My wedding day,,a throw back to a by-gone era


May 10th,in just 2 weeds:eek: I will be walking down the aisle.

When planning with my priest and music director, I told them that because my father is in heaven, I will be having my 14 year old son Walk me down the aisle. They both said that that was not normally done anymore as we no longer “give away” the bride as if “property”. He WILL be my escort down the aisle:thumbsup:

Both me and my fiancé want the word OBEY in our statement of promise to each other, both the priest and music director (who has tremendous influence) said that was “Old fashioned” and we use the word Honor or Cherish now. We, when exchanging our promises WILL use the word OBEY.:thumbsup:

I was told that most brides choose Corinthians for their New Testament read, we have chosen Ephesians 5: 21-33 as our reading:thumbsup:

All the other planning of the wedding are going fine, but the frustration of working with our priest and music director is driving me NUTS:banghead:

Are we being to “Old Fashioned” in how we want our wedding ceremony to be? Even my dress is very conservative in style complete with a full Cathedral veil.


It’s your wedding. Do it your way. :slight_smile:


When I remarried, my 2 sons, then 10 & 8, escorted me down the aisle. They also knelt with the altar boys during the Mass and walked back down the aisle with my new husband & I. In tuxes, even!:smiley: It is your wedding, and I think you can charitably remind these people of this. “I appreciate your suggestions, but this is how Fiance & I want to do it.”



Awhile back I did some research on the word “OBEY” and could not find where it was every part of the official Marriage Liturgy for the Catholic Church. I did find it as part of Protestant weddings.

Could you point me to the documents where you see where this is the way it used to be done?


Darn, I was hoping that you were going to have a wedding dress modeled on those lovely dresses in some of the movies that have been made out of Jane Austin books.:o


Stop over here to my Catholic bridal forum and ask the same question: :wink:

These are very conservative, yet young brides, who have also had very “old fashioned” (if that’s what others wish to call it) elements in their weddings. We have even had full on Tridentine Nuptial Mass for at least one I can think of.

You are not being old fashioned at all - you love and respect your Faith and you want that to show in how you go about entering into this Sacrament. Not a thing in the world wrong with that.




There is a Marriage Rite you know, and it doesn’t include the word ‘obey’. The Rite also envisions the bride and groom walking down the aisle together, because they give themselves to each other in marriage they are not given by someone else. There is an entire theology behind the way the Marriage Rite is in the Catholic Church. Don’t blame your pastor for what the Church wants.


DH and I chose to have a Procession. We had a cross bearer followed by the readers, the bridal party, the priest and deacon, and then us. He was escorted by his parents and I was escorted by mine. This is the way the Rite is written-- while most priests will bend the rules and allow the “father escorting the bride” without a procession and with the priest/groom entering at the altar, it is actually a liturgical abuse if you want to get down to brass tacks.

We also greeted our guests prior to the wedding as they arrived in the Sanctuary.

As for “obey”… Obey is not “old fashioned” it is NON-CATHOLIC. The Catholic Church has **NEVER **had obey in its vows. Henry the VIII inserted that into the Church of England vows. Please use Catholic vows.

And, regarding readings you can select any that you would like to use. DH and I had Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5, and John 15 (no greater love).


I don’t think the procession was an option for me at my church. Maybe if I absolutely pressed for it… There are 3 weddings every saturday at my church because it is such a beautiful, inner city church and everyone wants to get married there.

I had a maid of honour who is Anglican ( Episcopalian ) and I had her read from Tobit originally, but she was very uncomfortable with this because it’s not the King James bible, so I had another Catholic friend read from that instead and she read John.

Interesting how everyone coming together for a wedding has different outlooks and issues.


We have a marriage booklet given us by our priest that completely outlines our wedding and we have many options as to how the bride is to walked down the aisle, having my son escort me is what I wanted to honor my father who is blessing us from heaven, plus it was the best way of including him in the wedding party as my future BIL will be the best man.

As to the word OBEY. I never actually looked up the word to find out whether it was a protestant added word, having NEVER been a protestant, I have no clue as to their wording. We want that word because of what it symbolizes to us. Also, only coming into the Church in 2004, I have not much more experience with a Catholic wedding.

Now for the dress:p . In my mind since a little girl, I have always known what it was to look like. I fell in love with the Victorian style and wanted that as my look. I did simplify it a bit though. but the high neck and lots of lace stayed.:thumbsup: and at my age, gravity has not been totally kind to me, so keeping All body parts (i.e. upper arms:p ) covered is a must,.,.:cool: dang Newtons Law of Gravity.

I love my priest and music director, but they are Way on the liberal modern side in most all issues where as my fiancé and I are just the opposite. This is Our one and only wedding though, and I want it as perfect as possible, we have had to compromise alot on what we wanted to the point of not being able to do it, so I don’t see the problem with the word Obey being inserted nor having my son walk me down the aisle.


I can appreciate your zeal for the church, but you are portraying things as innovations that are not innovations and trying to add things like ‘obey’ that are completely anti-thetical to Catholic theology.

Have your son escort you, have the readings you want, but please refraing from your desire to innovate on the Catholic wedding vows.


37 years ago WE had to fight for the word “obey” and we had E-5 as our reading also (in the Episcopal Church). Time passes. Long story. We get married de novo in the Catholic Church and guess what? Did the SAME thing.

Now, if you want to be REALLY old fashioned, after the “obey” part, have your husband say: With this ring, I thee wed. With my body I thee worship, with all my worldly goods I thee endow.

They wouldn’t let us go that far!


Certainly your readings are fine, but you must understand that, in a Catholic wedding, we aren’t supposed to be “doing our own thing”, especially with regard to something as important as the vows. This really shouldn’t be up for discussion. You will be getting your point across in your chosen reading re: wives being subject to husbands; don’t mess with the vows.


If you are really being old-fashioned, then ONLY YOU say obey and the husband does not. That is how it was done… it was all about “wives be submissive.” So if you really want that ethic in your wedding, and are claiming it as “old-fashioned” then be honestly old-fashioned and don’t clutter it up with some feminist idea that you should BOTH say that. The men NEVER did.

I thought the standard Catholic vows were beautiful, and I cried while saying them. I know it was a thrilling, terrifying, beautiful, and covenental/sacramental moment for us both when we said them. They are more than sufficient, and they perfectly convey the Catholic structure, philosophy, and intent of marriage in just a few words. Don’t be more Catholic than the Church. Never mind that many have pointed out that that was never Catholic in the first place.


Here is the Official Catholic Rite of Marriage:

Here is an example of the Tridentine Marriage Saint Joseph Daily Missal, 1959 by Catholic Book Publishing Co.


I did not know this, wow. I just had my dad, but I wanted it to be simple is the only reason. I didn’t know you could even do this, and I live in an extremely conservative diocese. This would’ve been really cool to do, bummer.

We also greeted our guests prior to the wedding as they arrived in the Sanctuary.

Considering the fact that my husband has a nervous stomach and probably would’ve vomited on the guests, we didnt’ do this, but it’s a cool idea too.

It’s interesting to think that when people want what they want for their wedding, it’s usually thought of to be untraditional and modern, music not about God, too many flowers on the alter, etc. It’s interesting to see that “extremely traditional”, as most people would think about it, does not necessarily fall into the Church’s guidlines either. Great example of how the Church is a living institute, and is outside of what we or culture “think”, liberal or conservative.


The couple walking together is a suggestion… it gives lots of leeway for cultural adaptations.

Changing the vows can make your marriage invalid. Please do not do this. This is just as bad as changing things to be more “liberal”.

Just because the priest and music director tend to be liberal as you say, doesn’t mean they will be wrong in everything.


Actually the Father did “give away” the bride in the marriage rite prior to 1962. My wife and I had a wedding according to the 1962 missal last summer and her father walked her down the isle and handed her off to me. The priest told me that this does not represent the father giving property to the groom. It does represent the woman going from the protection of her father to the protection of the groom. He said it is a deadly serious business and means I agreed to give my life to defend hers.

The doing away of this portions of the marriage ceremony is another example of the disasterous MIS-interpertations of Vatican II and represents how much the fallacy of feminism and modernism have infiltrated the Catholic Church.


I did deep (and I mean DEEP) research into this.

Prior to Vatican II, nobody used the word “obey” in a Catholic ceremony. The concept is not Catholic, as 1ke and kage_ar have pointed out (and I love that TAN site, kage! I was tired to giving business for pre-VII stuff;) ).

There were actually 2 ways to go about the procession in “the old days”. Dad would walk their daughters up the aisle. The alternative was for the priest to meet the bride at the doors of the parish church and for her to walk in procession behind the priest.

So, like others have said- Your readings are fine, and if you want to include your son by having walk you up the aisle (because we go up to the altar, and walk down to the doors), great. But “obey” is simply not Catholic, and not done. If you want to obey your husband at home once he is your husband, fine, but it is not a Catholic notion (mutual respect and submission is). You might like the second set of vows ( I, N., take you, N., for my lawful wife (husband), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.) and if you do, you should use them, as you seem to be trying for a traditional sense. I am partial to Form A, myself (I, N., take you, N., to be my wife (husband). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. )


This is the way we did it. A ton of people walked down the aisle. I really liked it because I loved the idea of all our parents being involved and giving us away to each other. This changed it from the idea that a woman was property being given by the man to symbolizing how parents offer up their children to do His Will.

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