Hi Everyone! Sorry I haven’t been on for a while. It has been so crazy because my dad is getting Cancer removed on the 18th and just trying to tie up loose ends.
I wanted to share this story with you. Not for judgement which I am sure I will recieve some of but because I wanted to share it myself- for my own healing. Some of it many have heard parts are brand new. Here I go
I was born and raised Roman Catholic. My church was a block away from my house. I remember ridingmy bike to Mass on Saturdays. I would go and sometimes bring my friend if she was spending the night at my house. I was raised to love and serve God and went to CCD classes. My parents couldn’t afford Catholic School. My brother was never a good kid. Always searching in his life and getting into trouble. My parents didn’t sit me down and recite a rosary with me or things like that. I learned in CCD. My parents made me go to church every weekend and I hardly complained.
When I turned 22 they decided that they would be combining my church and 3 others into one. They kept saying not to worry about the building- we were the church. I looked at everyone around me upset and hurt. Every memory of “Church” was in that building. Around this time Elizabeth Smart was brought home after being kidnapped for 9 months. I had prayed for her and found it to be a miracle. I went to the Church and before you knew it i was having missionary discussions. I fell for the missionary and I believe really joined for him. After he was transfered the day of my baptism I left 3 weeks later. My parents were never happy but went to my baptism. They had given me so much info on the church and how wrong it was before I was baptized. I was told not to look at it by the missionaries. After I left I went back to the Catholic Church.
Around 2 years later I felt like I should go back to being a member of the Mormon church. I was sad because our new ‘church’ was just a meeting room. I had missionary discussions and all that. even thought I knew it was wrong I joined. I was hurting and liked the community. I left about 8 months after being baptized. I have not been back. Saddlyu my friend who went to mass with me is still a Mormon member. I blame myself for her joining. If I wouldn’t have been interested the first time she would never have joined.
After I left I decided to get my Theology degree at a Catholic College. I was happy to be back to the Catholic Church and even liked the new church worship spot (not a church yet) because the Priest was wonderful and taught me so much. was growing so much with my studies and stuff. I have to stop and say the Catholic Church does something wrong (I know they are working on it) We don’t learn the bible a lot. I learned more in 2 years at college than my whole life as a Catholic.
My priest (who was also my teacher at the college) put in a request to help build the community more and build the church. He would stay another 7 years. He was approved and was very happy. Then one day the bishop transfered him because of a priest passing away. The new church was just starting to heal from all the combining then the priest was gone. The church today isn’t doing so hot. I decided I needed a church to worship in so I joined a Catholic Church in a town 20 minutes away. They had combined 6 churches into 3. They kept the origional churches. It felt good being in a Church again. Sorry I know a church is a family of believers but part of me still sees a church as a building.
I like the priests and such at the new church (I wouldn’t have joined otherwise) but it is so big I feel lost in the shuffle. I know it isn’t the Churches fault but it is just so many people. I wanted to belong in a Church were I wasn’t a number I guess. I think that is why I am at this crossroads.
I think I would love to be Catholic- don’t get me wrong with that but it is appealing to go to a church were there is bible study and a small community. I’m not church hopping to go to a new church but to learn about religions I never learned about in my Catholic bubble. I was raised Catholic in a town where most people were Catholic. I knew no difference. I never had to be a minority and fight for my faith- if you know what I mean (like in the bible belt)
I was at Mass today and it was nice and framiliar but I think there is still a lot of pain I feel from all of the changes. I would love to be 100% happy as a Catholic and not feel like I will find community somewhere else like an episcopal church.
I love my Catholic faith but part of me wishes I had like a scripture study to help strengthen my faith again. I just wanted you all to know.