I am a cradle catholic and my wife converted 13 years ago of her own will. We have been “Legally” married for 23 years and married through the church for 13 years.
On Monday evening I went downstairs to apologize for being me to my wife. After telling her that I was sorry and seeing her cry, she asked me for a divorce. She told me that she loves me, but is not in love with me anymore. We have four children, 2 at home (14 and 12) and 2 on their own.
We both agreed that we do not want to divorce anytime soon and we are not going to tell our children or anyone else right now mainly because we don’t want our children to be hurt. I did tell a priest and she told her best friend, she did tell me that her best friend is just being supportive/a best friend. I am ok with that. And because of logistical support for the children and finances. We get along pretty good, we still sleep in the same bed and use the same facilities. Not much concern right now about our privacey.
Funny thing is, I never saw it coming. She tells me that there is NOT another person in her life, but that she just wants a divorce because she is not in love with me anymore. She doesn’t want any counseling.
We got in a small physical fight once about 21 years ago, alcohol, but have never done it again. We argue and we both say things we really don’t mean. But I am usually the ugliest about it. We don’t argue in an ugly way in front of the kids, we wait until we are alone. I think we argue because we disagree on so many things, how to pay bills, how to raise the children, who drives what car. It all sounds so silly now.
All this time I was pushing her away from me. I think that I was so stuck on the belief that we are catholic and not allowed to be divorced I started to actually believe it. I took her for granted and for that I am truly sorry.
Tuesday I spoke with my priest. Although very comforting, I am still hurting. I guess only time and prayer will heel. I am spending a lot of time at church in prayer, it’s nice. I light a candle for her in hopes that at a minimum she will find it in her heart to forgive me and that she has a nice rest of her life. I do want her to be happy.
I think I made peace with it all. But I am still hopeful she will give me another chance.
Wednesday evening I spoke with her in the kitchen after the kids went to bed. I told her that I agreed with her on how I have been behaving and how I needed to change and that I was going to find that guy she fell in love with all those years ago. I agreed with her that she deserves better and I also told her that if a divorce would make her happy then she deserves to be happy.
I am doing everything to right my wrongs, but not in a pushy way. We had our first lunch together today since my bad news, Long john Silver (Lent). (The last time we had lunch together I told her that it was probably a bad idea for me to have invited her out, we argued). This time, we agreed before hand not to talk about the divorce. It went great, I brought her a rose, but she told me not to take the lunch out of context (a date). I didn’t, but for the first time in about a year I believe we enjoyed each others company. We laughed and talked about work, the kids and what we wanted to do in the future. Before we went our separate ways I asked for a hug and she gave me one.
I am hopeful she will find/see the guy she married 23/13 years ago again. I am trying so hard to change for my own peace of mind and so that I don’t make these mistakes again.
I still love her so much, I just didn’t know how much until all of this happened.
Do me a favor, give your spouse a hug and a kiss today and don’t ever let them forget how much you love them.
Please pray that my wife finds peace with or without me.