My soul feels empty

I just turned 16 and About 7 months ago, I started coming closer to my faith. I started praying the rosary everyday (which I still am), going to confession every other week (kinda hard with my mom making me stay at home), reading the scriptures on most nights, and attending mass and recieving communion (again all of which I still do). I’ve been doing that constantly because I wanted a change to happen, I wanted Gods help.

But recently I’ve started to feel numb in the soul and impatient because of howblong I’ve waited while still keeping my faith. As a cause of that, I started committing sins I had done regularly before I had come closer to my faith, some of them mortal. And what’s worse is I commit those sins sometimes without any feeling of guilt probably because I feel as if theres no point in trying anymore.

I truly love our Lord, but I feel I have gone so far yet accomplished nothing. I’ve been told doing what I am doing will bring many good things and miracles. But I feel empty. I’m just a kid that really has no friends (at least any friends that care much for me), has really no one that can actually listen to what I feel or what I have to say, and you know, I’m just trying to find my purpose.

Something good did happen though. I’m transferring from my school that I just dont feel comfortable in (a school that has people that could care less for what you feel) to a Catholoc school which from when I visited seems great, it looks looked like a new start to my life. Only problem is, I have to wait until next year. And I’m not sure how much longer I can go in the situation I’m in.

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Oh God bless you. It’s really hard to be that age. My little sisters are about the same age as you are, they are 16 and 17 respectively. I know it’s not easy for them, and for some reason teenagers make other teenagers feel bad, for reasons I don’t understand. Just because you don’t feel that, doesn’t mean it’s not there, keep doing what you’re doing, but maybe do something else too. I don’t have a lot of close friends, and do you know what? I’m actually very happy with that. I know not everyone works that way.

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Look up “spiritual dryness.” But it could be depression or teenage angst, too.

God is not always going to send you comfort that you can feel. But if course He is always with you, and of course your actions matter.

And of course sinning without repentance and Confession is bound to make you slide more, to make your conscience less sensitive, to make your common sense lessen, and so on.

It is difficult to repent and start living better when you don’t feel like it. But you would not have posted about it if you didn’t really care. God is calling you, even if it is in a hidden way right now, and you do still have wisdom enough to know that you should start to do better.

If you can get to Confession, go.

If you can’t, say an act of contrition. Even if you are not feeling it and even if your will is fighting against it, make the effort to say it.

Make a simple plan to avoid sin and do good. Something you can do today and every day. If you mess up, go back to the plan and try again. (Rinse and repeat.)

Pray a little, even if you don’t feel it. That is an exercise of your faith and hope, which will help you love. Memorized prayers, even or especially very short ones, are a big help.

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I will pray for you, my friend. Hang in there. Look at the crucifix and know the love of God for YOU personally.

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Thinking back to my own teen years, they were not the best years of my life, despite what many said. You have a lot of forces pulling you in a lot of directions now and different amounts of liberty to respond to each thing, which sort of multiplies the frustration, so to speak.

The book New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton came to my mind as I read your post. Not that one book is a magic solution, of course, but if you’re prone to solitude and contemplation it might be worth a look.

Also, in my own experience the answers that used to work stopped working as I got older and problems got more complicated. I believe God showed me this to help me to connect with and appreciate others, whom I would have written off if I had thought I knew how to deal with everything I encountered. Maybe He’s sharing something similar with you. And maybe that’s not it. But wanted to share as a possible help if it connects.

I admire you for sharing your experience and not turning inward and despairing! You’re clearly clinging with trust to Someone outside yourself and that’s huge!

I went back and read more carefully and saw that you do have a prayer routine. Good! Stick with it! That is the biggest help with spiritual dryness. Do not add add or subtract anything; just keep on keeping on.

Spiritual dryness is basically a very very long Spiritual Leg Day. It does make you grow in faith, but it is a giant pain in the everything because you are forced to use spiritual resources that are weak. (And everybody feels weak unless God is pumping us full of feelings of comfort, and holding us up.)

God is helping and coaching you in a hidden way, but not lifting the weights for you. And that hurts. It is also hard to deal with the uncertainty of how long you will be in a dry period, and it will always seem like too long.

So don’t look too far ahead. Just do what the day requires, keep to your routine, and wait. You will feel a lot better after Leg Day.

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God bless you. Hang in there. I am sorry you are struggling so, if it’s any consolation a lot of us go through periods of dryness and all of us go through teenage times. I’d advise you to keep praying even if you feel nothing you are really called to show up for prayer, even if you ‘get nothing’ . It’s a temptation of the world to think every good act deserves one in return. Not so, do it for love, even if you don’t feel love yet. It will come.

Try follow Fr Mike Schmidt on YouTube as he has very good short talks (5-8 mins) on our faith which explain everything and are especially suited to people of your age as his ministry is for young people.
I’ll pray for you

This is the thing that stuck out for me.

Do not pray for any thing except for what is God’s will for your life. For example, pray to switch schools, but accept your life as it is until change happens. If you are miserable because you are waiting, do it with a smile on your face. It isn’t easy, I know, but you must trust that God knows what is best for you, and be patient. He will bring change in his time, not on yours. You must never lose hope or you will fall into despair. And despair means you are giving up. That is not what you should be doing. Especially since it leads you to sin.

Never make excuses for your sins.

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Thank You for the reply! Yes, I currently do have a praying routine, its simple, but I am told its effective. Someone once told me, reserve a time in the day only for the Lord and keep it only for him. An I have, every night I pray the rosary and then read one passage in the bible (I use A Year With The Bible by Patrck Madrid, it’s a passage from the bible to read every day for a year). But I still am confused on something. I am told to pray when I do not feel like it, but when I do pray, I sometimes pray with emptiness. And I’m not sure if that’s good.

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Yes, people, especially those who do senseless things, are hard to understand and grasp the moral behind their actions. Nonetheless, we do not know everyone’s story and the best we can do is pray for them, even if they give people, like me, a really hard time. I agree that not really having friends is good in a way that you get to spend more time with yourself and God but I have come to a point where social emptiness has deprived me, especially considering I am an extrovert. Thank You for your reply and God bless you!

Thank You my friend for the reply and the prayers! It really means a lot! I’ll keep you in my prayers as well!

Yes, there are so many things that are depriving me and really confusing me. But nonetheless, I keep my head above the water’s. And while I’m in the water, I know God will lead me if I let him. Also, thank you for the book Reccomendation, I will definitely look into it. God bless you!

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Actually, that is better! You are praying not because it feels good or you want to, but praying despite not wanting to, praying because you will to pray.

And there seems to be an element of obedience in there, which also adds grace :slight_smile:

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Thank you for the reply! I will definitely keep praying. What you said also reminds me of a passage from my rosary pamphlet. “Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, drive out demons. Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give” (Matthew 10:7-8). Also thank you for the YouTube Reccomendation, I will definitely look into it! God bless you!

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Focus on what you know, not so much what you feel. You know that what you do matters. You know that God loves you. You know that life won’t always be just as it is now… Like he said up there^ It is really hard to be your age.
Life is ups and downs.
Make wise choices. God bless you.

Thank you for the reply! I definitely think it’s of good intrest to do Gods will even in the midst of what seems like a storm. Hopefully I will get through this with the strength provided by the Lords grace. It’s nice to know people like you exist to take time and help people like me. God bless you, you will be in my prayers!

“Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, drive out demons. Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give” (Matthew 10:7-8)

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Thank you for the reply! And definitely, I see your point. Hopefully God can give my the strength through his grace to help me keep praying in times like these. It is hard, and I feel like I am breaking down, but people like you and others reassure Gods will. He really does speak to us through others! God bless you, I shall keep you in my prayers!

Thank You for the reply! And yes! Life is filled with ups and downs, high and lows. But as you said, life wont be always as it is now. It just depend on how well I can adapt! God bless you, I will keep you in my prayers!

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Hello!

Everyone pretty much has the bases covered, so I’ll just add in a few cents. The book “The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis addresses this sort of thing very well. I highly recommend reading it, but to summarize the main point: Faith isn’t a feeling. Sure there are times when confession strikes our souls and it feels great and stuff, but faith isn’t always like that. Sometimes we get talked into believing that it is, so when we lose the feeling, we think it’s not real. This goes for any relationship, really; married couples who don’t feel they’re in love anymore so they give up, friends who drift apart and instead of just giving it time, they figure it’s over and they move on…it happens everywhere, you aren’t alone (: I’m glad you aren’t giving up, despair will nip at your heels most during these sorts of times.

My two cents is getting longer so I’ll just say what my Dad told me when I was having a crisis of vocation; long story short, I want to know if I’m going to get married or be a nun (I’m 20). I was complaining about not knowing when my Dad looked me dead in the eye and said “What do you mean crisis of vocation? Your vocation right now is housemaid.” And he walked off.

He was being a goofball (I do work hard but it’s not that bad I promise XD) but it really struck me; sometimes, our purpose in life is just that small and specific. So right now? I’d say your purpose is to be a good student, a hard worker, a patient child of God, etc. etc. It’s cheesey, but it’s just as important as being the pastor of a parish or a mother of 9 or whatever. What you do right now is your calling, and it is good!

(Almost done I promise!) I’ve been in those friend shoes for, uh, most of my life. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here (: It’s what big sisters do :wink: That’s my purpose in life right now!

God bless you (:
~Hawk

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SEE you already have an awesome outlook on it, good for you!! Faito :slight_smile: (Note: it changed my gosh darn face to an emoji, it’s supposed to be like this: ^-^ )

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