My son just told me he is gay...need prayer and support


#1

I am a Catholic woman and have a Catholic son (21 years old and a junior in college) who just told me that he is gay. I cannot explain the sense of sadness I have been feeling. I pray for him daily and have not cut off any communication with or love for him. I have not brought up the subject since our initial 2-day emotional discussion about it on Jan. 5th.

His father left when my son was 4 and when I re-married 5 years later, he did not bond with his step-father. He has not had any real heterosexual male mentor in his life. I am not sure of all the causes for homosexuality, but this has been one theory brought forth. I have read that mothers can only pray for their gay son, since mothers of gay sons are part of the problem as a result of the gay son’s overidentification with her due to the absence of a loving and attentive father.

Thank you so much for reading this, I appreciate any thoughts, advice, support and pray.

May God Bless You,
Paige


#2

[quote=Paige]I am a Catholic woman and have a Catholic son (21 years old and a junior in college) who just told me that he is gay. I cannot explain the sense of sadness I have been feeling. I pray for him daily and have not cut off any communication with or love for him. I have not brought up the subject since our initial 2-day emotional discussion about it on Jan. 5th.

His father left when my son was 4 and when I re-married 5 years later, he did not bond with his step-father. He has not had any real heterosexual male mentor in his life. I am not sure of all the causes for homosexuality, but this has been one theory brought forth. I have read that mothers can only pray for their gay son, since mothers of gay sons are part of the problem as a result of the gay son’s overidentification with her due to the absence of a loving and attentive father.

Thank you so much for reading this, I appreciate any thoughts, advice, support and pray.

May God Bless You,
Paige
[/quote]

Please contact Courage. This ministry can help you and your son.

couragerc.net/


#3

[quote=Paige]I am a Catholic woman and have a Catholic son (21 years old and a junior in college) who just told me that he is gay. I cannot explain the sense of sadness I have been feeling. I pray for him daily and have not cut off any communication with or love for him. I have not brought up the subject since our initial 2-day emotional discussion about it on Jan. 5th.

His father left when my son was 4 and when I re-married 5 years later, he did not bond with his step-father. He has not had any real heterosexual male mentor in his life. I am not sure of all the causes for homosexuality, but this has been one theory brought forth. I have read that mothers can only pray for their gay son, since mothers of gay sons are part of the problem as a result of the gay son’s overidentification with her due to the absence of a loving and attentive father.

Thank you so much for reading this, I appreciate any thoughts, advice, support and pray.

May God Bless You,
Paige
[/quote]

Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up about it. Pray for your son, show him Christ’s face, always speak the truth to him, but love him. Ask Saint Monica to pray for him. St. Augustine lead her a hell of a life before he converted!


#4

Please contact Courage, and their companion group for families, you need to know that there are a multiplicity of causes and contributing factors and that this is not your fault. You also need the truth, not distortions, glamorizations, or exaggerations about the choices your son is making and their consequences so you can be there when he needs you.


#5

Paige,

just one thing, you have nothing to do with it. However somebody becomes gay, nobody knows (though i myself believe it is part of God’s plan, we just don’t always understand it) and don’t let anybody who has no clue whatsoever about the topic tell you it is your “fault”.

It was shock for my devout Catholic mother as well, but as she said me after a while “you are still yourself, you haven’t changed, just my knowledge has changed, so of course i’ll love you the same way i did before”

What he needs most is to know that you support him, you don’t have to approve on everything he does, but show him you love him anyway.

He has to find his own place in life, maybe he will decide to live a chaste life, maybe not. You might not like his decission (about a chaste life, not about homosexuality, the later is no decission) but love and support him anyway (you can still support him when you don’t want to support his way of living).

Don’t fall for those people who will try to tll you the homosexuality can be “cured”. It can’t and if you try it you will probably your son at least ruin him psychologically.

All my best wishes for you,

Werner


#6

I can share your grief with you. My oldest son also recently told us he is gay. I has been a hard road. We have told him we love him but do not approve of his lifestyle. We have found Encourage meetings to be very helpful to us. Encourage is a Catholic Suppport group for parents and friends of those experiencing same sex attraction. I has been helpful to be around other parents with the same belief structure as ourselves. Check with your local diocese to see if there is a group near you and please go. God Bless you.


#7

In addition to the advice already given, consider some words of Jesus in Mt 19:12

Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so; some, because they were made so by others; some, because they have renounced marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Whoever can accept this ought to accept it.

For sure, go and read the context, in Chap 19 of Matthew’s gospel. But, these words of Jesus may reassure you that not everybody is given the gift of a happy marriage. We should know that already, in general.

God bless.


#8

Introduce him to the Rosary. My mother did this for me even though my only fault was jumping the gun in saying I was gay. I have never entered into a relationship or desired to. I just struggled with the attraction and sitll do today. I get attacked by many for remaining abstinent but I also get attacked for trying to reach out to those like your son. My dad instilled in me the will to pray and my mom taught me the Rosary. I need not fear if I walk completely alone in the world’s view. Jesus and Mary have not cast me out. Love will win.


#9

My heart goes out to you.

We see the spirit of homosexuality today more & more & especially in the lives of young people. Remind your son that God loves him regardless, but does not find joy in his choice to be gay. Love your son as much as before, but do not condone his descision & pray, pray, pray.

I was once a self-proffesed satanist & almost went to prison for 24 years for crimes I committed in the name of the devil - I only spent 90 days behind bars some 15 years ago & never went back to jail. My parents prayed & prayed. God answered them.

St. Monica is a powerful intercessor for mothers faced with turmoil in the lives of their children…


#10

[quote=Paige]I am a Catholic woman and have a Catholic son (21 years old and a junior in college) who just told me that he is gay. I cannot explain the sense of sadness I have been feeling. I pray for him daily and have not cut off any communication with or love for him. I have not brought up the subject since our initial 2-day emotional discussion about it on Jan. 5th.

His father left when my son was 4 and when I re-married 5 years later, he did not bond with his step-father. He has not had any real heterosexual male mentor in his life. I am not sure of all the causes for homosexuality, but this has been one theory brought forth. I have read that mothers can only pray for their gay son, since mothers of gay sons are part of the problem as a result of the gay son’s overidentification with her due to the absence of a loving and attentive father.

Thank you so much for reading this, I appreciate any thoughts, advice, support and pray.

May God Bless You,
Paige
[/quote]

Paige, contact NARTH (National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, www.narth.com) at 818-789-6944. Therapy can help him, and even if there is no therapist near you, therapists at NARTH offer telephone counseling. There are TONS of resources. Another therapist offering telephone counseling is Richard Cohen (www.gaytostraight.org). Go to Encourage meetings, and join PFOX (www.pfox.org) as well as Encourage. Also look at www.pathinfo.org for links to other organizations that might be able to help.

I think you’re right about your son not bonding with his step-father as part of the problem. Your son is starving for male connection and has sexualized it.

If you really want to help your son, I highly recommend that both you and your husband also get a counselor. Get a referral from NARTH to a counselor. You may disagree and believe that everything was fine in your family, but you should at least explore why your second husband never bonded with his step-son, and you may have to deal with letting your son grow up as a man, especially if you still see him as a boy.

Get and read the books, “Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality” by Joseph Nicolosi, “Coming Out Straight” by Richard Cohen and “Growth into Manhood” by Alan Medinger. You can get them from www.amazon.com.

There is hope, a lot of it, and it will take some hard work on your whole family’s part to help your son.


closed #11

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.