Is my son being a good Christian or is he just being used? He’s 22 years old, a college student still living at home and commuting to school. He has a group of male and female friends he regularly hangs out with. There’s one girl “Jane” who’s in love with a member of the group, “Bob”, but Bob is, as the saying goes, just not that into her. So Jane frequently has my son come over to her house so she can complain about the situation. (Bob is my son’s best friend) Just last night my son, who has a night class ending at 9:30, came home after 1:00 A.M. because he was at Jane’s house, listening to her vent. Then he had to get up early in the morning to go to school. It’s not as though anything is solved in these sessions. Jane evidently needs a shoulder to cry on, but how much is too much? I know, my son is 22, a man, has to lead his own life, make his own mistakes, etc., but I’m steamed at this situation.
This is his first lesson in dealing with an immature person who is only considering her own feelings. He’s going to have to redirect her angst in another direction by telling her it’s Bob she should be telling all this, not him. As he goes through life he’s going to find other users and abusers of others time and resources, so it’s probably a good thing he is having to deal with such a person now–it will be good rehearsal for worse personalities to come.
Hmmm…comforting “Jane” until 1am. What a good Samaritan…or not. Have you considered the possibility that your son has ulterior motives regarding “Jane” and perhaps doesn’t feel “used” by being such a patient shoulder for her to cry on? :console: Whatever the case…this doesn’t sound illegal, immoral or fattening (as Dr. Laura likes to say) so let him figure this one out for himself.
I’ve asked him if he has any feelings for Jane, but he says she’s not his type. He’s just a really good listener, I guess. (BTW, I’m his Mom.)
Sorry MOM–probably should have guessed–it would probably never occur to most dads to be concerned about a situation like this.
Yes, he’s being used.
Now, how or whether you broach the subject is another thing entirely. It may be a lesson he has to learn the hard way.
But, you might start dropping the idea that Jane is never around unless it’s all about her. Such as, Jane never calls you up just to talk about how you are doing. Jane never invites you to the movies… or reciprocates your kind deeds. There might be some ways to point out her behavior indirectly.
i would say do not tell him anything unless it is directly affecting his college studies… which it might be … just talk to him about that… he needs to learn about the emotional part on his own… you do not want him to get jaded about everyone… parents can be very influential that way…
just my :twocents:
Your son is 22, let him handle his own friendships. If his is being used it’s obviously not bothering him.
And, as many have pointed out, sometimes we have to learn about relationships the hard way…
Girls will rattle on til 6am if you let us:D about most anything, really…so, to her, maybe only 10 minutes passed. ha! I don’t think he’s being used…but he should just draw some boundaries with friends…otherwise, he will end up real exhausted, real fast.
No, he’s not a chump.
there is a third choice, willing doormat, but whatever the relationship, it is his problem to solve, nobody else’s.
Like someone pointed out, women will prattle on til all hours about anything and everything.
However, if he is being a willing participant, than let him.
Just let him know that you are uncomfortable with him being out so late when he needs to be at class early the next day.
(On a side note- have you read “Raising Catholic Children”? Especially the chapter regarding adult children living at home? My parents took the approach the author does, when I was living at home)
Your son is an adult, I think you should not concern yourself.
I recommend prayer. Spend an hour in Adoration, ask for blessings on all concerned and give it to Jesus. Place it at the foot of the Cross and leave it there.
“Jesus, I Trust in You”
BTW, my 2 sons lived at home until they were 24 and 26. The last one finally left 3 years ago. It is so hard sometimes to let them be adults, to let them go. We have been in the habit, as mothers, since the day they were born, of looking after them and being an authority over them. That’s a habit that is hard to break.
Then again, I don’t think you ever stop worrying about your children. I know my mom still worries about me.