[quote=Paige]I am a Catholic woman and have a Catholic son (21 years old and a junior in college) who just told me that he is gay. I cannot explain the sense of sadness I have been feeling. I pray for him daily and have not cut off any communication with or love for him. I have not brought up the subject since our initial 2-day emotional discussion about it on Jan. 5th.
His father left when my son was 4 and when I re-married 5 years later, he did not bond with his step-father. He has not had any real heterosexual male mentor in his life. I am not sure of all the causes for homosexuality, but this has been one theory brought forth. I have read that mothers can only pray for their gay son, since mothers of gay sons are part of the problem as a result of the gay son’s overidentification with her due to the absence of a loving and attentive father.
Thank you so much for reading this, I appreciate any thoughts, advice, support and pray.
May God Bless You,
Paige, contact NARTH (National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, www.narth.com) at 818-789-6944. Therapy can help him, and even if there is no therapist near you, therapists at NARTH offer telephone counseling. There are TONS of resources. Another therapist offering telephone counseling is Richard Cohen (www.gaytostraight.org). Go to Encourage meetings, and join PFOX (www.pfox.org) as well as Encourage. Also look at www.pathinfo.org for links to other organizations that might be able to help.
I think you’re right about your son not bonding with his step-father as part of the problem. Your son is starving for male connection and has sexualized it.
If you really want to help your son, I highly recommend that both you and your husband also get a counselor. Get a referral from NARTH to a counselor. You may disagree and believe that everything was fine in your family, but you should at least explore why your second husband never bonded with his step-son, and you may have to deal with letting your son grow up as a man, especially if you still see him as a boy.
Get and read the books, “Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality” by Joseph Nicolosi, “Coming Out Straight” by Richard Cohen and “Growth into Manhood” by Alan Medinger. You can get them from www.amazon.com.
There is hope, a lot of it, and it will take some hard work on your whole family’s part to help your son.