My wife takes birth control and won't stop


#1

when my wife and i were married we were both baptists but now i am RCIA and will come into the church on the easter vigil. anyway, she takes depo-provera which is a shot to prevent pregnancy. i try to persude her to stop using it but she claims there are some health benefits to the shot and that she just doesn’t want to have a period anymore. what should i do? how can i persude her to stop using the shot even though she claims there are health benefits to it? is there something she can read? i believe this is wrong and a sin. please help.


#2

Hello,

I am sorry no one has replied by now. It is a very private matter and I can only imagine the strain this must be on your marriage and your intimacy.

Some suggestions - only you know what might or could work:

  1. talk with the Priest who is from the church you are going through the RCIA program at.

  2. Your sponsor may be of some help or have a suggestion

  3. Seek a Christian counselor for both of you to seek

  4. There is a Christian book on Natural Family Planning and how this couple went from birth control to NFP. I believe it may be “Celebrate” or something like that as the title.

  5. Is there a chance that your wife may be addicted to the birth control drug? I assume there is a very slim chance, but worth looking into seeing if it can be.

May God continue to draw you closer into the Catholic Church and faith. You and your wife will be in my prayers.

God bless,

Emily


#3

You say that you will enter the Church. Does that mean she remains a Baptist?
In that case you cannot reasonably expect her to conform to the teachings of a Church she has not accepted.


#4

Since for the time being it appears your wife does not yet share you faith or concern over the contraceptive use of DP, perhaps you can approach this from the “wellness” perspective. Do a little research on-line your self on just what benefits/risks are associated with use of this product and make sure she is fully informed of all the effects of this substance that is being injected into her body. Your concern IS for her after all, body AND soul. Just take it one step at a time.


#5

You might gently let her know that DP can also cause fertilized embryos to be expelled from the uterus. Like some forms of the pill, it works primarily by supressing ovulation, but IF ovulation takes place, it prevents fertilized embryos from implanting, as a backup plan. She could be having a monthly abortion without even knowing it.

This is something that most doctors don’t even bother telling a woman before injecting this vile substance into her thigh. :frowning:


#6

In a marriage, birth control should be a decision made jointly. In this case, I suggest finding out what she thinks the benefits are and then discuss the risks with her. Depo Provera can have serious side effects and her health is a legitimate concern.

I found this site which lists side effects. Some are pretty nasty. This site says it should only be used if other forms of birth control are inadequate. In other words, DP should be a last choice, not a first choice. I’ve even seen it suggested that the shot can lead to a lowered sex drive - seems to contradict the whole point. There is even a law firm which specializes in law suits about Depo. Do a Google search and you’ll find a lot of info about it.

After reading it, I can only say I’m glad my wife isn’t on it. I worry about her health enough without adding that mess to it.


#7

Definitely check out omsoul.com. One More Soul has excellent information on the negative health effects of artificial birth control. Keep praying for her, too!


#8

about the monthly abortion comment. is it a sin for me to sleep with her then since i know this is happening?

and about the lowered sex drive- it is true. thinking about it, she lost her libido when she started taking the shot. i never wanted her to take the shot. even when we were both baptist.


#9

As long as you do not approve of her using ABC it is not a sin for you to sleep with her.


#10

No, it is wrong to label this contraceptive an abortifacient. It may be an abortifacient, but there is no direct evidence to support the claim.

See my post from a few days ago and this paper. An abortifacient effect is possible but not supported by current research.


#11

An abortifacient effect is possible but not supported by current research.

What research on the potential abortifacient effect of Depo Provera? It is an important point that we don’t know what happens in ovulatory Depo cycles, since the endometrium would be under the influence of estrogen and progesterone.

BTW, here is an opposing paper though it is not direct evidence.


#12

1.) As long as you oppose artificial birth control & you’ve let her know you oppose it (ABC here), Bob is right. You may have maritial relations with your wife.
2.) DP seems pretty drastic. Is it because she’s tried other ABC, such as the Pill, in the past but it didn’t work or she couldn’t remember the schedule to take every day? I’m thinking, even though it is equally evil, they now make the Pill in a format that avoids periods, no injections needed.
3.) As somebody else said, your wife is not bound by Catholic law. She’s a Baptist!

I am going to make a suggestion: **Please don’t let this become a wedge in your marriage, especially right now. You have WEEKS to go before your reception into the Church. Satan would like nothing more than to derail that. **

Your wife is probably a little uncomfortable with your conversion, even if she says everything is “fine”. Without knowing how rooted she is in the Baptist tradition, without knowing how rooted her family is (or yours for that matter), I can’t be sure.

Also, I used to have some horrible menstruations back in my day: long-lasting, messy, bloated, backache. They made menopause look wonderful! While I would not use DP (refused it in fact, when it first came out), I can understand why a woman would not want her monthlies, esp. when the “monthlies” come every other week or worse. You are a man, and you’ve never had this happen to you.

You’ve made your point on ABC, esp. DP. It’s time to back off. If you’ve yelled at her or screamed at her about it, apologize for the yelling and screaming, but make it clear you still oppose ABC- but be nice about it, and that you will do what you can to assist her in learning more about the various NFP methods. Somebody suggested the “wellness” standpoint. It’s a good one. Do your homework and try that.

Then back off on the matter- for now.

Instead, let her know you treasure her, and through her, any little ones you might have. Yes, showing her is important, in little ways. Observe the courtesies! Hold her door, her chair; let her go first when appropriate, and fight crowds for her by going first. Tell her you treasure her, too, for this or that. Telling is important to women. Our ears are what turn us on, in many ways. If you have kids, take them off her hands for an hour or two. Volunteer to supervise baths, or hear prayers, or even cook simple suppers. They are your kids, too. And you are going to have to develop this into a habit. Her use of ABC is not going to go magically away.

And while you are letting her know how much you treasure her, pray privately. Ask the intercession of Our Lady of Guadalupe, who is patroness of the unborn. Ask the intercession of St. Paula and Toxotius, of course Our Lady and St. Joseph, St. Anne and St. Jocachim (Our Lord’s grandparents), St. Elizabeth Seton, and a host of other saints who were married. I recommend St. Elizabeth Seton, as she was a convert, and took a good deal of abuse from her family when they found out she converted. She knows what it’s like! If you have the time, go before the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. If you don’t, find a site where Our Lord is in the Blessed Sacrament, and make an online “visit”. stmarynativity.com BUT DON’T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT, AND DON’T TELL YOUR WIFE ABOUT IT!!!

And I will be praying for you. I don’t say that lightly.


#13

I used to be just like your wife until I read information on birth control. Maybe you should do some research on the shot and show it to your wife, but make sure it is a nuteral site. Here are two sites. There are many more.
womenshealth.about.com/cs/birthcontrol/a/bircntrldepopro.htm
rxcarecanada.com/Depo-Provera.asp?prodid=515


#14

The monthly abortion comment was a little out of line in my book.That being said, it is no sin for you to sleep with her (i.e. have sex). She cannot be held bound to a faith she doesn’t practice.

Kathy


#15

Personally I do not think you should continue sex with her.

By doing so is a way of having your cake and eating it to. But doing so you are enjoying God’s gifts of sex but by dishonoring him because you know the truth about her not allowing the gift of life.

Plus you should be concerned that your wife is constantly sinning and you would still choose to partake in sex. It does not sound right.

One thing I would do is let her know that birth control needed to be a choice you both make together and it wasn’t fair in marriage with is the unifying to two peoples to make life decisions without consulting you.

While you cant change her mind and should not force her in any decision. I don’t think you should have sex with her and allow her to dishonor Gods gifts. That wouldn’t be love, because you allow her to stop Gods gift and reward her still with sex.

It is not just that you do not sin. You two are one and you have to worry about your wife too. You should not only think about what gets you alone into heaven. I think everyone is forgetting that


#16

The Church teaches that you should persevere in trying to evangelize her on this topic, but you do not have to abstain. I think it would destroy most marriages to take this route.

My advice is to surround her with devout NFP couples. Familia is a good program for meeting NFP couples. Also, any Catholic Homeschooling Group would have families like this.

regnumchristi.org/english/articulos/articulo.phtml?rc=se-16_ca-45_te-10_id-12737


#17

I agree completely. Don’t have relations with her.


#18

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