Verbal abuse, pyhsical abuse, withholding relations, mocking my faith to the point I can’t even goe to mass with the family. If I mention God in my house, she says your a nut. Tired of sleeping on the couch. Should I trade her in for a new unit, perhaps something in red with green eyes?
I am sorry to read of your pain! I will say a prayer for you and family.
Now was your wife always like this? if yes then she is unlikley to change pal. But if no then try talking to her tell her how she is making you feel. Has anything happened in your lives to bring the worst out in her? Again talk to her. Seek counselling. In my opinion if she keeps behaving like this and will not change then you are better of without her no one man or woman has to but up with Domestic Abuse. Please please seek help do not put up with this another day.
No, she wasn’t always like this. In 2003, I almost died from cancer at the age of 32. It really freaked her out and after I recovered she went on a mission to be self sufficent. I encouraged this. She got her degree from WVU this year and has a good gov’t job, but has become very materialistic. She resents me, saying I ruined her life…because she was a sahm for 15 years while I worked. She is catching up on lost time, I guess.
Hello, I wanted to write to offer you prayer. I wish I could offer you more. Unfortunately from reading your post and the severity of problems in your marriage…it sounds very complicated and may be too much to handle with good advice in just a paragraph or two on the internet. Please take care as best as you can. Thank you for taking the time to come here. God bless.
Perhaps go to a priest for some counseling on the matter. And pray for her constantly. I can’t think of anything else, but the power of prayer can never be overemphasized.
Remember what Jesus said about the persistent widow and the unjust judge… Keep knocking on Heaven’s door with your requests, and it probably wouldn’t hurt to ask for prayer requests in that section here on CAF, either.
I feel for you as you dont deserve this. Sounds like your wife has gone on an undesireable path. Is she pushing you away to protect herself after nearly loosing you? does she feel you were a burden? Only she has the answer communication is the key. However none of this gives her the right to abuse you assault you as that is wrong!!! Will she go to counselling?catholictherapists.com/
I know a man who was told by his wife that she wanted a divorce, and ordered him to sleep on the couch.
He replied, “No. This is MY house and MY bed, and you do not order me out of my own bed. If YOU do not want to sleep with me in MY bed, YOU can sleep on the couch.”
So she did.
I doubt she qualifies for the cash-for-clunkers program. I think a marriage is always worth sving. Have you thought of counseling? Calling her a devil seems a little harsh.
A reading from the Book of Sirach: Allow water no outlet, and be not indulgent to an erring wife. If she walks not by your side, cut her away from you.
The Word of the Lord
Everybody now say: “Thanks be to God” !!!
Yes, the first thing you need to do is stop calling your wife that. Now obviously you have a very heavy cross to bear, so it is very important for you to be as close to Christ as possible. Here is some good advice for you:
“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.” (Philippians 3:10-16)
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.” (1 Peter 4:12-16)
“But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:15-16)
You never know. God bless.
I am sorry to hear of the strain you are under… maybe you two can try taking a nice weekend vacation somewhere, maybe a cute bed and breakfast and just “get away from it all”. It seems that your health crisis took its toll on her too, maybe a good counsler/therapist or your Priest will be a good person to help her say the things that are deep in her heart. Hopefully it will blow over, I will keep the two of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Just to lighten things up a bit the title of your thread reminded me of a joke and so now I’m going to tell it. One day during Mass, the front doors of the church swing open and through the front doors satan comes walking in, everyone screams and runs out of the church except for one little old man. Satan who is surprised by this goes up to the man and says to him don’t you know who I am? The old man replied, “yes”. So satan says, so if you know who I am, why aren’t you afraid of me? The old man replied, "Why should I be afraid of you? I was married to your sister for 50 years.
Read the book, Diary of Elisabeth Leseur. She was married to an atheist who ridiculed her faith and did all he could to dissuade her from believing and serving the Lord. When she died (at a fairly young age), he found her diary and learned that all of her suffering (and there was much) had been offered for the salvation of his soul. He came to believe and later was ordained a Catholic priest. This book may give you some help in understanding how to deal with your wife’s resistance.
Remember that one of the purposes of marriage is to help our spouses get to heaven. Some of us just have a lot more work to do than others. Thank the Lord in all things. He thinks you can do this. And He will grow your faith in the process, making you a better Catholic - one who truly LIVES the Word of God.
The attitude is not going to get you very far that is for sure. I am sure that you are going through a whole lot right now and for that, as a fellow husband, I sympthasize. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers. The only suggestion that I have for you is Retrouvaille
I am sorry that you are going through this and I hope that you can get things back on the right track. Have you both watched the movie Fireproof? Ever thought about doing the “Love Dare?” 40 days that will change your life and your marriage.
If a woman posted her husband was physically and verbally abusive I seriously doubt you would recommend a vacation to a nice bed and breakfast or that it will hopefully blow over, but because its a man on the receiving end he needs to take her on vacation and fault his health crisis for her abusiveness? I don’t think an abused woman would be advised to get a priest to help her abusive husband to say what was deep in his heart.
It is absolutely not ok that his wife behaves in this manner regardless of the reason, its abuse.
I would say, stop the abuse first. You might need to physically separate - move out or ask your wife to move out. Abuse is no laughing matter. Five minutes of stress can mess up the immune system for six hours. While I don’t assume that your wife will stab you with the kitchen knife, she can still do a lot of very real damage ranging from the mental and emotional to physical health problems. You need to protect yourself.
How about the children? How old are they and how are they handling that hell at home?
They forgot the pedicure, special shopping trip to Paris, breakfast in bed and a constant stream of affirmations for her.
The difference in these threads based on sex never, ever ceases to amaze me.
The verbal and physical abuse needs to stop now. Call the police if you have to, but do not allow that to continue (especially if you have children who witness this!). Separate if need be, and insist on counseling until she can learn how to better control herself. Then work on the respect issues.
Do you often refer to your wife as the devil? Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black.
There are two sides to every story. That is why we have a tribunal.