell her to run - and run fast. Not only has she put her own soul at jeopardy, but his as well. Not to mention the pain and impact on his family. Don’t even think for one second that his wife is totally oblivious, and kids are so much smarter than anyone ever gives credit.

Ohhhh - that just makes me so mad. What in the world is she thinking??? She has no right to this man!!!

Ok - I better stop now…I have way too much (similar) personal baggage with my own parents to get into to this one. :mad:

~Liza


#4

Sounds like she better get the group rate at the neighborhood STD test center. I hope she is tested often, because Don Juan may end up giving her more than a baby.

Congratulations to her! She’s just gotten a man who can’t be trusted and has proven to the world he’s a liar and a cheat. If that’s all she thinks she’s worth, you can’t convince her otherwise.

Do warn her if he moves in with her, the wife may hire a P.I. and she could be named as a respondent in a messy divorce. The angry wife will use it as leverage to get a bigger settlement.

And she can have the two little kids whose home she helped destroy on her conscience.

But something tells me she’s too far gone to care about any of this. If he moves in, you should call your sister every night and ask her if his kids are crying for their daddy.

Because I’ve been the mommy who had the little girls cry for their daddy and wake me up sobbing at 1:30 in the morning. It kills you.

The good thing about all this is it won’t last very long. Neither she nor the man is capable of any kind of solid permanent relationship. But she does seem to thrive on drama, doesn’t she.

Have masses said for her. That’s all you can do.


#5

A man who divorces his wife to marry his mistress creates an opening in both postions.


#6

A man who divorces his wife to marry his mistress creates an opening in both postions.

Good one! :thumbsup:


#7

One clarification… the kids and the wife know about my sister. The kids love my sister and her little dog. I just don’t know if the kids realize how serious this is. Their dad doesn’t live w/them, he lives near them.

And yes, my sister lives off drama. She has all her life, ever since my parents’ divorce (we’re talking about since she was 7 yrs old!). You know, this happened to us when we were little (in a worse way - bigamy came into play in my family) and she’s doing it too… makes me sooo mad.

I wonder if I should tell my parents about this situation. They believe he’s divorced and actually think he’s a nice guy. I accidently told my dad (stepdad) that this man has kids… Well, my dad isn’t too fond of any guy we ever liked. We are his little girls so, he told me he didn’t like my ister’s b/f that much because he drank too much at a family bbq for father’s day… I’m about to give up…

Oh, and should I mention my SIL is doing the same exact thing???


#8

I feel so sorry for your sister and I will keep her in my prayers. She is a sad, lost and lonely soul searching for something.

How low must someone be emotionally to cling to a man such as this? Her soul must just be in the worst shape, poor thing. I don’t know what you can possibly say to her at this point, but I would suggest showing her as much love as you can to help bring her back to Christ. I would not do things to encourage their relationship (going to their home for dinner, buying them bedsheets as a housewarming gift) but I would try and show love to HER. Take her to the movies, tell her she looks nice, compliment her on her kindness…anything to show her love so she will turn to you, and hopefully you can help turn her back to Christ.

I will pray for your family. Hope this helps.


closed #9

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