My Wife is struggling…


My wife is struggling; I am struggling. Some of what I am going to say here deals with problems as I my wife as being judgmental. I do realize it is not all her and is also me, but it sometimes hard to accept that. I have difficult time writing so I made some bullet points hopefully not losing too much information. The bullet points will be in no special order. We have been married for three years and no kids yet due to fertility issues and have never avoided pregnancy and practice NFP.

• Lately(more so) I have been told several times she hates me in those words.
• I have been told she is un-attracted to me, I am 170 pounds and 5'6" she calls me fat.

Different set of issues dealing with family
• I am told I need to find out why my parents did not go to church the day after a siblings wedding (is this any of my wives business?) This questions comes up often.
• She has not talk to her bother in a few years(her only sibling)
• Although she talks to her parents every few\several weeks, I don’t think she has had a actually conversation (mother\father to daughter conversation, when I am present there is less feeling then a conversation then a friend) . It’s not my parents my I pray for her relationship with her parents. She needs them- they need her…

She holds GREAT GREAT anger against people whom do not live the catholic churches teachings and will put people (family and friends) in their place. So much so we have not been invited to 3 weddings that I know of people or afraid of her attending. Because of the following… At receptions after catholic ceremonies of family and friends have told people it was not a real wedding because they did not have a mass. That they lived in sin before the wedding cohabiting, and some point they mentioned contraception.

This next subject is the hardest to communicate; when I say sin I mean the act of sinning and not the sin itself. When I talk about my struggles in life (lust, angry, sloth etc) and they sins that fall under them she tells she would never confess those items. “Please don’t stone be for this next comment.” I do confess myself and I don’t judge her for not confessing. We don’t talk about confession itself but I truly do feel because of comments she has made she does not make a good confession.

Sorry for the confusing post, I need help, where do I begin,



First with a christian marriage counsler - is she will go.
Secondly with visits to the Blessed Sacrament, together to pray the rosary to request the birth of a child.
Third with fasting - one item that you would enjoy eating, but will not - with the intention of moving her heart from being judgemental to accepting.
Finally, increase your personal prayer life on behalf of your wife.

And if she will not participate in any of the above, then you go alone, to demonstrate that it is your intention to make the marriage work.


being told by your wife that she hates you and that you are fat( insults) is cruel and verbally abusive. Is it possible that she is ill. Some physical illness can manifest with mental emotional symptoms. Is she always like this? Is she opened to discussion?

Your not wanting to be judgemental is admirable, but it isn’t judgemental to say someone’s behavior is unacceptable. Have you spoken to your priest? Perhaps he could reccomend a counselor. That would be my suggestion to you. Preferably a Catholic counselor; although there are many non- catholic therapists who would not automatically insist you kick her to the curb.

My prayers are with you both.


I dont want to ask you your wife's age but I am quessing that your wife is under 30? The reason I say that is because I have witnessed a lot of young people who have a lot of zeal for their faith but lack the wisdom of when to witness to others and to know when it is an appropriate time to correct others in their faith. On top of that she seems to have anger issues. If you put the immaturity together with her anger issues that can be a real problem. Perhaps you could find a good mentor for her. I'm thinking an older Catholic woman who lives her faith is a positive way and is able to relate to others in the secular world. Hopefully, these issues will get better with age.


I think your best bet might be to try pastoral counseling with your priest and let him suggest a Christian/Catholic counselor depending on your area. God bless. Sorry to hear of your troubles.


mike, i'm not going to try and analyze your marriage from a post,


when did this nasty behavior begin? if it's new behavior, is it possibly a lashing out resentment because of fertility issues?

if it's not new behavior, you have an mean, judgmental wife.

QUOTE] I do realize it is not all her and is also me, mike. how much and in what ways is it also you? describe.

and finally, do you ever have any happy times with her?


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