My wife thinks I'm leaving her behind


A year and a half ago, my Dad died. In my heartbreak, I turned to the Church and God. My understanding of catholicism has increased greatly and I go to confession often. I converted 17 years ago, but had not been the best catholic you have ever met.

Last night I was excited because the Brown Scapular I ordered arrived. I shared this with my wife, but she was less than understanding. Evidently I should have discussed this with her first.

She said she is afraid I’ll become an elitist catholic like some she has met who are basically snobs.

Any advice? Do you have a spouse who feels you are passing them by in holiness?


Is your wife Catholic as well?


Yes, she is a cradle catholic who is also a catechist.


Maybe she thought the scapular was something to have undertaken together? Did you ask her beforehand if she would like to wear a brown scapular?


Is there something else between you two? I can’t understand why she would have a problem with you adopting a powerful sacramental…


I didn’t ask her. She stumbled upon them online one time, having never heard of them. She said it sounded kind of strange. I had wanted one for a long time. I guess I thought I had the freedom to wear one if I wanted.


Yeah, I could understand this better if your wife was either not a Catholic or was lukewarm/ not practicing.

I think you need to sit down with her and have a talk about what’s bothering her about this. It may be that she feels she would like to be more included in your prayer and devotional life. Or maybe she would like to help you with your grief but she feels like you’re not turning to her. Or perhaps she is worried that you’ll start imposing demands on her, or that your prayer life is taking up time that you and she used to spend together.

Also, has she been through the death of a parent? I know I went back to Catholicism pretty strongly after my mother died (my father died some years ago already), and a person who hasn’t lost a parent or a super close loved one might not “get it”.


No, just this sudden rise in faith on my part. She used to be the one who was the go to person on all things faith related, now all of a sudden, she feels inferior I guess.


Did she say she feels inferior or are you just assuming this?

I think you two really need to talk.


Those are good points. We do not often pray together. Also, I read a lot of catholic books.

No, she hasn’t lost a parent yet. I tell her one reason I’m like this is because I want to see my Dad again and I think he’s in heaven.


Hi, @GladTidings, I thought I would ask if you and your wife pray together regularly?

Edit: I see you answered my question just seconds before I finished typing :slight_smile:


She didn’t say that. Inferior in knowledge is what I mean, of course. Yes, we do need to talk.


Don’t guess - please have a pleasant conversation with her.
Do you pray together?


I can tell you right now that if my husband decided to become very observant in his religion, and then decided, without asking me, that I must be less than excited about it because I can’t handle that I’m now “inferior in knowledge” to him, the result would not have been pretty.

Please schedule a time to talk to your wife and figure out a way you can both take your faith forward together, or at least become more comfortable with each others’ reactions.


I would say that because you are not praying together, it is not possible for you both to be on the “same” spiritual path. As I understand it the husband and wife are to be as one, and they are to walk side by side towards God. That can’t exactly happen if you aren’t praying together. When you talk with her, perhaps discuss that as well.

Perhaps there is space for private devotion in marriage (like only one spouse wearing the scapular), but I imagine it must always come after some solid foundation is built through husband and wife praying together.


It’s a good point. Her family prayed together only before supper, and we didn’t pray much when I was a kid. The last time I prayed with her was a prayer for the lost souls in purgatory at my dad’s grave.


I will. Sometimes I don’t think. I just would have expected this reaction from her if I came home with a tribal face tattoo, not a Brown Scapular.


Well, and this is just my wacky way of thinking here, maybe you ought to take care not to become an elitist Catholic snob…


These are good points. We are not on the same page. She is good at praying the rosary, so maybe I could ask her to teach me. Then we could pray it together.


Always remind her how much you loved her :slight_smile:

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