My vocation is to be single and lay


hello all, brothers and sisters in christ, a little about me ifimay, i suffer from a mentaldisorder and have treated it well for the past couple years… i have been worrying lately about getting married and finding a girl, of course i am in mylate twenties and now would be the time to start thinkingabout such a thing, well i dated numerous women, fought against sinand prayed ferventely for quite some time… and today atwork, my heart , the holy spirit through godswill toldmethat i was not meant to have a wife… i was alsotold that i had a vocation , but as a lay …

now initially i was glad that god had consoled me and told me, his will for me, that delights me… on the other end of things iam quite devastated as thisseems to posesome significant challenges for me…

like going out with friends to places, they will ask why im not asking girls anything, or affording housing and such, or what todo with time, all things igive to god and not worryabout, but still

any help?


Get a second opinion from a priest, preferably a spiritual director who can discern this voice telling you what your vocation is. Generally speaking, vocations don’t work like that.


hmm ok, first of all what dowe mean by vocation?? i mean byvocation that i am to be single andwithout a wife… that is all


Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance & direction with your life’s calling. Praying to St. Dymphna for your health & recovery.


Due to mental health issues, my brother made the choice to remain single and chaste. He did not want the illness passed on, and he knew that he could not handle the stresses of family, children and work. He lives with my father to this day. (Our mother died several years ago.)

His was not an easy choice, but for him, it was the right choice. Sometimes discovering our vocation is about making logical and responsible choices. Sure he wishes he could have done something different, but he knows he made the right, and spiritually sound choice. So know, that you are not alone in considering being a lay person and single.

So that your life can be balanced, through this choice, seek out a good Confessor and Spiritual Director, and try to pick some sort of volunteer work that would help others. This way you can spend time with others, help others and serve God in the process. No need to be alone and isolated, just because you are single. God be with you.


Good advice. :thumbsup:


Celibate laity is usually the best way to go for someone with mental illness. God does provide for them, too. He won’t put you into a situation then not give you the grace to grow closer to Him through it.

Lay associations of the faithful are encouraged by the church, particularly if they’ve been commended by the hierarchy. They are ‘low impact’ where participation is concerned, and don’t require vows.

If you believe the Holy Ghost is talking to you, keep a journal. Measure everything against what’s already been revealed by the Church. If anything is contrary, ignore it. Read up on the spiritual classics, and talk to a confessor if there’s a problem.



Thank you for the responses, if i may add a little more information i would feel like i canget a bit off my chest…

i dont know where to start, but my love for Godand the church has grown immensely over the past 3 years or so, really putting me on a spiritual journey. I am far from perfect, struggle with habitual sin at times but am fond of the church and the sacraments, so in conclusion i think its fair tosay i am coming closer to holiness and for themost part improve everyday.

now as formy calling, thishas all happenedin the past couple days, and its this movement in your heart, that you know if you go against, and you reason and intellect… then you are not doing gods will, if i dont do gods will, i cannot enter heaven…

immediatelyi was glad that this was my calling but i amdissappointed… i am human, i am still having trouble with this… livingsingle, maybe i am going crazy maybe this is not even true… i have dated numerous women and think i am a good dater or boyfriend, but i know i have a mental illness and wen i had this conviction a certain weight also left my shoulders

i am in tears because i worry when i knowi shouldnt, im young and the world attacksm, and now i am tobe lonely…its hard


when i carry my cross and come to the fact that i have an illness, one that i may be hospitalized at anyh time given my track record… i am content with things… i know i can do some good work alone, and im no longer consantly looking out for women so to speak…its nice…


You would do well to read this book:

There is a saint in there whose story is similar to yours.


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