I am a Catholic Convert of 10 years. We were married 18 years ago in the Church but neither of us believed (I was raised secular, she fell away after high school.) After I converted I said I would not use birth control (including having sex on the pill) and she became angry. I have struggled with pornography, lust as part of my conversion, and in the early years this has hurt our marriage. She did NFP begrudgingly and we did not communicate well. She has depression and is on medication; so is our oldest son. Our 4th child was unplanned and she only wanted 3. For a year she was EXTREMELy angry with me and while pregnant she sank into depression and wanted an abortion. I believe intersession of Blessed Virgin Mary saved 4th child, born Aug 15. We have not had sex since he was born about 3 years. I have never asked her for sex and am truly sorry for qnything I have done to hurt her over the years and have been to confession for it. We have been talking after her initial anger and our relationship is goid except for a brick wall about sex. She wanted me to get vasectomy I said no. She wanted me to bless her getting tubes ties I said it will not work out because going against God always makes things worse in the end. She then said I want to get my tubes tied will you watch the kids? I said yes and I will not make you emotionally guilty or give you a hard time. I love her and want her to be with Jesus in heaven. It breaks my heart that she does not want Him. I am grateful she has not sought divorce or aborted our 4th. I do not know what to do. I plan on praying before our our Lord in adoration or while in tabernacle. I wish that he would prompt her coversion without this.
Have you both tried to at least talk to a couple from the couples to couples league in order to work on the NFP aspect as she would have a woman to talk to about this instead of just you.
I did have my tubes tied. I had it reversed in January as I was not Catholic when I did this before and did not understand. It caused me issues and I found out the man I married looked at it as a gift as he felt he never had to be open to life.
Don’t do this.
My wife & I have been discussing the same topic lately. We’d both love one or two more but she doesn’t know if she wants to deal with the financial aspects or the emotional stress it puts on us. The idea of more kids isn’t the big stressor, though; it’s the fact that our extended families are very opposed to and unsupportive of the idea. We’ve dealt with years of extremely hurtful, negative treatment and my wife feels that having her tubes tied is preferable to even more nasty treatment.
As difficult as it is for me to hear her say this, my approach has been to work more on her spiritual and emotional side than to argue from a logical perspective. To be more clear, I’ve been working very hard to get our family more in line with our faith for the last few years and I keep stressing to her that certain paths don’t support that. I also keep reminding her how much I love her and that it’s unconditional; in other words, if something would happen and we’d end up with 2-3 more kids, I wouldn’t be angry, upset or disappointed (quite the contrary), and I would support and love her just as much then as I do now (if not more so). I also point out just how much our relationship has grown since we’ve quit relying on contraceptives and have put more faith in God and in each other.
The positive note is that she’s much less certain about having her tubes tied. Unfortunately, it’s still something she brings up. I know I won’t give up on trying to convince her to follow the best path.